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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would friends behaviour annoy you?

52 replies

DilemmaADay · 22/02/2023 18:28

So I was staying at a friend's new house over the weekend, her husband was out so we had a girly night in, food and some cocktails before going to bed at midnight. Friend had made a few references to how she's an early riser because her job makes her get up early over the week and that she will be having a plumber come in from about 9. No problem I thought. No references for her wanting me to be up at a specific time.

I went to the spare room, said goodnight and shut the door behind me and went to sleep. About 7.45am I woke up with a jump to realise friend was in my room, opening the drawers under the bed I was sleeping in saying "oh don't mind me, just putting some washing away". I shrugged it off and went back to sleep. About 8.30, friend came barging in again, making me jump out of a sleep. I told her this time she'd made me jump and I got the Mumsnet tinkley laugh and "Oooh sorry I've been up ages, was just doing some chores". I then said I might as well just get up and got dressed.

The more I thought about this the more it annoyed me, as my friend didn't say she wanted me to be up at a specific time, so felt like just because she's an early riser, I had to be too.

Details if relevant

  • Friend didn't knock either time, just walked in
-Friend wasn't drunk/tipsy -We are both are same age (mid 30s)
  • Known each other for 12 years and used to live together at uni
  • See each other about 3 times a year, but close (each others bridesmaids)
OP posts:
rothbury · 22/02/2023 22:33

If I knew plumber was coming at 9 and we were going for breakfast, I would definitely get up by 8.30 latest to get showered and dressed in case water was turned off.

I am very practical!!

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 23/02/2023 00:00

Wtf?

If you have a guest then their bedroom (guestroom) or sleeping area should be treated as their private space while they are there.

Unbelievablely rude of her. I'd rethink the friendship over this.

Original poster
DilemmaADay · 23/02/2023 00:21

This is it, it seems bizarre some posters are focusing on me still being in bed at 8.30 rather than being barged in on unexpected whilst sleeping. That's the rude thing (and yes I was annoyed about it and made a thread, you would hate to see what kind of things other people get annoyed with and post about - this is pretty tame 😉)

OP posts:
BananaCocktails · 23/02/2023 00:24

You are reading way too much into it. She probably just wanted you to wake up so she can chat to you.
me and my friends walk in and out of each other’s rooms all the time when we are staying over she probably sees you as a best friend
Big deal, she didn’t knock and to be honest, 830 is quite late to be sleeping in at someone else’s house. I would’ve got up by then

Valentina12 · 23/02/2023 00:26

Ah OP. Didn’t you know that people who rise early
are more virtuous and far superior to those of us who enjoy a lie in?

WentForAWalk · 23/02/2023 00:53

I would be furious if a friend did this. Bloody rude.

FictionalCharacter · 23/02/2023 01:29

That’s a really passive-aggressive way to chivvy you into getting up.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 23/02/2023 01:41

Valentina12 · 23/02/2023 00:26

Ah OP. Didn’t you know that people who rise early
are more virtuous and far superior to those of us who enjoy a lie in?

It’s true. We are.

AnyMucca · 23/02/2023 02:39

She's one of these 'one up, all up' twats.

Original poster
DilemmaADay · 23/02/2023 08:29

@Valentina12 If you've not done 3 lots of washing, made a full English breakfast and been to the gym, all before 6am on MN you're practically a slob 😉

OP posts:
Lobelia123 · 23/02/2023 08:44

Im an early riser and would think it rude for a guest t be lying in bed so late! But thats just personal preference....all this could have been avoided by just confirming what was to happen in the morning. Not just vaguely but times arrangements etc. I get the feeling you overstayed your welcome and she thought you were sleeping over to save driving home after a few drinks, not that youd be sleeping in till the sun shone up your arse while she was wanting to get on with her day and her weekend! Neither of you is necessarily wrong, just different. Next time just make sure what is actually happening, not what would be happening if it were at your place. You were at her place, so her rules.

TriedTurningItOff · 23/02/2023 09:05

She was plain rude

billy1966 · 23/02/2023 09:13

She's very, very rude.

It's that simple.

clairelouwho · 23/02/2023 09:58

I personally wouldn’t have a lie in at someone else’s house especially if I knew that they were up and about. I’d feel uncomfortable and rude if I was honest.

i tend towards following the norms of the house. If they’re up, I’m up. I don’t think this is a big deal. If you don’t like it don’t stay there again.

Original poster
DilemmaADay · 23/02/2023 10:02

@Lobelia123 You're focusing on the time, rather than the bursting in the room. The time is irrelevant really, as friend wanted me to stay for the day after.
And shoot me down for being a lazy bastard, but after a full day at work, a 2 hour drive to friends and a night away from the kids, I wanted to stay asleep past 7.45.

OP posts:
Lobelia123 · 23/02/2023 10:05

@DilemmaADay and you are focussing on the bursting in, when I was saying that you are both at fault for not clearing this up the night before and just assuming that your way would be the right way. I tend to think if no fault = equal fault, that you must put your hand up here because as a guest in someone elses home, its up to you to fit in with them, otherwise you would be in a hotel, not a home. It all seems like a bit of a storm in a teacup, yes its annoying and maybe even a little bit embarrassing or awkward, but honestly making such a big deal over it is silly. Speak to her about it if it really riles you, or move on.

Jimblob · 23/02/2023 10:09

No. It might just be behaviour that she doesn’t realise could cause offence. You’re a grown woman and could have gone home at the end of the night instead of having a toddlers pajama party. Was she supposed to let you sleep until dinner?

Original poster
DilemmaADay · 23/02/2023 10:15

@Jimblob Hilarious. So noone past child age is allowed to stay at anyones houses, and by midnight we must all rush back to our respective houses before we turn into pumpkins. Friend lives 2 hours away, and we'd had a few drinks. And 8.30 is hardly until dinner time. You sound batshit

I've heard some strange things on MN, people who think it's unheard of to share a room with a friend when going away together because they "need their own space" yet it's perfectly reasonable for a friend to come into the room I'm sleeping without knocking, waking me up and making me jump 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
DilemmaADay · 23/02/2023 10:18

Looks like the "I get up at 5am every morning" martyrs are out in full force, I wish I hadn't mentioned the time as the issue was more about the lack of personal space. Just because you're up at the arsecrack of dawn doesn't mean we all are.

I'll accept the mixed response and leave it here 😀

OP posts:
Aprilx · 23/02/2023 10:20

She definitely should not have come into your room, she should have knocked. I think you were rude to still be lying around in bed at 8:30am when she has clearly indicated an early start and that she has the plumber coming. Who the hell has a lie in at somebody else’s house!

Ilovelurchers · 23/02/2023 10:25

It's a bit annoying yeah. She should have knocked at least. Not worth falling out with her over tho if she is otherwise nice - just try to put it behind you and don't let it spoil your day with your friend!

toastofthetown · 23/02/2023 10:30

Aprilx · 23/02/2023 10:20

She definitely should not have come into your room, she should have knocked. I think you were rude to still be lying around in bed at 8:30am when she has clearly indicated an early start and that she has the plumber coming. Who the hell has a lie in at somebody else’s house!

Lots of people. I have friends who like to sleep in at the weekend. Unless I have morning plans, I’d rather they were happy and had the sleep they want to have. Before bed, a brief conversation about what time we need to be up and then everyone knows where they stand. It’s far ruder to enter a room where a guest has the expectation of privacy.

I am curious as to what is the appropriate time a guest should get out of bed in Mumsnet’s eyes.

Ihatethenewlook · 23/02/2023 10:39

Jimblob · 23/02/2023 10:09

No. It might just be behaviour that she doesn’t realise could cause offence. You’re a grown woman and could have gone home at the end of the night instead of having a toddlers pajama party. Was she supposed to let you sleep until dinner?

What a tit 😂 imagine going through life actually thinking things like this 🤣🤣

ItchyBillco · 23/02/2023 10:45

Jimblob · 23/02/2023 10:09

No. It might just be behaviour that she doesn’t realise could cause offence. You’re a grown woman and could have gone home at the end of the night instead of having a toddlers pajama party. Was she supposed to let you sleep until dinner?

You’re crackers 😆

rainbowstardrops · 23/02/2023 11:00

I mean, it's a bit off of her as she presumably knew you were still asleep but you don't know that she didn't knock on the door both times though because you said she made you jump and wake up both times.
I still think she could have waited until 9ish if she wanted to get the house straight before the plumber came.

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