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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would friends behaviour annoy you?

52 replies

DilemmaADay · 22/02/2023 18:28

So I was staying at a friend's new house over the weekend, her husband was out so we had a girly night in, food and some cocktails before going to bed at midnight. Friend had made a few references to how she's an early riser because her job makes her get up early over the week and that she will be having a plumber come in from about 9. No problem I thought. No references for her wanting me to be up at a specific time.

I went to the spare room, said goodnight and shut the door behind me and went to sleep. About 7.45am I woke up with a jump to realise friend was in my room, opening the drawers under the bed I was sleeping in saying "oh don't mind me, just putting some washing away". I shrugged it off and went back to sleep. About 8.30, friend came barging in again, making me jump out of a sleep. I told her this time she'd made me jump and I got the Mumsnet tinkley laugh and "Oooh sorry I've been up ages, was just doing some chores". I then said I might as well just get up and got dressed.

The more I thought about this the more it annoyed me, as my friend didn't say she wanted me to be up at a specific time, so felt like just because she's an early riser, I had to be too.

Details if relevant

Friend didn't knock either time, just walked in

-Friend wasn't drunk/tipsy -We are both are same age (mid 30s)

Known each other for 12 years and used to live together at uni
See each other about 3 times a year, but close (each others bridesmaids)

OP posts:

IsItBedtimeYetNope · 22/02/2023 18:30

Seems a bit passive aggressive of her. She should have communicated clearly the night before and in the morning, she should have knocked at the door and told you it was time to get up if she wanted you up and about.

verabarbleen · 22/02/2023 19:07

It would annoy me but my best friend would do this too we are 35 and have been best friends since 12... in fact she'd probably have me up helping 😂 I wouldn't do it though but we have very different personalities. Just get her back next time 😁

PleasantZen · 22/02/2023 19:13

Did she need you to leave?

2crossedout1 · 22/02/2023 19:14

She should definitely have knocked!

Droppit · 22/02/2023 19:14

I agree it is annoying and unnecessary. She could easily have left those things till later. Also it's just the total lack of privacy.

Dacadactyl · 22/02/2023 19:17

No it wouldn't have annoyed me. I'd have been up early too though.

Hawkins003 · 22/02/2023 19:18

Surely she could of waited,

RealBecca · 22/02/2023 19:24

She wanted you up and gone before the plumber came round.

She should have communicated that but the 745 disturbance was very clear (again, if she didn't want to do the decent thing of telling you to be up and out the night before she ought to have at least woken you with a coffee)

So she was shit at communicating but the message was still clear.

TedMullins · 22/02/2023 19:26

Yes that would really annoy me and I wouldn’t stay over again! Can’t stand it when people won’t just say what they mean/want

yeetingbird · 22/02/2023 19:29

Were you only staying one night?

It sounds like she wanted you to leave early the next morning but hadn't clearly said so.

Emptycrackedcup · 22/02/2023 19:31

Yeah I'd be annoyed, I'd also want to be warned before I'd even been over for drinks that an early morning was expected

watchfulwishes · 22/02/2023 19:38

I probably wouldn't be that annoyed, she did say she needed to be up.

It sounds like miscommunication/poor communication as she potentially expected you to get up when you knew something was ahppening at 9am, but of course she didn't say. If she's a good friend in other ways I would let this go.

Original poster

DilemmaADay · 22/02/2023 19:45

Sorry to dripfeed, she absolutely didn't want me to leave early, she mentioned going for breakfast the night before, and wanted to go shopping in town after as well. I could understand her wanting me to get up, but surely as previous poster suggested, a knock on the door and a coffee would have been better than being woken up by a drawer opening under the bed you're sleeping in 😫

OP posts:

LadyJ2023 · 22/02/2023 19:50

I guess family or friends when we stay we do what they do there house so respect there rules or routines

StopFeckingFaffing · 22/02/2023 19:52

I can't imagine getting upset enough about this to start a MN thread no

I mean you'd had almost 8 hours sleep so not unreasonable to expect you to be awake unless you were really drunk the night before, and you are good mates who have previously lived together so not really the same as someone you don't know well coming into your bedroom

If you are old friends couldn't you just jokingly tell her to leave you in peace?

rothbury · 22/02/2023 19:54

Well if you knew you were supposed to be going out for breakfast, why were you still in bed trying to sleep at 8.30?

It sounds like you and your friend have different ideas about normal getting up time!!

Randomactsofspanking · 22/02/2023 20:09

Is she having an affair with the plumber?

burnoutbabe · 22/02/2023 20:11

rothbury · 22/02/2023 19:54

Well if you knew you were supposed to be going out for breakfast, why were you still in bed trying to sleep at 8.30?

It sounds like you and your friend have different ideas about normal getting up time!!

I assume breakfast was after the 9am plumber.

She seems very rude. If she wanted you up -tell you night before or bring coffee at 7.45 (and knock) and explain plumber needs to access your room etc.

toastofthetown · 22/02/2023 20:17

I'd be annoyed if someone just came into a room I was sleeping in without knocking. It's meant to be your space.You could have been changing or dealing with something private, or even just mindlessly scrolling the Internet before getting up and socialising. I have a friend who stays over frequently and wakes up much later than me. We just agree a time to get up if we have morning plans, or just wake up and head down when we're ready otherwise. No barging into someone's room.

DrManhattan · 22/02/2023 20:33

Why didn't you take the hint? She clearly wanted you to go early

ItchyBillco · 22/02/2023 20:59

DilemmaADay · 22/02/2023 19:45

Yeah, that’s bloody rude. 7:45am is way too early. Especially after a late night! The inference is you’re a lazy toad in bed. And if she couldn’t resist waking you, then bring you a bloody cup of tea!

When my friends stay, I‘ll take them a brew and hop into bed with them and have a chat. Maybe with some biscuits or pastries. We’re normally hungover to fuck though. 😌

Cococomellonn · 22/02/2023 21:04

I think it's really rude and unnecessary actually OP

i wouldn't want someone barging into the room I'm sleeping in

TedMullins · 22/02/2023 21:44

rothbury · 22/02/2023 19:54

Well if you knew you were supposed to be going out for breakfast, why were you still in bed trying to sleep at 8.30?

It sounds like you and your friend have different ideas about normal getting up time!!

8.30 is not a normal time to go for breakfast in my world. 10am is the absolute earliest I wake up if I don’t have work!

Ihatethenewlook · 22/02/2023 21:51

TedMullins · 22/02/2023 21:44

8.30 is not a normal time to go for breakfast in my world. 10am is the absolute earliest I wake up if I don’t have work!

Show quote history

This. Like fuck would I be having a girly sleepover with my mate drinking cocktails until midnight, and then dragging my arse out of bed at 7am for an 8.30 breakfast!!

Guavafish1 · 22/02/2023 21:55

I would have said I'm a late raiser... so wake me at x time.

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