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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband snoring

38 replies

BetaMom · 18/02/2023 23:25

It started about 5 years ago and has gotten progressively worse.
It’s now so loud I can hear it from other rooms in the house. I wish I could share a recording 😂
I’m finding it hard to sleep - on top of having two young children, a full time job with regular travel, this is the cherry on the cake.
We have no spare room in the house, moving is not an option right now. I sometimes go sleep on the sofa which is cold and uncomfortable. I have tried waking him now and then to ask him to change positions but he can literally fall asleep in 15 seconds and then it starts over again.
I suspect the snoring is at least partly driven by lifestyle (gaining weight and eating poorly).
Would I be unreasonable to give him an ultimatum to lose weight and get back in shape? Any tips from others who’ve been through similar?
I feel like this is ruining my life. I’m typing this as he happily snores away next to me. It’s so loud it’s making me jumpy!

OP posts:
EezyOozy · 18/02/2023 23:28

Create a makeshift place where you can sleep apart. For example a day bed.

Ideally the snorer-that’s-doing-fuck-all-about-it should be sleeping in the secondary/spare bed.

Pantsomime · 18/02/2023 23:34

Several things - move rooms, ear plugs for you in the short term, play the recording to him, get him to visit GP to rule things like sleep apnea out, try and get him on board about how awful it is for you and to change his lifestyle. Get him to buy some of those nose plug things and airway strips to keep his tubes open. Ultimately he has to want to change. You will need to have the baby monitor near you so you’d wake for the children. Can you buy one of those small clicker things that you zap mosquito bites with and zap him when he snores to try and get him to move position/get so fed up at mini electric shocks that he does something about it. I read once that the snorer should wear a bra bag to front with tennis balls in so that they don’t sleep on their backs

Workinghardeveryday · 18/02/2023 23:36

EezyOozy · 18/02/2023 23:28

Create a makeshift place where you can sleep apart. For example a day bed.

Ideally the snorer-that’s-doing-fuck-all-about-it should be sleeping in the secondary/spare bed.

Yep, this.

my dp snores. If he is keeping me awake he will offer and gladly sleep on the sofa.

It is not his fault or yours, it is snoring. Ultimately it is ruining your quality of life.

Depending how much it happens, if it were me and every night, for my own sanity, he would be on the sofa..

BCBird · 18/02/2023 23:36

I am snorer and female. I have always snored. It is worse when I have gained weight. My ex boyfriend onli snored on the odd occasion he had alcohol. It drove me mad🙄but made me realise how he must have felt. Sit down and do some research for possible solutions. If he comes up.with the losing weight idea,he is likely to do something. If not then.get a blow up.matress and ask.him.to.sleep.downstairs. Good luck.

SunshineLoving · 18/02/2023 23:37

I 100% feel for you. The loud snoring that some people do is intolerable. The snorting and the noises.

I've found that people's snoring is worse when they sleep on their back and can be non-existent when they sleep on their side. Can he try sleeping on his side? Would that make a difference?

If not, you need to take some measures like ear plugs, he or you sleep on the sofa or you move house for separate bedrooms. I personally couldn't tolerate it and would have to take some steps to make it better.

DangerPigeon · 18/02/2023 23:39

Definitely a sleepable sofa or sofa bed, with a duvet and pillows for the short term, and longer term the GP for advice and changes to lifestyle.

Does he realise the affect it's having on you?

JennyWren87 · 19/02/2023 00:41

I'm in the same position. The best thing we ever did was put loud rain sounds on. I can still hear the toddlers waking up but having the rain noise cover Hs ungodly snoring helps me sleep 100% better!

Our next move it a change in lifestyle and to lose weight. It's easier doing it together.

Doggydarling · 19/02/2023 01:11

You have my absolute sympathy, my dh started snoring a few years ago, it went from occasionally to every bloody night. I have fibromyalgia which means my sleep is already pretty fucked up, the slightest noise or a wrinkly sheet can be enough to wake me so the snoring was torture. I'd lie there waiting for it to start and then go to the spare room, he hated me not being beside him but understood, eventually we started sleeping in different rooms completely but I could still hear him, he was diagnosed with sleep apnea and now used a cpap machine which is wonderful, he feels 100% better and the machine is almost silent. Get your man to the doctor, in the mean time get a fold up bed that you can stick behind the sofa and use it or even better get him to use it.

Original poster
BetaMom · 19/02/2023 19:29

Thank you for all the responses, some really good advice in there and I was sure I’m not alone 😊.
I did bring it up this morning and the first response I got was “well you were snoring too at 5am today” (I have a cold at the moment)
Not a great start but then I explained that there’s a difference between occasional snoring and being kept up every night. He agreed we need to do something about it but still proceeded to disappear a massive amount of carbs and fat for both lunch and dinner so I’m not holding my breath 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
BetaMom · 19/02/2023 19:38

I should add that one of the things that worries me is that FIL is the worst snorer I’ve ever heard of. When we visit them we hear him from the opposite side of their large house.
MIL does not share a bed with him for this reason and absolutely dreads going on holiday because of this. She always ends up getting completely run down and going hime ill. He doesn’t strike me as a particularly considerate husband and I wonder if he’s ever tried to do anything about this.

The next few days will be an important test: I’m going to be expecting some kind of change in behaviour or some courtesy around offering to take the sofa.

OP posts:
Original poster
BetaMom · 19/02/2023 19:43

@Pantsomime 😂😂 to zapping him with a mosquito clicker. Have you actually tried this?
In the same vein I could also try pinching his nose, or plucking his hair or tickling him with a feather or sprinkling hot chilli on his pillow…

OP posts:
Shunkleisshiny · 19/02/2023 19:47

Anti snoring mouthguards from Amazon

LizziesTwin · 19/02/2023 19:48

He could wear a mouth guard which would keep his jaw forwards & stop him snoring. Apparently it isn’t super comfortable but too bad.

Rodneyisaplonker · 19/02/2023 19:49

so i had this issue, i have foam ear plugs, I can still hear speech, but it’s like he doesn’t snore any more, it’s fantastic. I’d thoroughly recommend,

userxx · 19/02/2023 19:52

I've recently bought a snoozeband and play white noise, next step is earplugs.

deuxgarcons · 19/02/2023 19:54

I have to live through this too so completely empathise. Does anyone have recommendations for good earplugs that actually work?

Pantsomime · 19/02/2023 19:56

@BetaMom yes have used the mosquito clicker- he was furious, but did change position and stopped snoring for a while. He couldn’t really argue about me waking him up

Loveacardigan · 19/02/2023 19:56

These ear plugs are brilliant! Block out husbands snoring and I no longer lay there worrying about it starting!

Husband snoring
xsamix86 · 19/02/2023 19:56

My husband has always been a snorer but the last few years have gotten progressively worse. If I don't fall asleep before him it is awful to try and get to sleep with. He then randomly ordered a pillow from Amazon for reasons other than his snoring but it has made a dramatic improvement. Completely accidental but it was worth every single penny: HOMCA Contour Memory Foam Pillow Orthopedic Cervical Pillows for Sleeping, Ergonomic Neck Pillow for Side Back and Stomach Sleepers, with Washable Cover amzn.eu/d/ev976R4

IloveRickyGervaisAndHisTeeth · 19/02/2023 19:58

I can relate to this entirely. My husband's snoring is so very bad that when we've been on holiday, people in the next hotel room have danged on the walls! He's asleep quicker than 5 minutes after he gets into bed, and snores like a constipated warthog, no matter what position he's in. I've pulled his hair, pinched him, put the light on, nothing works because he gets to sleep straightaway again. He needs to lose weight, doesn't even try to.

He sleeps in the spare room (I can still hear him but it's not right near my face). When anyone stays with us, they have the spare room, and my husband sleeps on an air mattress downstairs!

IloveRickyGervaisAndHisTeeth · 19/02/2023 20:02

LizziesTwin · 19/02/2023 19:48

He could wear a mouth guard which would keep his jaw forwards & stop him snoring. Apparently it isn’t super comfortable but too bad.

I bought one from Amazon, it made no difference to him. The strips to go across the nose didn't work, either.

Hiouo · 19/02/2023 20:02

Agree these earplugs are amazing!! DH snores when he gets over 13 stone so he knows to do something about it when he gets to that stage, he also uses a mouth guard he got from the hospital that pushes his jaw forward slightly! I feel your pain, it’s like torture!!

Anotherusernamethisweek · 19/02/2023 20:04

I pull my DPs pillow hard towards me so his neck twists. He finds it unpleasant, as I do his snoring.

Or sometimes I just stare at him, he often wakes up pretty quickly when I do this but he always asks why I'm staring at him like he doesn't know he's snoring. Which makes me want to punch him in his face. (I'm not a violent person and have never punched anyone)

When I bring it up with him he also tells me I snore, which I probably do sometimes but as he's not resorted to waking me up and asking me to stop I'm assuming it's nowhere near as bad as his storing. I've tried to record it in the past but it never comes out in the recording so if anyone can advise me how I'd be grateful.

Randomactsofspanking · 19/02/2023 20:09

My wife snores, really loudly, and she is always sleeping before me so I always hear it. It’s really really irritating. Sometimes I sleep in a spare room. I would never give her an ultimatum though. I think that’s a bit harsh. She can’t help it, I’m sure if she could, she would.

userxx · 19/02/2023 20:11

Loveacardigan · 19/02/2023 19:56

These ear plugs are brilliant! Block out husbands snoring and I no longer lay there worrying about it starting!

Oh wow! Do they come in different sizes ?