If another child is rude to your child

[Passivhaus]

A child who is friends with our child shouted at him earlier today, right in his face saying he hates that game as he didn't want to do something DS wanted to do. DS was really upset, other child's parent didn't notice and I took DS off to calm down. Would you have said something either to other child or parent? I basically did nothing as I didn't want to cause a scene but I felt so bad for DS who didn't deserve that. Or is it just one of those things?

AIBU you should have said something
AINBU just leave it

I would have told the kid off - parent or no parent.

Knowing myself I'd of said something to the child and if he or she ran off upset and told the parent. I'd simply defend my actions.

You’re going to encounter a lot of instances like this.

A simple, non-threatening ‘it’s not nice to talk to our friends like that’ is what I would have said.

"That's not a nice way to speak to people Billy" and remove your child to see if they're OK and reinforce it wasn't nice of Billy to speak to him like that.

If only it was acceptable to say "fuck off, Billy. Don't be a dick"!

YABU for this non-standard use of MN abbreviations :)
YABU or YANBU

I would have told the other child off there and then. How did the other parent not notice?

How old?

Young, I'd tell them that's unkind and not how we talk to our friends and leave. I'd say by to the parents and say briefly their DS had got upset and yelled at DS so we're going for a walk so the kids can cool down.

Older, I imagine he'd be mortified at his Mom telling his mate off so I'd be more cautious

The correct answer. Anything more is starting to cross a line that isn't yours to cross.

I am the queen of the “Paddington hard stare” and would’ve given the rude child one of those!

I would have addressed it at the time, with a ‘Timothy that’s not very kind, we don’t speak to our friends like that’ someone has to pull the little shit up on his behaviour.

It depends on their age and the circumstances, really, but generally I would explain to my child that everyone sometimes gets frustrated and we can all say things that are hurtful in the heat of the moment. But that, as friends, we try to forgive them because we would want them to forgive us under the same circumstances.

I would have said something at the time to the child

There is a difference in 'your not my friend any more' squabbles which i would leave the children to sort and this

'Please don't talk to name like that, it's not kind and I do not like it' is normally the route I go down.

I wouldn’t have said anything in an annoyed fashion that’s for sure. I might have said ‘let’s be nice guys’ and comforting the crying child. No I wouldn’t have gone and talked to the other parent.

If a kid is really rude/nasty to my child and it's completely unprovoked, I say something to the child.
There's a particular 'friend' of DD who likes to leave her out of things and talk to her like crap so I'm often having to remind her to be nice (whether or not her mum is there).

Probably this- I’m way too British. I then tell my child they did nothing wrong and so and so wasn’t being kind, maybe step away. But I can’t tell other people’s kids off.

It very much depends how old the children are.

A simple, non-threatening ‘it’s not nice to talk to our friends like that’ is what I would have said.

I think this is the right sort of response although if they're very young I'd go with a distraction technique.

I don’t think it’s anything to do with British reserve and everything to do with recognising they’re small children.

The parents I really judge are those that lose their minds when little Jimmy is hurt and start screeching at little kids.

I would have crushed the offending child like a beetle for daring to talk to my golden spawn like that...👿

Meanwhile, back in reality, my child's no saint and just as likely to be the offending bugger so I would have said blithely, depending on age, 'come on, guys, kind words' or (if an older child), 'the thing I've always liked about you, Lucifer/insert other name, is your lovely, gentle manners'. In response to the child not wanting to do what your DC was doing, I would have said 'luckily you're not joined at the hip, so you can either do your own thing or take turns to do each other's'.

But then my DC wouldn't be all that bothered about someone shouting in his face. He would view that as permission to have a shouting context and shout right back louder. He has pretty appalling manners too a fair amount of the time despite my best efforts.

The forum is literally called AIBU.

What other abbreviation should people use, when they’re asking if they’re being unreasonable or not?

I agree, I think it's acceptable to do that.

The votes are "You Are Being Unreasonable" and "You Are Not Being Unreasonable"

so, YABU and YANBU.

Maybe not those exact words but he could have said "shut up, Billy" at volume. Always encourage your children to stand up for themselves.

Was there a lead up to it? That's a bit of an extreme reaction from the other child being asked to play a game!