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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scared of dp help

41 replies

Allalone2 · 18/02/2023 23:31

Dp has pushed me before and snatched my arm/hands

He has just done it again only this time he has snatched my phone out of my hand viciously and threw it out of the bedroom and onto the landing. This was because I was watching a video in bed as I always do but we have been arguing and he said I've pissed him off.

Dc is asleep and I'm sitting here shaking. We are in dps parents house and I've been here with them before, they always side with him and blame me like he does. He has the car seat so I can't leave.

I don't know if I'm blowing this up since it's happened before and now I'm in fight or flight but I want out of here

OP posts:
Original poster
Allalone2 · 18/02/2023 23:33

Do I go to dp and ask for the baby seat? But this may antagonise him more and escalate things

OP posts:
TheOriginalEmu · 18/02/2023 23:33

If you’re afraid gif your safety can you phone someone to come and get you? Taxi’s will have car seats.

Original poster
Allalone2 · 18/02/2023 23:34

@TheOriginalEmu I really don't have anyone. I'm all alone. Hence the name

OP posts:
LIZS · 18/02/2023 23:34

Do you live with his parents or just staying? You can take a baby in a taxi without car seat if needs be.

Original poster
Allalone2 · 18/02/2023 23:35

@LIZS It's complicated. I guess you could say I've been living here for 3 weeks. I've been here before with them. I've posted on here before about dp pushing me and them gaslighting me about it. I can't believe he never learns..he always thinks its okay to be like this

OP posts:
Original poster
Allalone2 · 18/02/2023 23:37

Suddenly it becomes 3 against 1 here and it makes me really anxious

OP posts:
LIZS · 18/02/2023 23:37

Where did you live previously, can you go back there? Or call .Womens aid about a refuge place,

Original poster
Allalone2 · 18/02/2023 23:38

@LIZS I don't know if it's worth calling woman's aid over. He only grabbed my phone

OP posts:
MyCatIsAnnoyinglyCute · 18/02/2023 23:39

He isn’t going to ‘learn’ and you really need to stop expecting he will change. He is physically hurting you and you need to get out. If you can’t get out now then you need to speak to women’s aid or the police tomorrow. Don’t expect his parents to help they clearly aren’t going to as they are protecting him.

Your priority needs to be protecting your child and yourself.

It’s not your fault but he is making sure you believe it is, he’ll be gaslighting you I imagine.

SNWannabe · 18/02/2023 23:39

Tbh I don’t think it’s worth uprooting a baby in the middle of the night over a thrown phone. But it’s worth considering your options for living elsewhere in a calm and collected manner tomorrow and the next day etc. Make a proper plan… why are you living at his parents? Do either of you work?

RatedAce · 18/02/2023 23:40

Go to sleep and make a plan in the morning x

RatedAce · 18/02/2023 23:42

He and his parents sound awful. I bet they are manipulative and slippery too. You deserve better.

LIZS · 18/02/2023 23:44

You are minimising. It may be a phone today, but that is likely only part of the picture of abuse and control. Is his parents' relationship similar? Is there a culture clash?

Hoardasurass · 18/02/2023 23:44

If you are afraid call 999 he has assaulted you the police can get you and dc out of the house and away to safety

Original poster
Allalone2 · 18/02/2023 23:47

I'm confused, some people are saying I'm minimising and others are saying leaving is extreme over a thrown phone

It's not the just the phone though. He had this fact when he grabbed me like he wanted to hurt me but went for the phone

OP posts:
LittleMG · 18/02/2023 23:49

Try and go to sleep now, but honestly you can’t stay with someone who makes you feel like this and frightens you. You don’t want your child living with that either. If I were you I’d call women’s aid for
some advice. Long term you need a better life. Hope you’re ok, try to stay calm. I’d go in a Lund sleep with my baby, decide tomorrow that you will start to formulate an exit strategy xx

CrunchyCarrot · 18/02/2023 23:51

He only grabbed my phone

That's not what your first post says - you say he pushed you and that he's done it before. You're upset and shaking - you shouldn't be feeling that way because of your partner's bad behaviour. This won't get better, OP, it will escalate. You need to make a plan to leave asap.

Original poster
Allalone2 · 18/02/2023 23:54

@CrunchyCarrot he didn't push me today. That was another time.

OP posts:
MyCatIsAnnoyinglyCute · 18/02/2023 23:58

He shouldn’t push you any time, at all, ever. It is never ok.

I bet he manages to not push other people, friends, work colleagues. What about if he starts pushing your child?

Aldisfinest · 19/02/2023 00:17

Try to get some sleep and you can make a plan in the daylight, just so you don't have to wake up the baby. Throwing a phone over a video that is too loud is absolutely unacceptable behaviour.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 19/02/2023 00:21

This is not ok or normal. If at any point you feel in immediate danger call the police. Contact a refuge or shelter and f

toomuchlaundry · 19/02/2023 00:22

Why have you been there 3 weeks? How far away are they from where you usually live?

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 19/02/2023 00:22

Posted too soon
get a plan in place to leave. He sounds controlling with a family to help. Good luck OP.

AromaSun · 19/02/2023 00:29

It does not matter one bit if you feel like you are blowing it up. You obviously feel scared and trapped as you can't leave cause no car seat.

Do you have any family/friends you can text. Has he been drinking?

I'm here and will be up most of the night so just keep talking x

AromaSun · 19/02/2023 00:32

It doesn't matter one bit if he went for the phone, or you. He's aggressive and making you feel unsafe and threatened. Listen to your gut