How do I stop being so jealous?

[Belatedeyebrows]

A friend called me out on this the other day.
I absolutely do get jealous. Sometimes it's really petty (like theres more food on someone elses plate than mine) stuff I would never say out loud but have to check myself to grow up.
Sometimes it can be on a bigger scale like career progression. I believe I work super hard and I dislike it if someone does well when I perceive it to be an unfair gain. Again, I never say anything and check myself. There's usually a reason for everything but sometimes I may not see it.
I sound awful but I really thought I'd done a good job of not showing how I actually feel.
My friend said I front of a group of us that i get really jealous when she mentions she has other best friends and then went on to say how jealous I can be.
I honestly think she's great but pretty aware that I'm low down on her priorities. I've never demanded her time but will often give up mine to help her etc.
I hate that I've been perceived as a jealous person and it isn't the image I want to put out there. How can I balance it out?

I'd drop her, she sounds awful.

If you don’t want to drop
her or lose the ‘ friendship’ you need to at the very least call her out on her behaviour.
it wasn’t acceptable and you didn’t serve it!
Talk to her if you want and try to sort it out, personally, I would be distancing myself from her.
Enjoy your day out today and don’t give her a second thought.

Thanks @Mumof3teenagers I know that last post sounds bad. She really is lovely and a good friend but I'm more aware of where I stand now.
I'm pretty sure that if I brought it up, she'd listen. She's really transparent about why she does things but sometimes I feel like that's an excuse to behave a certain way and get away with it!

We all have our faults but she sounds vicious.

That was a really nasty thing to say in front of others.

That is not friendship.

Friends would have a private word.

Please step back for your self respect because she is not your friend.

As for you losing your promotion because of mat leave, no wonder you were upset, that sounds like pure discrimination and would infuriate most people but its not jealousy.

You are aware and have some suggestions to help.

It also sounds as if you have a lot on your plate.

Work on yourself for sure, but go easy on yourself.

Invest more in other friends and pull back from someone so nasty as to try to publicly humiliate you.

That is not a nice person, at all.

I actually think most people are quite jealous, @OP, they're just not honest enough to admit it

I agree that it might be a self-esteem issue, but I also think your friend is pretty mean for calling you out on it.

@billy1966 thank you, your words really mean a lot, I appreciate it.

@RedPandaFluff too true! No one likes admitting their flaws! I struggled even writing the initial post.

You seem self aware enough to have realised it’s not a great trait- honestly I think everyone has felt this way at times. Your friend really doesn’t sound that nice at all though. If she does really think you act jealous when she mentions other friends, then it was incredibly mean of her to bring that up in a group.

The thing is that being jealous of others is actually a pretty normal human emotion, we are competitive beings by nature. I think its what you do with it that counts.

I still have moments where I feel triggered by someone getting a promotion at work which I thought I could have got, or a friend buying a lovely new house or their child winning a scholarship. But when I was younger I would have allowed this to eat me up. Now (I'm in my early 50s) I have seen enough of life to know that people can be extremely lucky in one area of their life and extremely unlucky in others.

Another thing that's helped is looking back on my life I know realise how lucky I was at certain periods when I felt anything but lucky. That has taught me to count my blessings and realise that I have everything I need, but it's taken decades to get there.

I'm not sure if there's a way to train yourself to get past this to be honest. I think sometimes it's just a case of waiting and watching to see how life plays out. People who appear to have everything you wanted often later turn out to have had major challenges in their lives and jealousy is rarely warranted.

I do think practicing gratitude helps. It may seem a bit hippy and naff but just learning to focus on what's good in your life and what you would miss if you lost it really helped me.