To ask if these people annoy you?

[lornmower]

Since being around 13 right up to I've noticed that there are some people who seem to love it when you lack confidence, have low self esteem are fat/miserable etc (add your own variation).
When you e.g lose weight (or put it on if you've previously felt too thin), gain confidence/ independence are happy, they try and pull you down. E.g if you've lost weight and gone from fat to normal - you're 'anorexic' or 'not eating anything' - they're on your back.

Alternatively, if you've just had a painful break up they're happy to 'help' but if you're excited about a new relationship you get in a rather clipped tone - "oh well I hope no-one gets hurt"

They seem in a word to be all over you if you're 'down' but obviously don't like it if you're genuinely confident and happy.

I saw a meme on the Book of Farce saying "watch out for those who don't clap when you win." I think this is so true - people like this are so toxic. They always also lack confidence - even if their demeanour is not the conventionally 'timid' type and clearly suffer feelings of inferiority- they're not 'happy' people. Well this is my experience anyway. Can anyone relate ?

Is it not that people are busy with their own lives but make time to be supportive when you’re finding things difficult and then when you’re no longer they realise you don’t need them as much and they can continue with their own life?

Some, yeah sure. But some are pissed off when you start doing well

This seems a bit of a jump. She was kind and supportive when you needed it which is a good thing surely?
She’s now pulled away but how do you know it’s because you are doing well? Perhaps she is having a hard time over something, or perhaps another friend is relying oh her and taking up a lot of her time. It could be she has decided to concentrate oh herself a bit and thinks you still need support.
Think you are being a bit harsh here.

@IhateJan22 I think what you describe is understandable.

However, I think, but could be wrong, OP is talking about those who are actually happy when your husband has an affair/you lose your job/hate your new haircut.

When you have good news, they are angry/resentful/minimise any achievements.

They actually want you to do badly.

It’s not great, but the opposite is all too common too- those that leave you high and dry when struggling might be more likely to be in touch when you are doing well.

I truly believe as people we have qualities that can shine in the right situations; I really struggle with not offering advice and therefore can feel drained if people offload who don’t want advice. Equally I hate to moan but I find that there are those who really like you to share your gripes.

On the other end of the scale, when people are doing well, I feel I’m oblivious to why but would notice and appreciate a positive outlook. I know some would see that as fickle, but I have a job that involves considering the needs of people far more vulnerable than in my personal life, and close family I want to prioritise, in a nutshell I don’t have the space for anything other than light personal relationships.

I ended a friendship because she used to put me down. Eg I lost weight and it was all about how I had an eating disorder. Or I’d arrive for a night out looking good and she would take the piss out of my outfit or say things in front of men to make me look stupid or unhinged.

Misery loves company.

@whatkatydid2013 no, she's definitely not TTC.

@Fairyliz I see what you are saying but it's not that.

Some people like to belittle your happiness because it gives them a feeling of control. If they can't control what happens to you, they try to control how you feel about it. I had a colleague like that. I was offered a new job within my company and instead of being happy, she raised an eyebrow and said it was more of a sideways step and the pay wasn't great. Then she emailed round and told everyone about it before I had chance to, therefore denying me my 'moment'. Another friend shrugged off my pregnancy announcement saying she could already tell I was pregnant anyway so it wasn't no surprise. It's generally down to how they feel about themselves and is usually a sign your life looks good from the outside.

Yes they are weird and not real friends most likely unhappy in their own life. I have one when I realised how fake she was I went LC. We recently had an amazing holiday for a special occasion - not a dicky bird from her. Three weeks later we had a family bereavement - fell over herself to ring me to find out all the details. It's so insincere, insecure and jealous. Real friends are there for good and bad news.

This phenomenon is so true

Gosh this is so true - the first sentence in particular explains such a lot in terms of people's reactions to me over the years.

Yes, I think I've been there too. When you're down you get along with other people who are down and sometimes you're not good for each other. And then jealousy is a normal human emotion...

No, that's not what it is.
For example, people will question someone about how their life is doing, how's work, friends, social life, etc. until they find the small thing that the person is worried about then they'll talk about that, try to amplify it and really try to bring the person down.

They're happy when you're sad and need support, but can be angry when you're feeling better.

"those that leave you high and dry when struggling might be more likely to be in touch when you are doing well."

yes, because a depressed person is bad company. When I had a job I didn't like, a friend said he'd almost given up on me.

Same here with a SIL. It’s nonstop barbs disguised as ‘telling it like it is’. She is obsessed with money and status and it drives her nuts that we are doing well in life even though my DH is her DH’s younger brother who she thought would never amount to much. She was nice when we were young and much poorer than they were, but she has become a condescending piss-on-your-chips harpie now that we’re financially and materially comfortable. We’ve gone LC and it is slowly getting better.

I invited my friend round to our new house and she walked in, her jaw dropped and she said 'how dare you have a nicer house than me'.

She tried to hide it, but she really meant it, and I saw right through her at that point.

Some people use others as leverage for their own self-esteem, and I feel very sorry for them, as they will never be truly internally happy.

I think that sometimes people like this always want to the "capable and reliable one". I had a colleague at work like this, if something had gone wrong for me she'd be lovely and supportive, really seemed like she wanted to help, would listen etc. If something was going well for me she'd be churlish, wouldn't speak, would blank me. Other colleagues even noticed this and say they also experienced it - very strange! Just avoid once you detect it.

Think there's much truth in this tbh

I have a friend like this! Shes all over people when they have something bad going on in their lives ( especially if its very dramatic) but as soon as things start to go well/back to normal shes not interested! She will have already moved on to the next " victim" .

I worked with a women who was a good friend also, she would start humming a tune when you would be getting screamed at by the boss. It was like she loved it when someone was in trouble and it always seemed to lift her mood. Yet was always the victim if she got pulled in for any mistakes!!

I'm dealing with one at the moment. I've been doing keto and so far have lost a fair bit.
Every lunchtime I sit down and she goes in front of everyone "How's the diet going?" I did lose it last week and said can I eat lunch in peace without questions on keto ffs. A very jealous insecure individual and very much her problems are the only problems in the entire world. Basically just a gobshite.