To ask if these people annoy you?

[lornmower]

Since being around 13 right up to I've noticed that there are some people who seem to love it when you lack confidence, have low self esteem are fat/miserable etc (add your own variation).
When you e.g lose weight (or put it on if you've previously felt too thin), gain confidence/ independence are happy, they try and pull you down. E.g if you've lost weight and gone from fat to normal - you're 'anorexic' or 'not eating anything' - they're on your back.

Alternatively, if you've just had a painful break up they're happy to 'help' but if you're excited about a new relationship you get in a rather clipped tone - "oh well I hope no-one gets hurt"

They seem in a word to be all over you if you're 'down' but obviously don't like it if you're genuinely confident and happy.

I saw a meme on the Book of Farce saying "watch out for those who don't clap when you win." I think this is so true - people like this are so toxic. They always also lack confidence - even if their demeanour is not the conventionally 'timid' type and clearly suffer feelings of inferiority- they're not 'happy' people. Well this is my experience anyway. Can anyone relate ?

Sorry for the typo meant to say in first paragraph that I've seen this phenomenon from the age of about 13 right up to the present day.

I call these people 'ambulance chasers'

Thing is - you're then seen as the 'churlish' one if you show any signs of disliking them 'coz they're so 'nice'/eager to help !!

Yes, I had a friend who was there for me when I lost my baby and following a miscarriage. I thought she was really kind and supportive and was so glad to have such a friend. Then once I got pregnant again and things started to go well she backed off and was always busy and reluctant to arrange to meet up. It was heartbreaking and really bizarre.

You just perfectly described my mother. In particular, how she behaved towards me.

I am NC and it’s bliss.

That's the thing - I can see my former 'friend' doing exactly that!

I can imagine. My mum was toxic

Some people seem to really enjoy drama/heartbreak. It happened to me too. Crazy, isn't it?

*@readingismycardio
*
It is really strange and says a lot about these people but I also find that these people seem to have low quality friendships - after I've had the sense to distance myself

I had the exact same thing happen to me!

An obvious explanation might be that she’s TTC and having issues so has loads of sympathy when you are also having issues but finds it hard to be around others who are expecting. Some people do enjoy drama and can be pessimistic but this seems a rather odd example unless like that about everything

I have noticed one or two people like this

not many, luckily, and also they are quite easy to spot

I've noticed a few people like this, I give them the wide birth.
Don't have time for people that feed off others sorrow.

My mother 😔

@rothbury same with my mother
Fucking narcissist
(What's the meaning in your username?) 😊

These people also seem to choose people who lack confidence as friends but then when their 'target' gains gains confidence, sees sense and wants to phase the relationship out, these people then receive a very hard social lesson

I had a friend for many years who was like this. It took me a very long time to see the pattern though.
She was never happy for anything good that happened to me but always there to ' help' if things went wrong. It was such a long time before I realised she was only happy if I was miserable or in pain.

I think I've been accidentally like this in the past probably due to my awfully low self-esteem and bad self-confidence. I've been actively trying to be a better person over the last decade so I don't do this anymore.

@TomAllenWife so sorry you had similar mother to me. It took me so long to realise she was so happy when things went wrong for me, and quite angry if things were going well.

My username? It’s a lovely little place in Northumberland. 😍

People who are there when you need them are just that. No need to get dismissive of them if they don't clap when you win. You don't need them if you win do you?

In a way i am starting to think it's like this on here, not exactly the same but how many posters on here seem to revel in other people's dramas and turn them into their own soap opera?

I was once friends with a bloke in my 20s who had had virtually no romantic experience with women was still a virgin in late 20s. Nothing wrong with that objectively but he clearly had feelings of inferiority about it and felt unattractive to women. When i said once in a convo that around 3 guys in my 6th form college had asked me out - he got a bit worked up and said almost angrily' - "why is no one asking you out now then?" - for context I was then 20s

Well I personally did cheer my friend on in her successes. I would for all my friends. I wouldn't be horrible to them and tell them how it wouldn't last etc!

Posed too soon

For context I'd then gone back to uni as a mature student. Although the concept of 'incel' wasn't a thing then - some of what he said displayed some similarities

eighteenthirteen1 I've been like this too in the past when I was feeling low. Just goes to show, when you're happy, you are nice to other people. I remember a friend would always comment on how skinny I was (I was a normal size) and my cousin asked how many lengths I'd done in the pool. I told her about 25. She replied "is that all?" She was always trying to belittle me

That's great you've got good insight - I try to correct myself when I find myself in destructive thought patterns

They are trying to cure their own insecurities. My SIL is exactly like this. Whatever success you achieve, she will make you feel this shows with fingers little. Luckily my husband got into his right mind and went LC with her. I think at the end of day it matters that you know your success and have very few people around you who cheer you, none of us needs big audience.