Anxiety due to mounting pressures at work as mat leave approaches?

[Flounder19]

Hi,

I am not sure what I am after here. Maybe a rant, maybe advice, maybe empathy/similar stories?

I am due to go on mat leave mid-April and the pressures to complete projects are mounting. It suddenly seems to have dawned on my manager that I will be off in a few weeks and is being very stressy with me, telling me that this and that needs to be completed by x amount of time before I head off. On top of this, I need to train others and set goals for the coming weeks as part of my review process and I’m really struggling with the idea of possibly not being able to complete them and failing the team.

All this pressure has suddenly taken my attention away from my wellbeing and pregnancy. Up until last week I was enjoying being pregnant, focusing on baby prep and relaxing on time off. Now I am lying awake at night thinking about work with palpitations during the day and a lack of appetite for food or much else. It seems I can’t think about anything else but work.

All of this has made me consider the last resort which I’d dread: requesting a sick note from my GP for a couple of weeks.

AIBU?

Op trust me

day 1 of your maternity leave and all this will seem like a dark distant memory.

Just ride out the next few weeks and then bid your farewell

Tan to your manager
explain stress not good for baby or you
and, with that in mind, there needs to be a change in expectation

You're taking this way too seriously, and your boss is an arse. It's just a job. You're just one person and anything that can't get done is your boss's responsibility to deal with. I certainly wouldn't be losing sleep about any of this.

Are you in the uk? If you sick note and illness is related to pregnancy I think they can trigger your Mat leave early once you pass a certain number of weeks x

however I would talk to your boss/his senior/HR - you are protected under equality laws and if you feel like you are being treated unfairly at the minute this is the correct way to approach things

Thank you for your support. I need such encouragement to ride the wave a while longer :) just need to remind myself!!

Thank you so much for your reply. It is an eye opener x

On Monday (if at work), I'd spend an hour or two plotting out all the projects underway, then work out how much time needs spending on each.

Also plot in training your mat leave hire.

Once you have it all laid out, detail how many hours you will be working and how well it all fits. Presumably it will all add up to more time than you have left.

Send it to your boss and ask which projects he/she wants you to prioritise.

Yes, I am, however I wouldn’t think my wellbeing is suffering because I’m pregnant. I’m affected by the pressures mounting by the team/manager because I am due to go on mat leave, if that makes sense. Pregnant or not, such pressure would cause me stress either way and therefore should not trigger early mat leave.

Great idea! Thank you!

I had this at work and my ability to manage stress and pressure when I was pregnant was lower than before: I ended up taking a day off work after seeing the midwife in floods of tears and she suggested to spend that day working out what I needed from work to reduce the pressure and what was manageable. It meant that when I met with my manager I could say I’d discussed with my midwife that stress was impacting on my well being during pregnancy and told her what I needed; it gave her a bit of a kick start to remember my well-being in it all and we had a clear plan that she couldn’t really say no to

But you are being put under stress/pressure unfairly due to your pregnancy. They are stressing you out BECAUSE you are pregnant (and therefore due to go on Mat leave). If you weren’t pregnant none of this pressure would be on you right now.

therefore I would be looking to lodge a complaint about unfair pressure relating to your status at the minute as a pregnant woman xx

Avoid going sick, the other poster is correct, you’ll trigger your maternity leave. Suggest you ignore your manager, speak to their superior if necessary.

Well not if it’s for anything unrelated to the pregnancy!

I have my midwife appointment coming up and will definitely bring it up. Thank you xx

I understand where you’re coming from but TBH if they’d approach me this way (for whatever reason, say because I’m going on honeymoon for 4 weeks for instance) and if I weren’t pregnant, I’d still feel the way I’m feeling right now. Pregnant or not, this is stressful and has nothing to do with my pregnancy by way of illness. For this reason this shouldn’t trigger mat leave. But agreed, definitely unfair pressure due to my current status xx

Firstly congratulations!!

Has your work done a pregnancy health and safety check?

i had similar issues in the lead up to my Mat leave. In the end I just mapped out realistically what I could and couldn’t complete pre Mat leave, communicated that to my manager and that was that. The tasks I couldn’t realistically pick up before Mat leave got reallocated earlier.

I was quite firm - ie I am doing my job but I am not going to allow me or my baby to be put under unnecessary stress. In an ideal world you shouldn’t be working extra hours when pregnant which should be picked up in their h&s review so I think the key is communicating what is realistic and work can’t and shouldn’t argue with this.

As someone else says if you’re like me you’ll forget all about it on day one of mat leave

It’s irrelevant if you’d feel the same way if you were going on honeymoon and you need to stop looking at this from a “going off sick perspective”

my point is this is happening now BECAUSE you are pregnant. And it SHOULD NOT be happening. Its not like they just found out that you’ll soon be having 9 months off because you are popping a baby out your foof.

PP’s have suggested health and safety at work reviews. You should have had a few now. This is something that can flag up
these pressures. If they haven’t been done they are not really acting in your best interest.

Others have mentioned mapping out what you can and can’t do between now and may leave. Excellent suggestion and you can put this in your h&s review.

it’s understandable that you’d need to maybe train up a replacement but it’s not reasonable to expect you to do this on top of your usual duties. You are being out under unnecessary pressure and it needs to stop.

don’t go off sick. Escalate this through the correct channels at work and also ask your midwife to help with a letter for work if needs be to say you are fit to work but need to have your stress levels reduced

Thank you! Yes, I had a risk assessment but in the first trimester and things were still relatively calm. Yep, I'll set out a plan of what can/cannot be achieved.

You're right - and I'd hate to go off sick for this. My work should/need to be understanding. I will set out a plan and be firm. Thank you!

He needs to back off pronto! There's nothing stopping you throwing a sick note in for the last few weeks and leaving him in the shit, is there?

I had similar, from a manager who’d taken their eye off the ball rather than anything purposeful. I wrote a (short, realistic) list of things I would complete before I left, and a list of things that I would do some work on if I could. I showed that to my manager and said I would be saying no to anything not on the list. He quietly approved it!

Haha, no there isn't but I'd hate to be driven to do that because it shouldn't be that way and it would mean that I'd have reached the end of my tether and fear for my wellbeing if I'm ever at that stage.

Yep rather than take time off due to this you need to think calmly what can happen. I’d even put in some handover meetings with the team/boss before Mat leave then when he puts on pressure again I’d say ‘I’m working towards having the projects at that state but we have handover meetings in and anything ongoing or outstanding will be outlined.” If he is still going on I’d tell him not to worry/panic! He may not realise he’s putting extra pressure on.
I found it hard to concentrate at the end of my pregnancies so wrote a to do list each morning of things to get done or if they didn’t roll onto tomorrows list. It helps focus the mind.
I wouldn’t go on sick because it doesn’t solve anything, you’d come back to more pressure and I’m not sure if you kept going sick they could justify starting your May leave early. Best to calmly consider how to approach your remaining weeks at work.

Maternity leave can't be triggered early unless you are off for a pregnancy related reason in the last 4 weeks of pregnancy so being off just now would not affect your maternity start date.

When you plan out what needs to be done, it may be worth also factoring in the possibility that the baby turns up early. It may be sense to prioritise sooner anything which is essential (eg writing down handover information that only you know). Then come back to the projects which if necessary can be completed without you.

(Someone had to visit me in the maternity ward to collect my filing cabinet key. Fortunately everything was ready to picked up by others 3 weeks earlier than expected.)