To think a lot of posts on this social services Facebook group can’t be entirely truthful?

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

5 years ago, my DD made a disclosure about a family friend which we reported to the police. As a result we had children’s services involved in our lives and had a horrendous excuse for a social worker who cast doubt of my DD’s experience. FWIW: I know the vast majority of social workers are excellent, sadly we had a very brief experience with a really incompetent one, so I’m not in the “all social workers are evil” camp. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to do that job in a broken country with failing systems.

Anyway, at the time I joined a Facebook support group for those who have children’s services involved to get advice on how to handle everything that was going on. I never left the group, for no particular reason. And for some reason Facebook’s algorithm have been putting the posts on my feed more recently.

Some of the posts are very strange.

Posters claiming they’re on a child protection plan because their relatives are in the army. Or because they have a messy house. Some claim they don’t know why they’re at PLO level (which is a pre-cursor to court action). Loads of posts claiming SS are involved for no reason whatsoever, including pregnant women who look like they’re gonna have their babies removed and they don’t know why. Not all obviously but a large amount claim this.

AIBU to think that children aren’t placed on the child protection register for living in a messy house and there must be more to it?

Most of it will be denial about how lacking their parenting is.

Of course there's more to it.

If SS came to my house and put my kids on a CP plan cos it was messy, I'd clean it up. Why do these FB posters not do that, if its the only issue? Because it's not the only issue.

Of course there is more too it. Sorry if it sounds harsh but many of these people are of low intelligence.

It might be that they have a messy house, but that mess = dog poo on the floor, no proper bed etc

To*

In my experience through working in a school, lots of children on child protection or child in need plans have parents with learning difficulties that were probably never picked up at school. They genuinely do not understand what they are doing wrong as they are simply parenting the way their parents did (who probably also had unidentified learning difficulties or mental health problems). Parents who had abusive upbringings themselves also often have no concept of ‘normal’, e.g. if they were horribly abused they may well think that, by comparison, their children have a good life as they are ‘only’ neglected.

It's not even about parenting as some questionable parenting going on all over the country. know a lady who was given chance after chance but still blamed everyone else and defended her abusive partner. Even their elder kids made disclosures to police and SS and still she was taken of child protection and had SS her life for years. Last incident they tried to help her leave him and she wouldn't and her child was place in care. She has contact but minimum.

More like messy house =
Dog poo, piles of rubbish, rotting food, inadequate/unclean clothing, broken/minimal furniture, no food in the fridge and a complete lack of understanding about why that's not OK. Or a refusal to do anything about it.

Well indeed.

DD was never on a plan of any kind, it was more for (alleged) support but if they had said to me when they were round “Your house is messy” I’d have panicked and tidied up. Some claim their other kids make the mess.

They insist it’s “not that messy just clutter”. I just dont think an overburdened system would care much for a cluttered house

It's utter bollocks. I've seen the RSPCA seize a dog from the same house Social Service refused to remove children from.

The house was an unbelievable mess - dog poo and pee on the floor of every room, a fridge full of mould, rubbish and mouldy leftovers on every surface, the smell would knock you out, all the people and dog sleeping on filthy mattresses in the floor with ancient blankets all soaked in pee at some point and stinking, multiple children, kids filthy and unwashed in who knows how long and wearing inappropriate clothing for the weather conditions and house temperature, bath full of icy cold dirty stagnant water with rubbish in there, bathroom floor covered in hundreds and hundreds of baby wipes and tissues, dirty nappies thrown around the house for months.... The list goes on. Yes the parents had massive issues themselves and all interventions (parenting courses, cookery classes, mothers helpers paid for by SS) were failing. This was a years long situation, not an immediate change in circumstances after say a bereavement, but the parents simply couldn't change.

Anyone saying their house is untidy in my experience are in utter denial about the other factors - it's about risk, not tidiness, so maybe needles or medication lying about, exposure to dangerous people or situations.....

I work in an arena where I see unbelievable relationships ongoing where the man is in prison for horrific sexual offences against children, yet people around them continue to enable relationships with children around them - actively trying to circumvent rules as opposed to not realising what they are doing.

People are utter wankers.

Of course it’s not the full story. People who can not fathom why a messy house ie a house with no/damaged doors, dogs roaming, dog shit on the floor along with piles of rubbish and no beds for the kids-only the kids mind as the adults will have beds is not an environment for a child need ss.
I would hazard a guess that there is a lot of talk about ss removing children from the working class for no reason to give to middle class couples to adopt.

there are many innocent people being targets by nasty toxic workers
y
i had 2 and half years of hell from a toxic nasty bitch of a worker who personally disliked my life style choices and lied and made up so much shit on her first report.

no one checks these reports to see if what they are saying are true. well her manager didn't anyway.

she turned up after a fake referral from whoever(boy if i knew who did it) saying my at the time 10y old wasn't attending the local school.
we home educate and hes never been in school. all legal and millions home ed

from very first meeting,where she pushed passed me at the door she tried to bully me and talk down to me, im not that person(im a major alpha female type)and would not take her shit. i told her very firmly to leave and on leaving she turned and practically spat at me and said that's it bitch im getting you.

with in the same day they were put on a CPP for parenting and educational neglect, her reasons, you ready for this?

BECAUSE i follow attachment gentle parenting and home educate.
this was april 20 so in the first lockdown, where no one was attending school
she would visit 4 times a week on her way home from work so technically out of work(never let in though,always ignored as none was legally scheduled )i would wake up to phone calls and voice mails from her demanding me to tell her my education plans for today and as unschoolers that's not how it works.i found out later even on her days off so even sat in her own hose i was on her mind

my boys have many disabilities each and oldest was diagnosed in 2012,this bitch tried to say its all in my head and im only doing for dla money(didnt mater that i was a 24/7 carer as hes that severe)and tried to get them overturned.
she even bullied the doctors receptionist.

surgery put in a complaint in about this

she though she could bully me in to doing t hings how she saw fit

if i disagreed with anything she said or even answered back or even quote laws she would threated an emergency care order with in the hour,this happened numerous times a week.
it would nev3er change my answer as 1 i eqas right and 2 it was laws that you can easily google

i found out afterwards its not that simple but i didnt know that at the time,she was nasty enough to do it

at meeting i and the solicitor would quote home education laws at her and she wouldn't accept it and would repeat and repeat well i dont agree with it so im not listening or accepting them you WILL do this how i tell you

they are laws for the whole uk and this bitch thought her personal opinion was above them.the solicitor was gob smacked after every meeting and would, put his own complaints in about her as she treated him the same way

her manager was just as corrupt and believe the whole lies of reports or just didn't bother to get them checked.

youngest was 4 years of fertility treatment as i don't/didn't see periods due to sever PCOS(im 42 and never seen one) i was called a liar about that. even though there's medical reports which the solicitor provided ands she accused him of doctoring them up

he was also 11lb11oz and 29 inches born i was told im making that up i bet he was about 5 llbs as no babies that big ,she shut up when i showed her proof.

i found out later they are trained in gaslighting

i fought them all the way with the help of a great solicitor who in 35 years of fighting SS he never came across one as biased and obnoxious as her and thought she was above he law and how unprofessional she was.

we did stage 1,2 and 3 complaints against them both. stage 3 are severe and after a long battle both got fired for using personal beliefs over professional and corrupt behaviour and using her job as a personal vendetta

i joined those groups desperate for help as before i though SS only got involved when there was a reason . boy was i wrong there are so many innocent families targeted because a SW don't like you or don't parent how they see fit.

im a living reason to say its not the case and SW will do what they can and what ever they want to get you on plans. if she followed the laws and regulations she had zero reason to put them on any list/plan

i had her,without my permission sign me up on a authoritative parent course for under 5s(boy were 10 and 16)as that's what she followed and following gentle/attachment parenting since 04 this wasnt happening,she even want as far as to enrol both kids in to the local school and 6th form,6th form was 40 minutes away so no idea why the school accepted that, we think she pretended to be the parent

both school got involved after that and complained as they were used in her path of personal destruction.

so as the doctors,and schools was being used as her tool to hit me with all this was used as evidence.and my very lengthy detailed complaints(as i recorded every conversation and written communication) and the solicitors

all this caused me to have an emotional breakdown,both kids trauma and with the help of said solicitor in the process of claiming compensation against SS for allowing these people(ie SW and manager) to get away with this behaviour and the manager not checking enough on her workers behaviour/illegal practices

i was just annoyed it took 2 and half years of fighting this toxic bitch to get heard.

so after a very long personal story(people need to know these thing do happen so that's why im writing this ),yes there are many innocent parent being target by nasty social workers and the whole corrupt system.

i was one of the lucky ones,not once was my kids taken away just the threat of it as at one point she tried the FII route(Fabricated or induced illness)googled it its bad

@DONTMESSWITHMEDARNA

Children in England can't be put on a Child Protection Plan the same day as an initial home visit. They can only be subject to a plan following an Initial Child Protection Conference which takes time to arrange, needs invitations sent to all the relevant agencies and the parents and is the shared decision of the professionals, not just the Social Worker. This is all overseen by an Independent Reviewing Officer to ensure fairness and transparency. It's not hugely dissimilar across the rest of the UK.

I'm very interested in your proof that Social Workers are trained in gaslighting. Can you share how they get on that course?

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl I think you have your case in point with @DONTMESSWITHMEDARNA

Denial. This is a fabulous example:

”BECAUSE i follow attachment gentle parenting and home educate.”

Poster is both extremely aggressive despite claiming to be gentle, AND perhaps not in the best of positions to be home-educating.

@DONTMESSWITHMEDARNA 🤣 I'm sure you've told 'your story' so often, you actually believe it now and it has now become 'your truth' 🤦‍♀️

Thing is, despite Social Services many flaws, the things you state simply aren't true! A Child Protection Plan CANNOT be put into place by one person on one day! It just can't! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️ And a SW simply cannot 'pretend' to be a parent and fill out school enrolment forms, and 'get' you school places for your children...this is absurd fantasy!

Your mind has clearly turned your fantasy story into some bizarre reality though, which indicates that you may need to seek support for your own well-being. So I wish you well 🤷‍♀️

Unfortunately denial, most of us have buried our head in the sand at some point.

Our two are adopted. Their birth mother has featured in more than one trashy magazine and has been seen on such groups. She is a loving mother who had her children stolen, she had a clean loving home with appropriate boundaries. She failed the mention that she is a complete fantasist, the drug use, the drinking, the severe physical abuse, withholding food, broken bones, leaving them alone for days at a time.

She tells
people a very long story about her being perfect, SS telling lies etc and encouraging doctors to tell lies etc, she has been tweaking her story for years for maximum sympathy, as its all about her, she doesn’t have the slightest sympathy for the children she chose to abuse.

It's denial. They latch on to the most minor issue they're given by the SS to improve and ignore the rest.

Someone I know had SS involvement for a 'messy house'

The house WAS messy, yes, but her kids didn't have sheets on their beds and no clothes to wear because no laundry was done, no toothpaste in the bathroom that was covered cat shit so the kids didn't bathe...

Nobody's going to get a CPP for crumbs on the floor of an untidy but functional kitchen.

I'm sure some of the reports on the FB group will be bollocks but also not all SW are competent, it is a profession into which it is hard to recruit, and they have a fair amount of power.

It is one of those services where you definitely need legal support if you ever interact with them because they can decide on something pretty early in any 'investigation', rather like our esteemed police.

You can have your children taken away for 'risk of future harm' and even 'future risk of emotional harm', so in essence nothing has actually happened to the child yet eg the child may not have even been born.

Care leavers have a much higher level of SS involvement which may not always be unbiased.

On another thread someone mentioned protecting our children on YouTube I watched 2 of the 3 episodes yesterday, it's quite the eye opener! People who say 'just because my house is messy' probably have a very different idea of messy than most people. I think in some cases people live crazy and chaotic lifestyles but its their normal so they don't see the problem.

Are you for real?
So many red flags here!

I'm a current student social worker. None of my modules are how to gaslights parents. I follow that FB group it's actually scary the amount of untrue things that are said about what social services can so.
I'm a mature 40 plus student whose had her own not so great experiences with the system. However my course is all about how we can work with the service user. @DONTMESSWITHMEDARNA I can absolutely confirm that in no way would what happened with you happen where I study/practice. There is so much accountability in our roles we can't just do what we want it has to follow the law.

Social workers don't have the power to remove children. Only police can do that for up to 72 hours and the Court has to decide for longer if parents don't agree. Obviously social workers have to make the Court application but parents are encouraged to have legal representation and there has to be evidence of significant harm.