To let my son smoke weed due to stress

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Ds(16) dad has passed away recently and it has been a very hard time for us. I have noticed the smell of weed in the house and we have talked about it, he has told me he is very stressed and I feel bad to sanction him at such a difficult time in our lives. AIBU to let him be and just let him smoke?

Anxiety suffered here. I can't touch cannabis any more, having been a heavy smoker in my youth: it triggers panic attacks. It might be providing your son with an outlet now but in your position I would be talking to him about finding other ways to switch off temporarily. When my dad died I binged an awful lot of Curb Your Enthusiasm, weirdly! I'm not suggesting the same but weed is not the only option.

Absolutely not. Weed has a catastrophic affect on the teen brain, which isn’t yet developed and causes chemical changes, leading to psychosis and mh conditions. I absolutely understand what it is to lose a father as a teen as it happened to me too. I needed mental health support and got none so turned to drink.

Want better for your child. There is so much mh support out there these days if you push for access. And you’d be much better off using the money for weed to pay for therapy.

Please don't do this OP, cannabis is not benign. It's ruined my DBs life.

At university, the pot smokers were the ones with messier and messier flats, they fell behind in their work, it one case it really altered their behaviour but mostly most got lazier and fat. One developed mouth cancer which I expect was from his pot use as the roll ups have no filter. They had to reconstruct his jaw and the skin graft came from a hairy part of his body so the hairs had to be lasered off the inside of his new mouth cavity. That experience was a great deterrent to his children.

Sorry what you two are going through but I don’t think it’s going to make things easier.

No way would I do this and I'm quite a relaxed person.

CBD oil maybe.

Stress copers I would encourage exercise, Yoga, meditation, fresh air. Healthy habits.

These are formative years and you're teaching to cope with stress and upset they need drugs. That's a very scary message for the future.

Of course YABU. Take him to the doctor for proper treatment.

I spent 6 months working in a secure mental health unit for drug induced schizophrenia. All of the patients were men aged between 19-24 and the trigger was cannabis. Anecdotally a couple of people in my teenage friendship group never stopped smoking weed and some have pretty severe mental health problems now. Not saying it will happen to your son but the risk is there (I say this having had some ‘pretty wild’ patches myself - and never used weed again after working in that unit).

My brother started smoking weed as a teenager, in his 40's he's now homeless and can't live a normal life, weed has made him paranoid and although I can't say all his problems are down to that it's certainly not helped, I really wouldn't encourage it!

The best friend of my brother who smoked moderately then heavily from age 13/14 and before age 20 was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and constantly in episodes/periods of psychosis. In turn he was sectioned and in and out mental health hospitals, never had much of a live because of it, and lost friends, family, no job, partner etc, he’s now 44.

Many of them as a big group of teenage boys smoked cannabis almost as heavily or just as, they also hit harder drugs experimenting, alcohol. So many ruined their lives. Absolutely addicted to this day on the stuff. Thankfully my brother wasn’t one of those cases. He tried it for a few years then grew out of it and stopped. He never drank alcohol either.

I am so sorry to you and your boy for the loss of your his Dad.

Does he have friends who encourage him in finding a different and healthier way of coping.

Does he have friends who smoke with him? I would worry about any bad influences.

Though, I wonder if you are able to talk to any of them and tell them you are worried about him and his mental health, also explain it’s a myth that this is a completely safe and harmless drug, and see if they can encourage your son to reach out for help within the family, a professional. He may be more likely to listen to his peers.

So many things, grief counselling, support groups for people his age who have been through the same thing? Different therapies and distractions, relaxation technique’s, breathing exercises, pet therapy, music, walking, writing and journaling his thoughts, feelings and memories of his Dad, making a memory box, running, exercise, sport, hobbies, seeing the type of friends that are going to be a good influence on him and support him at this time.

Do you know any other families in realife who have suffered a similar loss around the same age that he can speak to?

And as cliché as it is, you need to let him know that it won’t feel as raw and soul crushing as it feels now forever, that in time it eases, although never completely, and he will reach a point where thinking of him brings him smiles and not so many tears. It’s something as adults we know either through personal experience or seeing it in the lives of our friends. Kids & young adults don’t know and think it’s going to feel like this forever.

My heart goes out to you, and wish you both all the best through this horrendous time. May a million cherished memories bring you both comfort.

Two friends of mine allowed their teenagers to smoke weed, for various reasons.
Both are now in their twenties and have mental health problems- anxiety, depression, manic behaviour. One was perhaps already a bit predisposed to having mental health issues but the other went from a bright, confident and happy girl to a real mess. It’s certainly not the safe drug that people like to make out it is.

No don't. My bil smoked weed and developed a mental Illness, caused by it. Similar happened to a family friend. I'd keep him busy, ask him for help with stuff.

That's not quite how cancard works. You're not automatically entitled to a prescription. You still have to apply to private clinics (which you have to pay for) and pay to get a prescription. Also, having seen the state of the "medical" cannabis, there's so much mould that a lot of times it's unhealthy.

It causes massive problems that society seems to largely not talk about. It IS a gateway drug too.

Try CBD oil maybe?

Absolutely no OP. Straight to the GP for other treatment as required. Letting him smoke weed could destroy both your lives very quickly in a whole other way.

Dreadful idea...

He would be better off seeking support if he is struggling and needs to speak to his GP to access counselling.

You also have charities that offer support for people who have been bereaved.

Smoking weed is just hiding his emotion, it will get him hooked and might even means he progresses to other drugs and it is a silly way to spend his money...

Don't encourage this. This is not a healthy thing to do.

As someone who smoked weed from the age of 14-21, although it probably will make him feel better temporarily, I don't think it's a good idea in the long term as he will most likely start using it as a crutch. It's up to you whether you think it's best to cross that bridge when you come to it, or try and nip it in the bud now and support him to find other ways to grieve. Sorry for your loss

Your son having to go through losing his Father so young is horrible and I am sorry that this has happened to him. Weed is not the answer.

This video from a Dr who scans thousands of people's brains for a living explains why smoking or drinking is absolutely terrible for a developing brain. If you are on Instagram his channel has other videos on how to boost feeling good naturally without medication, he believes there is a time and place for meds but will encourage his patients to try the other things first. Self medicating away the sadness is never a good path to choose at any stage in life. Learning to cope with those feelings is better for the now and the future.

So sorry you’re going through this.
I agree with the many others that it is not a good idea. My dbro smoked a lot starting as a teen and developed schizophrenia which he never recovered from and died in a psychiatric ward. Being schizophrenic was not fun for him or anyone.
throw everything you have at him not going down the road of smoking weed because it’s a very long one. Even if he doesn’t become psychotic it’s hugely addictive and soporific.

The danger of smoking full stop, would have me discouraging this. He would be better getting into fitness as exercise would make him feel tonnes better.

It’s completely understandable why he is smoking weed and i expect it does relieve some stress.

My ds started with weed to cope with ptsd at 15. He then tried every drug after that and went through hell. Thankfully, after a quite long time, he got help after a particularly dire experience in hospital. Weed really does damage young brains.

Try to find other ways to help him grieve and manage his pain. It must be so hard for you.

@JimmyGrimble im so sorry for you I just want to send you a had squeeze. I have bee. Through it with a sibling.

I’m so sorry did your loss OP, and it’s understandable your DC is looking for ways to cope but this shouldn’t be it, I hope some of these posts are giving you pause for thought.

Weed can be catastrophic on the developing brain - typically our brains don’t stop developing until our mid 20’s is it? It’s effect can be particularly devastating in young men/boys. I think it’s something to do with the neurol pathways still being open??

YABU, that is terrible parenting, as well as an awful example to any other kids.

I’m yet to meet a stoner who holds down a really successful job or has their sh*t together. It contributes hugely to bad mental health and depression.

You’re a parent, not your son’s mate. Try acting like one.

Such a heartbreaking situation you're both in and I'm sending you love.

Death is a hideous thing to experience so young and whilst it's a perfectly normal part of life, nothing prepares us for it in reality.

I'd like to tell you my story with drugs, I hope it helps you some way.

I was addicted to weed for a long time, I'd hear voices and all sorts of madness.
I started drugs pretty young, not just weed, pills, coke speed etc, but weed bored me when I was a teenager, thank god. (I grew up in poverty in an abusive home filled with addiction, drugs were almost destiny)
However weed still almost ruined my life, I became a proper stoner in my mid 20s after a horrific car accident and I became hooked on morphine, it was a well meaning friend who bought me a ton of weed and a bong to get me off morphine. 3 years I was off my face until I fell pregnant and that made me stop.

I see now how badly weed affected me, I thought I was relaxed and happy, I was wildly paranoid and hearing upto 12 different voices. I would spend over 150 a week on weed, hiding in the garage for hours at a time.

I imagine if I'd have been a heavy user in my teens I'd have developed full blown psychosis, I am grateful I was older when I became addicted. And it is so so addictive. Your sons brain isn't developed until he's 25, please help him to not smoke weed. Get him help, counselling for bereavement etc, but weed is a scary drug and whilst I'm being brutally honest, in my darkest days using weed, it very easily could have been a gateway drug, if my dealer had offered something like heroin, I'd have almost definitely said yes because I was in such a spiral of chasing a high. It is easy done. I'm not trying to scare you, just let you know from personal experience (I'm expecting to be jumped on after admitting I was a drug user, I hope people can show me kindness, I already beat myself up over it) but please, don't let your son gamble his MH away.

You have an opportunity to help him develop coping strategies and techniques now that will help with bereavement without getting fucked up with drugs.
Please get him as much information, support etc as he needs. Catch it early, get him a dog to walk, or a gym pass, get him something that will help him with stress, not bring more to the table.
If this was my son I'd probably try to avoid vapes etc but if he feels he needs something (often it's just to feel grown up) get him some cbd oil to vape, no nicotine maybe but that would be a last last last resort.

And I am so so so sorry for your loss OP, I really am 💐💐💐

Don’t, just don’t let him justify it, it really will be best to encourage him to stop sooner rather than later. In 15-20 years time it will still be an issue, even if not still smoking it by then,
long term it will likely be far far worse for his mental health than the stress and anxiety he has now, smoking weed as teenager is a big factor in men’s mental health later on