To expect the school to do something?

[MotherofBingo]

This is going to be a bit long winded sorry. I've suspected my dd(7) has ADHD since she was around 2 years old. She didn't speak until she was 2.5 years old - she babbled but other than mum/dad and 2 other words she said nothing recognisable, I brought it up with the health visitor at the time who said not to worry, come back in a few months if still concerned but then she did start talking. She would have epic tantrums to the point of headbutting the floor so hard she'd make herself bleed. She is like the duracell bunny and so, so loud. She never stops talking, will interrupt everyone and is never quiet or still. Ever. She was late to potty train despite my best efforts and again I had the health visitor involved who again dismissed my concerns.

When she started nursery they said how active she was and how outgoing and loud she was, but it was nursery so not concerning. Then she started reception and homeschooling was impossible, she would not focus and it was like I was torturing her when I did try to get her to sit and do work. She was behind when they went into school but lockdown had happened and I was told she'd catch up. Year 1 came and again, I brought up my concerns with a teacher who agreed she was falling further behind and did put her on different books but again, lockdown had happened and she'd catch up eventually. Only now she's in year 2 and her SATS are coming up and I've been told by the school that she's going to fail them, and that's it basically. They aren't doing anything to help her, they seem quite happy to let her fail and just blame me telling me to read with her more at home. (Only me mind you, never her dad who is with her most evenings because I work evenings). I do read with her as much as possible but she will lie on the floor, close to tears saying she can't do it when I ask her to read 1 page. It's not enjoyable for any of us and it's only going to put her off more to be honest, she does have a story read to her every night and has done since she was a baby. I've been to the GP who agreed that she should have an ADHD assessment and said he'd refer her but then the surgery phoned back and said the rules have changed and its down to the school to refer. The school who aren't supporting her at all and haven't listened to me for the last 3 years.

My 3 year old has been treated exactly the same, if anything had less 1 to 1 attention because there's now two children and I work a lot more than when her big sister was little and can recite several books word for word (obviously not actually reading), knows her numbers up to 20 whereas her big sister couldn't do up to 10 by this age and is so much calmer so as much as the school like to blame my parenting, it's not. My eldest also struggles with things like following instructions, remembering tasks, losing items constantly (I know this is normal for 7 year olds but it's honestly excessive). She isn't below average intelligence, the knowledge is there and she can answer questions and read well if we catch her on a good moment but 9/10 it's like drawing blood from a stone. I'm doing all I can but AIBU to think the school should be doing SOMETHING.

I understand there is a lack of funding, I understand teachers are at breaking point I really do but my child is failing and they really don't care. I know year 2 SATS don't matter, but GCSEs will and I don't want her to go through her school life without the support that she clearly needs.

Do you and your dh agree about the need for assessment? If so, make am appointment with the SENCO and both go in and insist they refer her. Ask also what exactly they are going to do to support her academic progress in school. Follow up in writing (email is fine), again stating what the problem is and what you want them to do. From now on you need everything in writing, as an evidence trail. If you email and they call you back, then you email again confirm what was said.

If they agree to refer then ask for time scales and chase them up. You're not wrong, your dd needs help but you are going to have to teach them not to ignore you.

We do agree, we have booked an appointment with the SENCO actually which is coming up but it was booked 2 months ago so it's been a long wait. I have asked what interventions are in place but her class teacher basically told me there was no funding so none basically and the deputy head who I spoke too said that they could put things in place and someone would observe her in lesson but nothing has happened and there's been radio silence from the school. And again it's now been about 2 months since that conversation.

The school should definitely be putting things into place to support her. How is she in a school setting? Can she focus? Does she need to move around lots? Is she able to repeat instructions to the teacher? Can she organise herself with the correct equipment etc?

Make an appointment with the SENCO and teacher and have a list of questions to hand and concerns from home. I would also have suggestions for how to help her- sit near teacher, repeat instructions, tick list for how to tackle work e.g. write the date, underline, etc and tick off when completed, maybe a timer in front of her so teacher can check in after five minutes. Small things that will help make things more manageable.

Do they have intervention groups to support/boost pupils who need extra support? If not, why not?

Question school about the process for getting an assessment.

She doesn't focus in class, her work books are filled with incomplete tasks and she's often being told off for talking too much. She does fidget a lot and I know she also hasn't done PE for the last few weeks because although I've sent her PE kit in, she hasn't been able to find it on the rack when sent to to look for it so I think that's again a case of being distracted. The teacher has found it at the end of the day so I know it's there.

Honestly? I think you should consider switching schools. Waiting 2 months for SENCO, just being told to read at home, child allowed to miss PE rather than an effort to find her bag at the time…

It all sounds rather rubbish. Some kids won’t read at home; usually there is additional support at school which is filtered to them. Eg my kids were all great readers and consequently hardly read at school; they were very aware that this was in part due to some children needing to read daily at school as they needed that extra support. Often schools are really clear that if your child is reluctant at home, don’t force it as this could cause a much bigger problem with reading, and instead they pick up the slack with volunteers at school. I’m not recommending this-not my area of expertise. But some ideas need to be explored with some proper educational support. I imagine that there are lots of methods that you could be doing at home, but no one is giving you any help with accessing them. I understand that you might think you would have to start again in a new school, but it really doesn’t sound like you have made any progress where you are. Did your child pass their phonics screening at the end of Y1? If not they would be repeating this year, and I would expect School to have a plan around this. My kids go to a Primary which isn’t amazing, but there was lots sent home during Y1 to support the work at school around the phonics test, to ensure they knew all their sounds etc, and was specifically tailored to the child. I’m a cynic and feel this is to get parents to improve the school scores, but it doesn’t really matter; my point is that ordinarily schools know exactly where your child is at this young age, and are trying to ensure as many as possible get to where they should be. Baffling that any parent should be told their child would fail (and you don’t fail, you are below expected) their KS1 SATS with no recommendation on how to at least try to get to expected; the school’s aim should be to get as many children to expected as possible; the idea of SATS is to reflect how good the teaching is. Obviously some children will never get there, but you would be expecting assessments etc to take place for them. If they are saying their teaching will not get your child to expected, listen to them. And move.

My 7 year old boy sounds similar-ish except he also has extreme anxiety when it comes to anything new or unknown.

He didn't speak until 2.5 and his speech was really limited. At home he is a nightmare - bounces round like tigger, constantly bashing into things, interrupts all the time, asks incessant questions and keeps asking until he gets an answer he deems acceptable. Getting him focused on something that doesn't interest him is a nightmare. As for meal times - he has a wobble cushion so at least he can sort of sit down, but mostly he eats standing up and it's one battle I can't be bothered to have.

School books OMG a nightmare - he cannot focus on the words as he just wants to tell the story (completely differently) from looking at the pictures.

We ditched the school reading scheme and went to the library to find books he though were funny. I typed ridiculous sentences on the computer or tablet for him to read, he plays with magnets whilst I read to him in the evening.

We turned phonics cards into games that involved jumping from cushion to cushion around the living room. The floor is lava style game but you sink into the lava if you get the word wrong!

At school he is much calmer due to the anxiety of speaking in front of people or being noticed for being different, so he tends to hold it all in.

We do kick boxing to try and help with the energy levels.

We have a screen token jar, and he gets a 10 minute screen token for doing 10 minutes of another activity.

Absolutely see what SENCO say. We are on the CAHMS waiting list for ADHD/Autism diagnosis but that's going to be 3 years. In the mean time we just use outside the box ways to learn with bribery of screen time as a reward!

Good luck x

If you can afford to I would get her tested for dyslexia yourself (it will take years to get referrals and funding).

Have you considered a tutor ? She may do better with 1-to-1 and potentially increase her confidence/ stamina in class.
Children with ADHD often do better if they've got someone working with them 1-to-1.

YABU to expect school to do anything. You might hope they would, but you will be very disappointed for the rest of her school career. You and your DH need to take steps to mitigate the negative feedback she will get from being at school and try to encourage her as best as you can at home.

They won't do anything unless you kick up such a fuss that it's easier for them to do something than ignore you. And you will need to do it constantly.

Try to make sure she has some out of school activities to boost her confidence.

Unfortunately a private tutor or assessment are out of our budget at the moment, I'm sure a lot of people are in the same situation financially but she also needs an operation that she can't get on the NHS so that's taking priority right now to save up for.

The wobble cushion sounds great! She also stands up for meals and we've given up trying to get her to remain seated until she's finished. When we do manage to get her to sit down she's kicking her legs constantly.

If you don't get the support you need from the Senco (and waiting months to see a teacher is outrageous) ask to speak to the head and threaten a formal complaint to the chair or governors / ofsted. Also if they eventually request external reports sometimes they are given back to the school really late, but you earlier, so get them across ASAP.

Great advice offered so far, I second looking into another school if this one isn’t doing much. She does sound like she needs to be assessed and certainly needs more support. I’d go above whoever you have spoken to so far as they haven’t handled it. Kids do all develop at different rates but surely it’s not good she’s already behind for her Year 2 SATS, they should be helping her more. My child is Year 6 and the pressure to achieve on their Year 6 SATS is constant. They keep banging on about the kids meeting their targets and making some of the kids truly terrified of failure - you don’t want that for your child, so definitely keep pestering them now to help her. What are THEY doing for her to catch up? You’d like to see their plan for your daughter, they must have one if she’s behind. In year 6 the kids have sat mock exams and been divided into different groups based on their results in order to provide extra support where necessary. This kind of thing should be happening and they should communicate it with you.

If you can look at another school - we moved for work but it did make a huge difference.

With DD1 - actually on waiting list for ADHD for last year and likely to age out - we actually had class teacher advocating she be put in particular support group and SENCO blocking.

If you have 10 minutes a day - www.soundfoundations.co.uk/product-category/dancing-bears/ we had to start with A1 with DS a summer born boy - did A with DD1 but she was Y2 when we started and I really wish wed started earlier as we did with our younger two.

Teach your monster how to read -fun thing ours wanted to play and good for additional practise.

Maths - mathsfactor

I suspected something -strong family history of dyslexia and other things - but was always fobbed off - even second school - and could never afford the private assessment fees.

We three children needing help - also had to tackle spelling - it got quite the operation and frankly I did start to resent it a bit - however it has paid off the eldest is doing A-levels and second is looking to do well in GCSEs.

Also have you tried food diary - DD1 reacted to some food additivities that sent her wappy - she was lucky though s she spent fair bit tie outside exercising/walking as we don't drive and second child boy was very boisterous so daily parks and walks were her life - which possible helped her cope a bit better in school time.

We have teach my monster to read and reading eggs (my younger daughter is admittedly more interested in both games 🙈) but they're great apps, I'll have a look at the other two as well thank you. I'll look at starting a food diary as well I hadn't thought about that.

I'd also consider moving schools.

My daughter has ADHD, she was diagnosed pretty swiftly at 6 as she was quite a textbook case. The day she started school, it was flagged up to me. She never had any speech issues though, she was actually a quick talker and could chat away when she was 2.

She couldn't read for the first couple of years of primary school as she just could not take anything in, she couldn't sit still and she learned next to nothing.

She's now 18 and going to universrnedity and is doing brilliantly! Just to put a positive spin on things for you. She's very artistic, she has a great group of friends and she is achieving. ☺

I would argue this is a medical issue not as much a school issue. I have 3 children with adhd and 2 are dyslexic. Only medication allowed them to moved forward with their education.
It's an old scenario that you get caught between nhs and education system as they operate completely separately.
You need to go back to the gp and demand a referral for adhd, though you may be looking at a 2 to 3 year wait.
We eneed up paying privately for an assessment for our youngest child adhd.
In meantime try equazen fish oil supplements- I used them with my dc. The incredible years course is quite good for dealing with behaviour, you can pick book up cheap or they have audio book on audible.
For literacy try word hornet book. It goes back to basics and you just work through the book - loads info on their website and you can buy book from few different places. Nessy and reading eggs have good feedback too for online programmes.

Also look at active learning techniques. I have whiteboard sheets that stick to the wall with static - dc live doing spellings on the wall or floor. When weather is nice chalk outside spellings. Sand to draw spellings. Reading while on an exercise bike - toally weird but seems to work.
Times tables try putting them to tunes and reciting while jumping on trampoline.
Fidget cushions in school are something cheap you can supply. Same with electric band that goes round chair legs

When you speak to the Sendco ask for an educational psychologist assessment and referral to the neurodevelopment pathway. That should get the ball rolling, after that you can apply for an EHCP. School should help with this but you can apply yourself, it's best to have as many professionals opinions before you apply. Either way though school can put things in place to help her straight away.

The trouble is that the GP did agree to do the referral but I got a phonecall from the surgery to say the rules had changed and even when I rang again I was told that it really was a GP job it was down to the school so I don't even think I'd get another appointment for this now. I'm ashamed to admit that I got a little bit tearful on the phone to the doctors secretary because I'm so frustrated with nobody listening now....I'm hoping I hold myself together better at the SENCO appointment.

My dd2 was very similar to your dd, she was diagnosed with dyslexia in year 1, very physically capable etc. failed year 2 sats and year 6 sats BUT around year 8/9 things began to really click, and to cut a long story short she got good GCSEs, very good a levels,2:1 at a very good university on a very demanding course and has a very technical job which is too outing to discuss. She still is like the Duracell bunny, loads of energy but she learned concentration skills by her teens.

Please don't despair!

Reading eggs - is possibly not best app for a struggling child.

(Spelfabet Reading Eggs – Fast Phonics ;Spelfabet: Is Reading Eggs all it’s cracked up to be? (boom tish) )

Nessy may be a better bet even is she proves not to be dyslexic.

However it's been a while since I needed to access support for mine and when I was the primary board was really useful and full or primary school teachers and parents with similar issues. SEN board may have more advice as well.

It is really frustrating though as a parent - to know your child is struggling and to be fobbed off or shrugged at. Though even worse are the interventions that take them out of lessons and seem pointless and do little. So yes keep on at the SENCO and keep trying to get more support from the school - but IME you may not get what is needed.

I did notice when we moved it was from an area where the majority of parents would eventually step in with additional help - to an area where bulk of parents wouldn't or couldn't the second school was much better with targeted evidence based support.

Times tables try putting them to tunes and reciting while jumping on trampoline

Percy Parker songs on CD are good for jumping around to and singing along to.

If handwriting is an issue - because all the basics seemed to be for at least one child Write from the start and she is not far of being old enough for Speed Up!: a Kinaesthetic Programme to Develop Fluent Handwriting which was full of actual exercises and physical things to do though you rapidly hit issue of having time to get these things done.

I would echo "switch schools". After years of being told we were wrong we deregistered at the end of year 3 and homeschooled for a year. She started a new school in September with a much more capable SENCO. They called me within a week asking for a meeting where they told me they thought she was autistic and should also be tested for adhd. Two things I had been chasing the doctors and her old school for since she was 6. Without a diagnosis they have already made adjustments for her in the classroom and she is happy at school for the first time in her life. The difference between her new and old school is staggering. So my advice would be make appointments to look at other local schools and make sure you have a chat with the SENCO before accepting a place. We looked at two different schools for my daughter. At the first they seemed to deal with classroom issues by removing the child and taking them to a sensory room (no actual help for the child). The school she ended up going to engaged with us at the first meeting and asked my daughter what issues she had at her old school so they could find solutions for her. For example she told them she hated how noisy the lunch hall was, so they offered her a choice of ear defenders, or a quiet room she and a few friends could sit in. It was all backed up with "but if it doesn't work for you, come and find me and we will talk about how we can make it better for you".

Something do deal with the energy levels is so key, and overall kinetic and interactive learning does help a lot.

especially with waitlists what they are, there's a lot of make and do until then

i am in exactly the same situation so feel for you! DD1 (7) has suspected ADHD and I have been told she is going to fail her Y2 SATs, what you have said sounds like mine. We have bit the bullet and she is having a private ADHD assessment in May (I can let you know how it goes!)… her Y4 sister is autistic and has an EHCP so I just can’t go through the slow process of referrals etc again…burnt out. I’ve managed to get one on the TAs to help with homework a couple of days a week as it’s on her way home for a small payment (tutor too expensive). It helps as the 2 together are unmanageable 🙈….the school have expressed their concerns about her inability to focus etc so she gets further behind each year but are not bothered and say not to worry about the Y2 SATS…I can’t help it, I am worried…you are not alone!