How do we do it?

[Bunnyfuller]

Possibly IABU but I’m mystified:

middle income family, managing just about in current climate.

DD almost 17 is champing at the bit to learn to drive. We’ve said we can buy her a set of 10 lessons this year instead of giving her the money on her 18th. Then I said to her how will you buy a car? We can’t run to buying a car and insuring it, even if we did our one year older daughter would want the same ‘treating’

How do people do it? We’re shitting ourselves at the thought of university- it seems due to income we won’t get much help, and again, how the hell do people afford it? We have no savings and no money in the family at all on either side.

Do I need to break it to her that we can’t do uni, let alone the car!

Tell her to get a job to fund herself through uni That's what I'd have had to do.

I also paid for my own driving lessons and then car and its costs.

She gets a job

Yes, we have said that to her. She does have a part time (very part time!) job now, which she moans about constantly. I guess this will make her realise she needs to work more if she wants a car. Doesn’t help her best friend is from a wealthy family and her dad has already said he will buy her a car when she passes her test.

She can do uni though. Loans, overdraft, pub work. Lots of kids will be in the same boat

I got a car at the age of 22 while living at my mums and had to pay for it myself by working. Everything I’ve done while at my mums I did myself I’m now a mother myself 16 years off this conversation. I paid for my own lessons and everything inbetween so maybe your children should do the same if they want something so much for themselves and it’ll teach them so much too about how good it is to work hard for something you want.

I think learning to drive is a useful skill but no need to actually have a car once she’s passed.
Uni get loans like everyone does and pay them back once you’re earning.
Summer job or also term time job to help pay her way. Not sure current climate has anything to do with it.

"How do people do it?"
They don't! If you can't afford it, you don't do it. I didn't learn to drive until my 30s because my parents couldn't afford it when I was teenage and then in my 20s I was paying student fees, rent, and so on.
You buy things when you have the money and not until then.

We bought our kids a decent run a round, Clio, and taught them ourselves. The deal was they paid the insurance (is quite cheap while learning as supervised).

They both past first time, with onky 2 or 3 minors. Then they kept the car and paid higher insurance.

We saw driving lessons as a waste of money at £40+an hour. They drove everytime we needed to go out, and dedicated just us giving lessons.

The money from my Weekend job paid for my driving lessons after the first few bought by my parents.

I borrowed their car for the year in between passing and going to university and paid for any fuel I used.

used public transport at university

got a job after university and paid for my own car.

Can't she share your car? When I was living at home I used my parents car unless they needed it.

Got a weekend job and paid for my less9ns, saved up for my forst car from jobs, chores, selling things and money from relatives for birthday and Xmas. Went to uni and used loan for living, rent, and got a part time job to cover the rest. It's doable. If you don't have much money she may also receive grants.

I would have a conversation sooner rather than later, I've seen so many posts recently about teenagers and their frankly unrealistic and even entitled expectations.

She needs to know now whilst she has a bit of time before uni and the start of proper self sufficient adulthood what her options are and to take responsibility for extras she wants in life whilst making it clear what you can provide for her needs during that transition.

I also would like to add I got my car before I passed and my mum and grandad sat next to me.

@Whammyyammy that's how we do it in the US too. Generally kids will have a lesson or two at most to learn how to use the controls then they just drive EVERYWHERE they or their parents need to go over the next year (with an adult in the car of course).
I reckon DS has driven 1000's of miles by the time he took his test and we only paid for 2 days worth of formal lessons.

Thanks guys, it makes sense. I think we’re surrounded by people with more money than us. At the moment she’s seething because I’ve said she needs to work more if she wants these things. Her sister works at Mac Donald’s part time, and it’s pretty good money for teenagers, but she works at a little cafe on just over minimum wage for 16 yr old, only 7 hours a week. I’m not saying anything else now, will let it all sink

Car - ds1 paid for his lessons and he's insured on my car.
Univerity - Tuition fee loan and basic maintenance loan. Any other money he needs he works for.

I'm paying for DS driving lessons but I can't afford a car for him. I passed my test at 19 and didn't get a car till I could buy my own age 24. It's not compulsory to buy your teen a car.

She is old enough to know your money limitations and there will be others at school in similar position. I knew people who got a brand new car for their 18th birthday; I had a weekend job and paid for some of my driving lessons, my parents then insured me on their car and in return I picked them up from the odd night out. There were other kids at school in my situation or similar too. I never questioned it and certainly never sulked about it. (Obviously I sulked about plenty of other things though, I was a teenager after all!)
On the other hand, I am a bit surprised that it sounds like you haven’t planned for, budgeted for or discussed how things like driving lessons, insurance and uni will be paid for. We had those conversations when I was growing up, and do with my kids too.

She works for it. I bought my own car at 17, I had part time jobs from the age of 14 and saved for my car and university, then worked during the holidays whilst at uni to supplement my student loan. Loads of people do this.

Unless you’re really rural (& then it’s a more pragmatic thing to pay for a car so you’re not taxiing them everywhere) then most people don’t buy their 17 year olds a car, in my experience. They add them to the insurance on the family car, and they can use it when it’s not needed by others. Ideally you wouldn’t have a flash car on credit for this!

I have paid for driving lessons but now she's passed she uses my car.
Uni - she stays home and commutes into the city for her course.

That's how I afford it

It’s ok for her not to have a car until she can fund it herself
I had one, as we lived way off any public transport routes and my parents were fed up of playing taxi. Had they not been able to afford it, there’s no way I’d have expected to have one
Lots of my fellow uni students didn’t own cars. I didn’t take mine to uni either
And re funding uni, I worked during holidays, almost every day. During my masters, I worked weekends.

A driving licence is important. Far more important than having a car. That can come at any point. So id definitely pay for lessons.

tell her asap about uni so she can look at courses in commuting distance. A friend of mine was told ON RESULTS DAY her parents couldnt afford for her to go. She was devastated. Wtf the parents were thinking i dont know.

I came from a working class family, I had 3 part-time jobs at one point during studies. My parents gave me £500 towards a car, everything else was down to me. Financial support towards university? You're having a laugh! Again that was on me!