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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scared of dp help

41 replies

Allalone2 · 18/02/2023 23:31

Dp has pushed me before and snatched my arm/hands

He has just done it again only this time he has snatched my phone out of my hand viciously and threw it out of the bedroom and onto the landing. This was because I was watching a video in bed as I always do but we have been arguing and he said I've pissed him off.

Dc is asleep and I'm sitting here shaking. We are in dps parents house and I've been here with them before, they always side with him and blame me like he does. He has the car seat so I can't leave.

I don't know if I'm blowing this up since it's happened before and now I'm in fight or flight but I want out of here

OP posts:
RatedAce · 19/02/2023 10:40

Morning OP. You ok?

Original poster
Allalone2 · 19/02/2023 11:10

Woke up shaking. Confused. Don't know if I'm blowing this up. Maybe men just get like this? I know lots of men that have pushed women. My dad, my sisters partners ect.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allalone2 · 19/02/2023 11:12

If I contact woman's aid what will happen? Will they put me in dc in a hostel

OP posts:
LIZS · 19/02/2023 11:13

Possibly. Sounds as if you have pretty low expectations from the pattern you observed in other relationships. You need time to rethink.

MyCatIsAnnoyinglyCute · 19/02/2023 11:17

Maybe men just get like this? I know lots of men that have pushed women. My dad, my sisters partners ect.

No, lots of men don’t get like this. Problem is you see it as normal because it’s always been in your life. It isn’t normal and it’s not part of a loving healthy relationship. You’re normalising it and minimising it.

My DH has never done anything like this, ever. Your baby will grow up also thinking it’s normal if you don’t escape. Don’t let the cycle continue.

GimmeBiscuits · 19/02/2023 11:33

Allalone2 · 19/02/2023 11:10

Woke up shaking. Confused. Don't know if I'm blowing this up. Maybe men just get like this? I know lots of men that have pushed women. My dad, my sisters partners ect.

I don't know any men that do this. Well, there was one when I was in my teens who had a sort of breakdown and attacked his then girlfriend. I never spoke to him again and nor did any of the rest of our friendship group.

I'm sorry that you're in this situation. I can't see it getting better. I think you may have to wait it out a little until you have access to the car seat again and then leave with your children. Are you able to contact Womens Aid in the meantime for advice?
This time it was your phone but next time it may not be. He has assaulted you in the past. What will you do if he starts on the children?

DaveyJonesLocker · 19/02/2023 11:42

They may put you in a hostel if there's space.
Do you work? Do you have an income?

You need to keep your head down and plan to leave. Which will be easier if you have an income. But not impossible without.

DaveyJonesLocker · 19/02/2023 11:44

Lots of men are like this. It doesn't make it OK. It is wrong. It is abuse and you do not need to live with it.
You can leave and once you do you'll be amazed at how much lighter you feel.

Original poster
Allalone2 · 20/02/2023 12:35

@DaveyJonesLocker I don't work. I think I had a breakdown as partner started screaming at me and I went into complete flight mode. I collapsed infront of dc and feel so distraught for them and embarrassed for me

OP posts:
Original poster
Allalone2 · 20/02/2023 12:38

I don't have any family or friends to help. My mental health feels at an all time low (which is why we had an argument in the first place because I was telling dp I can't cope and want to leave) I feel like I have no strength to leave even though I know I need to. I feel so pathetic

OP posts:
Poppyblush · 20/02/2023 12:41

Men should not behave like this. It is not acceptable. Plan to leave. Call women’s aid.

DaveyJonesLocker · 20/02/2023 13:34

You can do online chat with womens aid, try them first, if they don't have a refuge place available ask for help getting a council place.

Look for and start applying for cheap flats to rent privately too. But the council should house you under being involuntarily homeless due to domestic abuse. They have to house you but they may then investigate and decide there's no evidence of domestic abuse. So you need to be looking privately aswell.
You will be covered by universal credit. So don't worry about being able to afford it.

It's going to be hard at first but then life is going to be so much better!

SockQueen · 20/02/2023 13:40

Allalone2 · 18/02/2023 23:47

I'm confused, some people are saying I'm minimising and others are saying leaving is extreme over a thrown phone

It's not the just the phone though. He had this fact when he grabbed me like he wanted to hurt me but went for the phone

I don't think anyone is saying that leaving is extreme at all - just that doing a midnight runner immediately might be. But we're in the next day now. If you don't feel safe you should absolutely be planning to leave.

LIZS · 20/02/2023 14:50

Are you sure leaving would not improve your mh? Have you seen Gp or hv recently, you can ask them for help to leave your abuser.

emptythelitterbox · 20/02/2023 15:13

How old is your child?

Definitely call women's aid and talk to them about your situation.
They can help with resources. They'll listen.

Keep posting as there's nearly always someone on.

Nchangeagain · 28/03/2023 10:04

@Allalone2 how are things? How are you?

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