To feel guilty for investigating this?

[tearsstreamdownyourface]

Posted about this a few days ago probably under a different NN.

I had a 'funny' early childhood, and strongly suspect I was in care at some point but not very sure - had a lot of 'carers' and childminders at home (in excess of 25 over a long period of time) and have been through 18 social workers over 30 years. Also was looked after my grandparents a few times, and in foster care three times that I can remember.

Also went to a special nursery within the social work building.

I've seen a letter from one parent to a solicitor alleging that my sibling and I were taken into care as it was thought we were being abused.

I've since managed to very carefully talk to that parent, the other one isn't able to communicate due to illness so can't answer me.

I'm at university and have been told I could be entitled to extra help (a lot of help) if I can prove care experience, so they've suggested trying to get evidence.

I've spoken to a lovely lady who's contacted the local authority I lived in back then and she's going to call me tomorrow.

I'm so bloody scared, either she finds something, or she doesn't, but I'm scared of what she might find. If she doesn't, that might be hard too as it'll be like all that experiences are invalidated iyswim.

I'm a bit dreading her phone call. She did say even if she finds nothing it doesn't mean nothing happened, just that there's no proof or records.

Has anyone else ever done this?

Being in foster care is being in care, so if you remember that, then you were in care.

Agreed - foster care is care. Grandparent care may or may not be, depending on whether it was formally arranged or unofficial. So as long as there are records you should qualify for the help. If there aren't, ask the university if there are other types of evidence they'd accept, such as some sort of declaration or sworn statement.

And don't feel guilty for investigating it. There are very good reasons for giving extra support to people who've had a difficult or chaotic start in life.

Given your start in life it's a bloody testament to you that you have made it to university, there is a reason why extra assistance is available to people in your situation.

If you remember being in foster care then that's 'care'. It doesn't have to be a care home/residential home situation. Where I work (not a uni) we use the term 'looked after' as this can encompass people who are also taken care of by family/friends etc. it's likely there will be enough tech fence for you to get the support, but obviously that's not all you are concerned about here. Have you ever asked to see all your social work notes?

Evidence not tech fence!

Social Work won't need to provide any personal information to your Uni or you (if you don't want it). All they need to do is confirm that you are care experienced. You can be "looked after" at home and away from home so it sounds like you are definitely CE.

Never asked to see my records, no. Was told when I was 16 it would be pointless as they'd 'redact' any identifying info so wouldn't be worth me seeing them. I've seen some of my GP records when I was 18 or so, GP sat and went through some of them with me.

Case worker's just rang me just now saying there is a bit on file from adult services, but I think that's purely because I cared for my mum for a long time and a lot of 'public protection' forms were submitted at that time, so I'm guessing that's all that is.

They're going to try and find paper records, said it might be difficult as I'm 32, but she said she'll definitely have a look.

I think what she said is it's working out what was for my mum's benefit, and what was for my sibling and I's benefit ... mum had very significant MH issues ... but she said foster care might not have been because there was concerns about ability to care for sibling and I but more because there was zero other option. I dont know.

Grandparents I don't know, my mum was in hospital and my dad was too busy .... so my sibling and I stayed with grandparents for a week. Started off in foster care that week, until my dad came and drove us to grandparents, but I don't know how long for, or even who with.

It's remembering stuff from the past that's very hard, they were asking questions/dates etc and it's very difficult remembering those things but not having anyone to talk to who was actively involved. Mum can't talk (illness), Dad it's extremley hard talking to him about this sort of thing, and all my grandparents are long since gone. Only sibling far too young to remember at all. I don't like thinking about my early childhood at all.

Caseworker was saying if there's no evidence it means any care in place was purely for mum's benefit which would mean I wouldn't legally be classed as care experienced at all. It's so confusing.

How can it help at university? Make sure if you have any SEN or ND disabled student allowance can make a huge difference ☺️

I find this strange. They should literally be able to type your name in the computer and your records will come up.

If not electronically all care paper record files are held by each council so someone there should be able to go and retrieve your file.

I think that's what they've done? I'm not very sure. It's going through a third party so she's talking to social work then feeding back to me (otherwise I'd have to submit a subject access request and wait up to 3 months they said).

Re what kind of help - essentially if I can prove it my uni will a) give me accommodation over summer and b) I'll get some extra funding to help pay for it. At the moment I'm in a fucking mess accommodation I had to take as zero other option, and can't afford to stay here any longer, so having a guaranteed place to stay without having to find a new flat-share, probably needing to change GP surgery and MH team etc, would be a huge help.

if there's no evidence it means any care in place was purely for mum's benefit which would mean I wouldn't legally be classed as care experienced at all.

Hmm. If that does turn out be the case, I would check it with the university. They may not have the same criteria (or if there do there may still be some flexibilty to take into account that your childhood was chaotic in ways that disrupted your education similarly to being care, even if the circumstances don't meet the strict social work definition).

I hope you get all the support you need. Sorry for being nosey is just that I know someone who is applying for university and this could help them 🥰

I would suggest you put in a subject access request to your local authority to obtain all information they hold about you so you can see the records yourself.

Surely if you were in care it doesn’t matter if it was for your mum’s benefit. You still needed care outside of the home as your mother wasn’t able to look after you. I’m not a social worker but it does seem unfair if you can’t access extra help as your childhood was disrupted through no fault of your own.

My Local Authority keeps records for Looked After Children (ie children who have been in care) for Dob plus 75 years which O think is the normal requirement. This is the case whether a child was in care for a few days or a number of years and irrespective of the reason. It should be very easy and quick for the relevant social services dept to check this.

Who is this 3rd party?

www.ucas.com/undergraduate/applying-university/individual-needs/ucas-undergraduate-care-experienced-students#what-do-we-mean-by-care-experience-

Kinship care counts so even without the foster care you should still be considered a care leaver. Speak to your university about potential bursaries as well as the accommodation.

Says up to 25yrs old on that website!

You say it's hard to talk to your dad about this? Is he unwilling to say anything, from guilt perhaps? You could emphasise his 'rescue' of you to grandparents, who knows might help?

Each person does what they have to do to survive, and makes decisions as best they can. Tell him that too if it'll help him be more forthcoming. Try to encourage him to believe that you don't hold him responsible whether you do or not. You need his help NOW so whatever happened in the past is done, and whatever he did, whyever he did it, he can positively help now.

Think it maybe depends where you are in UK, when I spoke to SAAS (because I wondered that as well) they said they've got people who were in care in the 60s/70s so said there's no age/time limit on it, just as long as you were in care at some point.

My support worker at uni emailed earlier saying she's pretty convinced it generally just needs a signature from 'someone' to say they believe what I've said, that it shouldn't need documented proof, so I'm not sure.

3rd party is funnily enough mentioned on that link, I don't want to write their name out on here as don't want this thread to be easily found on google iyswim. But they're mentioned on that link, they've been lovely on the phone so far.

I will do (ask about bursaries) and see what's said.

I think it's just opened up a few things in my mind that I ordinarily try to push away, it wasn't a very pleasant time and thinking about it (even more so as an adult as I kind of look back in horror thinking if I find it scary now, how terrified must I have been back then) is difficult.

Hopefully between uni, me, and potentially social work/3rd party can get something figured out. Worst case scenario I try to look for a flat share before my lease is up here (July) but it would definitely be a big help if I can get back into uni owned student accomodation . (which is a bit strange in your 30s yes, but if its a roof over your head it does the job).

That's basically what I said to him yeah, he said he struggles to remember that far back but said if mum was in hospital and he was at work then yes we were cared for by other people.

I suppose its knowing the difference between other families who use childminding, where does the difference start when it's being looked after by others.

I suppose the difference is that its not typical for a social worker to turn up in the middle of PE when you're 7 to ask you to get changed because mum's in hospital again and you need to go to the foster carer with your sibling ... I suppose that's where it becomes something different to the norm.

Good luck OP, you might be able to access counselling support for anything this brings up for you.

I found comedian Sophie Willan's work on receiving her care records really illuminating.

Im glad it doesn't have an upper age limit! What will you be studying? 😃

Hi OP, you mention SAAS so I think you might be in Scotland? If so, perhaps contact the Who Cares? Scotland helpline. They provide advice and advocacy to those with care experience and maybe be able to help navigate this. Hope this helps!

This isn't necessarily true. LA record keeping has previously been very poor - paper records housed in terrible conditions and many often too damaged to be scanned in or properly recorded. One LA I worked in lost 8 years of files due to a flood, and another lost loads from a sewage leak. All before they were made electronic copies. Some LAs have only had computer records since 2008!