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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is flirting?

60 replies

balagio · 21/02/2023 23:30

My husband manages a team of people. Recently he has mentioned a female undergrad 'flirting'. The past few weeks the messages have gone like this -

Her - husbands name
Him - yeah?
Her - I hope I I haven't offended you
Him - are you alright?
Her - yeah I'm just drunk.

Months later

Her - Hi name, just to say that I won’t be continuing name youth club on Fridays anymore. Would be willing to do shifts at summer if needed.

Him - That's no bother, I just need u to email me it so I can pass it onto employee services. When do u plan to finish up? Can u make sure to put the date u intend on leaving in the email as well please x

Her - Okay thanks, will email you! Friday passed was my last shift, sorry did try and give a weeks notice (think that’s all I need to give because I’m bank?). I will put that on the letter. As I said, if any shifts come up in summer at name, name and etc then happy to do, I’m just struggling to fit everything in now placement has started. Thanks for all your help past few years and helping me gain experience x

Him - Ye no worries. Email me when u can and il pass it on to formalise it. I'm not sure about notice because it depends on ur contract. If its just time sheets then no notice required. If its contracted then it's minimum of two weeks so il need to check what ur on and get that sorted out but if u can't make this Friday that's fine il try get some cover in. Hope ur placement and uni stuff goes well x

Her - Yeah it’s just timesheets I put in x

Him - Did u not have 4 week contract or anything. Did u and kiera do those interviews? Were they just for Bank staff or were they for the name positions? Sorry just trying to work out a few things. Can't remember because I was off for so long and haven't really caught up on all the contract stuff yet

Her - Yeah the interviews were just for bank positions, not name specifically. As far as I’m aware, I’ve never had a contract x

Him - Thanks

Her - Was that email okay?

Him - Ye should be fine il pass it on and see what they say. Are u wanting to do the flipout trip them if they let me put u in?

Her - When is that?

Him - Not confirmed the date yet but in march on a Friday night

Her - Yeah that’s fine, just let me know

Her - Hey, have I to work name this Friday?xx

Him - If you can please ye

Her - okay, why you being so off with me?

Him - I don't mean to be sorry

Her - drunk and awkward

Him - if it's any consolation, I don't.

Can someone please help me make sense of these? Am I being cheated on?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 22/02/2023 02:51

She keeps saying she's drunk which is very weird.

And the obsession with xs after messages is frankly weird. I don't understand it at all.

AftersomeAdvice234 · 22/02/2023 03:06

Not flirting, I honestly can’t see how you think it might be.

I have people at work who out xs ag the end of each message- some people are odd that way

AnyMucca · 22/02/2023 03:12

Sorry, out of that boring (and outing) message I must have missed the line "your arse looked hot today in those trousers"

Vegalam · 22/02/2023 03:14

My impression is that she has said something/flirted with him when drunk but he has shut it down.

There is either context they're both aware of that make those last few texts make sense to themselves, or some messages have potentially been deleted?

Bemyclementine · 22/02/2023 03:20

Not at sll flirty.

Zanatdy · 22/02/2023 03:41

None of the messages appear flirty to me

Drinkinggreentea · 22/02/2023 04:05

This isn't flirty. The only thing that's weird is the fact she keeps bringing up being drunk.

If your husband uses "x" with all females then I wouldn't be worried personally. You could ask him if he thinks she's interested but don't ask twice because this seems like nothing.

She might be potentially interested but he doesn't sound it. The opposite actually.

Why are you focusing on this? Has he been acting differently? To be honest, the fact you seem to have access to his phone and emails is a big green flag as far as cheating is concerned. A sign of cheating would be hiding his phone and changing his passwords.

Magnoliamarigold · 22/02/2023 04:53

He gave the first x which I think got her thinking

But I think that x was just a mistake and he kept it going (only for a few messages) to not be rude

Other than that nowt to worry about

autienotnaughty · 22/02/2023 06:05

None of it sounds like flirting but it is inappropriate that she keeps texting when drunk.

rothbury · 22/02/2023 06:09

Not remotely flirty, although she sounds very unprofessional.

I don’t think professional messages from managers should have xx on them but that’s not a hill I would die on.

Whats actually going on here OP? Does he have form?

weathervane1 · 22/02/2023 06:17

I have a bad acquired habit of using 'x's almost as punctuation and often include them when sending texts to friends, irrespective of context and their gender. They mean nothing other than I'm an idiot. I'm trying to lose the habit xx

Turquoisegolf · 22/02/2023 06:26

Looks to be some deleted texts at the last ones. He mentioned her being flirty, so it's in person then.

Blablablablablablab · 22/02/2023 06:36

Wouldn’t think anything of an x after a message. Lots of people do that as a sign off.

i suspect they are in quite an informal work place and wouldn’t give these messages any thought.

CeriB82 · 22/02/2023 06:51

Flirting?! Wow, they’re really going for it aren’t they ?😂

Hillary17 · 22/02/2023 06:58

No, he sounds very professional.

LolaSmiles · 22/02/2023 06:58

It doesn't read like flirting to me. She seems young and might possibly be seeking some attention, but he's not done anything to suggest flirting.

The references to being drunk make me wonder if she's said/done something silly when drunk and he's shut it down, but now she feels worried about it causing an issue.

Pleasecreateausername13 · 22/02/2023 07:06

Not flirting by any standards. I used to work in a team full of guys and we would all text and message each other and would send kisses to each other. Married men, men in long term relationships etc. I also was married.

We were all just really good friends and didn’t mean anything.

They probably have a good working relationship and maybe she thought he was being a bit off with her when she was drunk.

Wouldn’t read into it OP.

BrimFullOfAsher · 22/02/2023 07:07

I think this is one of the most bizarre posts I've read in a while. Absolutely no real context, just normal work messages surely?

BrimFullOfAsher · 22/02/2023 07:07

The only weird bit is his last message with no reference point, maybe a message or exchange was deleted?

Pleasecreateausername13 · 22/02/2023 07:09

Oh I agree with PP, something was clearly deleted at the end.

lap90 · 22/02/2023 07:11

Sounds like wishful thinking from your husband.

Bemyclementine · 22/02/2023 07:12

His last message is odd

DrManhattan · 22/02/2023 07:14

Shes just drunk and / or bored

merlotlover · 22/02/2023 07:25

If it's any consolation I'm not

What does that mean? Not going to the away day thing ?

Bournetilly · 22/02/2023 07:25

It’s not flirting but seems like some messages have been deleted