How do we do it?

[Bunnyfuller]

Possibly IABU but I’m mystified:

middle income family, managing just about in current climate.

DD almost 17 is champing at the bit to learn to drive. We’ve said we can buy her a set of 10 lessons this year instead of giving her the money on her 18th. Then I said to her how will you buy a car? We can’t run to buying a car and insuring it, even if we did our one year older daughter would want the same ‘treating’

How do people do it? We’re shitting ourselves at the thought of university- it seems due to income we won’t get much help, and again, how the hell do people afford it? We have no savings and no money in the family at all on either side.

Do I need to break it to her that we can’t do uni, let alone the car!

I would prioritise uni over driving lessons. I didn't learn to drive until after I had graduated and could pay for it myself.

You need to seriously sit down with her and work out the finance for uni though, so she understands the limitations. If she is not going to be able to borrow enough to live on due to your income, and you can't make up the difference, then she needs to understand, ASAP.

My parents paid for my driving lessons, I was lucky, but there was absolutely no question of them buying me a car. I bought my own when I got a job age 23. I was lucky enough to be insured on their car before then and was allowed to use it if they didn’t need it, but we were one car household so it was just in evenings sometimes. I only knew of a very few of my friends who had full time use of a car at that age, and only one or two whose parents bought them one. That would have been v flash. People tended to be on their parents insurance.

Driving is a privilege, not a right.

We couldn't afford to buy cars for our DC. DD had 7 lessons but hated it at 18. She waited until she was 30 to learn. Neither DSs drive, the 34 yr old rides a motorbike. He is looking into getting lessons in the near future. Oldest DS doesn't drive and is happy to get train, bus or taxi when needed.

Uni, unless they intend to go into a professional career requiring a degree is also a luxury.

She wants those things she needs to start earning.

@Iudncuewbccgrcb I could have written your exact post.

What car do you have? I drive a mini and plan to put DS on my insurance when he passes his test. It will cost an extra £40 a month which I can stretch to. Means he can be taxi for me (he doesn’t drink) and can pop over to visit his dad or grandma to practise his driving. By the time he can afford his own car he’ll have a bit of no claims built up.
That only works if you have a cheap enough car though.

Oh, and I was 23 when I learnt and a parent of 2.

I went to university with hardly any help from my parents. They helped all they could but couldn't afford much. I got an interest free overdraft which helped and applied for the student loans I was eligible for and got a job. I couldn't afford to learn to drive until I left uni and started working full time. I then paid for all my driving lessons myself.
If she wants something she can still do it , even if you can't afford to help. It's not your responsibility to fund your adult child for the rest of her life.

Well I had to get a job and pay for my own driving lessons and my parents gave me a car but it was an old one not worth much!

I also had to take out student loans and took me till I was about 30 to pay them off.

These days with fees loans will be the norm.
interest rate will be low still I imagine.

Most students won’t need a car anyway so she can buy one once she has a job…

It's a waste of money going to university.

She should look at apprenticeships.

DS is in his first year at university, in his flat of 8 only 2 drive and only one has a car. Parents couldn't afford. He didn't really work for two years with lockdown so didn't have the chance to save up. No way I could afford, like many others. Added to that the time missed during lockdown when he would have been driving. I couldn't even afford to insure him on my car.
He gets the full loan and maintenance loan for university and I buy him some food shopping as and when. He manages, just as I have as a single mum.

I worked to afford the lessons aged 20/21. My parents could not afford to pay for them. But I just got on with it and didn't complain. I had a part time job from the age of 14. At uni they did the odd grocery shop but I also had a student loan and a bursary. I had part time work as a student too. I am expecting my own DC to follow in a similar vein.

Only DS2 of mine has wanted to learn to drive. I paid for his lessons and tests. He is on the insurance for my tiny car and is welcome to drive it when he is home; he is also OK to borrow it as needed (for a weekend away for example). If he wants his own car he will have to save up.

Some of my DCs' friends saved up their money to buy a car; some had one bought by parents.

When you say middle income OP, what sort of ballpark? DS2 gets a pretty high loan (£7k) and our household income is around £60k. I top it up a bit and buy him things as and when to make up the rest. It's doable for us but we are careful with money. What sort of loan would DC get? Many unis have lower-budget accommodation which may make it feasible, or yy are there any local that would be good. DD commuted in her final year for various reasons and that saved a lot of money (esp as she only needed to go in twice a week (arts degree)).

My neighbours daughter just started at Sainsburys part time around uni. she's on £11 an hour. She's funding her own driving lessons once her first pay comes through.