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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my son smoke weed due to stress

107 replies

Movielover71 · 19/02/2023 00:10

Ds(16) dad has passed away recently and it has been a very hard time for us. I have noticed the smell of weed in the house and we have talked about it, he has told me he is very stressed and I feel bad to sanction him at such a difficult time in our lives. AIBU to let him be and just let him smoke?

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 19/02/2023 00:15

Incredibly bad decision. There can be catastrophic effects on the mental health of teenagers caused by smoking weed particularly when he is already under a huge amount of stress. Are you aware of cannabis induced psychosis?

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 19/02/2023 00:17

I would try to discourage it, weed can cause or worsen mental health problems, you also have no idea how strong or what else could be in with it.

Would you think it's ok if he were regularly getting drunk to cope with his stress and bereavement?

FredInYourHead · 19/02/2023 00:17

This is not a good idea and it's a very slippery slope. Help him to find different ways of coping.

23Elfie · 19/02/2023 00:19

There's plenty of other ways to help with stress. Like exercise, listening/playing music etc, generally keeping busy.
Getting stoned won't help, he'll most likely get hooked on the feeling it gives him then he'll be addicted.
Having previously worked on a mental health ward (HCA) for a short time it was a real eye opener just how many young people were in there with cannabis related psychosis.
Maybe he could see a bereavement councillor or the doctor for help?

OnSecondThoughts · 19/02/2023 00:19

Well, I wouldn't go totally ballistic on him, but on the other hand I don't think that weed is quite as harmless as it's made out to be - at least, not for everyone. With some people, repeated use can give rise to different degrees of depression/paranoia/psychosis. So I wouldn't encourage him to use it regularly.

UnusualOffer · 19/02/2023 00:22

Heavy weed use causes anxiety and then because the user feels anxious, they smoke more to relax.
Info gained from a specialist when I was helping a young person recover from weed induced psychosis.

awakeandanxiouss · 19/02/2023 00:22

Bad, bad, bad idea!! I work in mental health and soo many of our patients have drug induced psychosis and it’s nearly always cannabis! Some will say it’s harmless but I promise you, from experience, it very much is not. Don’t let him go down the wrong path

CountZacular · 19/02/2023 00:23

I’m on the fence about weed usage, but I don’t think it’s any good for teens and they’re developing brains. I also don’t think using any type of drugs (alcohol and smoking included) does anything to combat stress and just creates an additional stressor once a coping mechanism becomes an addiction.

I’m sorry for your DS and that’s really hard. Is he getting any other support such as counselling really now? Maybe take a look at Cruse for some addition advice on how to support him.

Spongeboob · 19/02/2023 00:24

It really, really will not help him. Don’t encourage.

Shugga · 19/02/2023 00:25

Get him some CBD oil instead.

MrsMikeDrop · 19/02/2023 00:27

Weed can have very bad long term effects as I've witnessed with 3 people I know, it's particularly bad if you already have a mental illness

VirtualRealitee · 19/02/2023 00:27

I have no problem with weed smokers apart from the fact it stinks like foxes piss.

He is being very disrespectful to smoke it in your house and I wouldn't allow that or tobacco smoking in mine for any reason.

Bellalalala · 19/02/2023 00:27

It’s a terrible idea. You need to support him to stop asap. Him smoking it in his teens, especially whilst struggling could cause huge mental health issues.

and it’s not just a bit or occasionally. He wouldn’t be smoking it at home, if he doesn’t need it and just enjoys it. He is using it as a crutch already

QueenCamilla · 19/02/2023 00:28

I can't see how brain damage will help to minimise the stress in your household though.

iminvestednow · 19/02/2023 00:28

Letting him do that is not going to help in the long term. Don’t be cross with him as he’s obviously going through a very difficult period but relying on weed is not going be beneficial. I know it sounds odd but right now he need guidance and boundaries more than ever to help him navigate an uncertain time. Be firm and put in routine, he may not think he needs it but he will thank you.

Thedogscollar · 19/02/2023 00:30

Eyerollcentral · 19/02/2023 00:15

Incredibly bad decision. There can be catastrophic effects on the mental health of teenagers caused by smoking weed particularly when he is already under a huge amount of stress. Are you aware of cannabis induced psychosis?

Absolutely this. Please don't condone this. It won't help him at all. Talking is free and doesn't have the side effects of cannabis.

HRTQueen · 19/02/2023 00:33

It’s a vicious circle that is easy to fall into

smoke to feel relaxed using often makes you anxious or more anxious then smoke to make you feel relaxed again

and the impact of the developing brain it’s just not worth the risk. I see it day in day out working in mh with young people it’s heartbreaking

what he is smoking will likely have high levels of THC

could try getting him some products that have the THC removed can help you feel relaxed but not high

NeverDropYourMooncup · 19/02/2023 00:35

Numbing or sedating himself away from unpleasant feelings makes it harder, not easier. Hard though it is, he needs to feel all the crappy emotions, otherwise he'll end up not feeling the happy ones either (because he's blocked them with a false and poor imitation of happy) - and every time he wakes up, he's left with the crappy ones and a hangover/comedown to go with them. Oh, and he'll be skint.

It's shit. Absolutely shit. But it's what we all need to go through.

You don't need to go ballistic at him - but he needs to know from you that it won't make it less hard, it'll add to his unhappiness.

JimmyGrimble · 19/02/2023 00:36

My son has recently been sectioned with psychosis for the second time. He was a moderate weed user in his teens and this continued in his twenties when he started adding other drugs too. He’s now looking at a likely diagnosis of schizophrenia. We have had a hugely traumatic few years and we are terribly concerned about his future. He was a high achiever and at university when he began to get very unwell. I would advise you, OP to seek out other therapies for your son and try to get him off the weed as quickly as you can. It’s just not worth the risk. Good luck.

LadyJ2023 · 19/02/2023 00:39

In sorry about your loss bit your still a parent and should be stepping up right not before it gets out of hand

QueenCamilla · 19/02/2023 00:40

You could also be helping in forming associations. Stress =weed.

Like my grown-man asshole of an ex, who seemed to absolutely relish the word "stress" as an excuse to get obliterated on weed and alcohol. He'd be "stressed" bird-watching and after a day on the sofa. The stress becomes a necessity to facilitate drug use.

TeenLifeMum · 19/02/2023 00:40

As others have said, cannabis is clearly linked to psychosis and mh issues so no I would advise against especially when his mh is already making him vulnerable.

Superunknown1 · 19/02/2023 00:42

I agree with previous posters, I’m so sorry you and your son are going through this. My friend is a mental health nurse working on an inpatient ward and psychosis triggered by cannabis usage is horribly common. I wouldn’t have a go at him over it as you’re all going through enough but would encourage him to find other coping mechanisms that don’t come with that risk.

DifferenceEngines · 19/02/2023 00:44

Terrible idea. I realise it's an awful time for him, but there are far better ways for him to cope.

MoreSleepPleasee · 19/02/2023 00:44

Absolutely not. His dad dies then his mum watches him become a druggie. God no.