Page 2 | Stranger things & DD11

TheColourofspring · 2023-02-18T07:19:58+00:00

My DD 11 has watched Stranger things- I wasn’t sure about letting her watch it but another one of her friends did, I talked to the parents before about it & decided to let her watch it & she absolutely loves it and wasn’t scared by it. She is, of course, younger than the age limit on it. I don’t generally let her watch stuff that has an older rating but probably half their year group have seen it and I have watched it and think that it depends on the child. She’s also watched the final Harry Potter film of the same rating. The issue now is that another friend in school who isn’t allowed to watch it is constantly berating her for it and actually said to her last week ‘my parents think your parents are irresponsible’ so it’s obviously been discussed at home. DD was very upset about it. Aibu to say something to the parents or just leave it? I don’t mind them thinking what they like about us but it’s the fact that they said it to the child and now she’s relaying that back to DD.

liveforsummer · 18/02/2023 08:31

If you were refusing to let a dc watch something as you didn't think it suitable you probably would think other parents that did so were irresponsible. At this age there will be a large range of what parents think is suitable and that's fine. It's just a difference of opinion. I also don't see what's wrong with them telling the child that given the context of the conversation. I'd just explain that to your dd, that it's fair enough if they aren't happy about it. My dd also watched stranger things at that age and of another parent thought I was irresponsible then so what. It's probably worth explaining that the dc is probably jealous as opposed to thinking your (and those of a huge number of the class) parents are irresponsible but that's simply what she's been told by her mum. No big deal or anything to be upset over

WimpoleHat · 18/02/2023 08:36

I dont know if I could resist a passo e aggressive dig that the parents are irresponsible to talk like that in front of their child and should focus on their own parenting and not drag yours into it (clearly that's where their child is picking it up from)

My thoughts too. The irony!

maddening · 18/02/2023 08:38

I would tell dd that this girls parents are allowed.to think whatever, that through life people's opinions will not always match and the only person that has let themselves down is the friend who has gone using a discu with her parents and their opinion to try and hurt or shame dd. It is fine that people don't always agree and their opinion is just that- only an opinion and one you don't agree with.

maddening · 18/02/2023 08:39

Ps my ds was 11 watching stranger things, just turned 12, and he loves it. We watch it together and discuss themes as they arise.

HRHQueenCamilla · 18/02/2023 08:44

Yes, absolutely focus on your own child and how she can deal with this. Does she think you are an irresponsible parent? And why does it matter if someone else's mother thinks you are an irresponsible parent?

I teach year two and I can't begin to tell you the number of falling outs we have about who is allowed to play Fortnite and who isn't. Parents make different choices. The child in my class whose Mother complains to me about other children being allowed to play Fortnite related games at playtime sends in two packets of crisps and a four finger Kit Kat every day which he is eating whilst not playing Fortnite games.

ThaliaLuxurySpa · 18/02/2023 08:45

Untitledsquatboulder · 18/02/2023 07:32

No you don't say something to the parents. Tell your dd that its OK for people to have different opinions, and it's OK for other people to disagree with your decisions.

^^ This

HedwigIsMyDemon · 18/02/2023 08:48

You don’t even know that the parents did say that to their DC so no you don’t say anything.

watcherintherye · 18/02/2023 08:56

The issue now is that another friend in school who isn’t allowed to watch it is constantly berating her for it and actually said to her last week ‘my parents think your parents are irresponsible’ so it’s obviously been discussed at home. DD was very upset about it.

I’d be tempted to tell your daughter that you think her friend’s parents are busybodies. Maybe that’ll filter back to them.

WobblyLondoner · 18/02/2023 09:12

maddening · 18/02/2023 08:38

I would tell dd that this girls parents are allowed.to think whatever, that through life people's opinions will not always match and the only person that has let themselves down is the friend who has gone using a discu with her parents and their opinion to try and hurt or shame dd. It is fine that people don't always agree and their opinion is just that- only an opinion and one you don't agree with.

I'd do this. Don't engage with the parents - as others have said you don't know what they've said in reality.

Got to say, as a huge ST fan, I'd not have let DS watch it at 11 even though he has watched things like Harry Potter. He would have found it totally terrifying (with HP he'd read the books so knew what was happening). The last series in particular. But that's my choice, knowing my child. You know yours and you know ST so that's fair enough.

I do think kids watch stuff too young, there won't be much left by the time they're older - and peer pressure and knowing what others are watching is part of that.

HedwigIsMyDemon · 18/02/2023 09:20

@WobblyLondoner totally agree - and think there’s an element of performance parenting in the “oh my child is only 6 but totally fine with watching every horror film we can throw at her” response.

Whats the rush? Just because you THINK your child is old enough doesn’t mean this stuff is appropriate 🤷‍♀️.

I think some parents would be quite shocked by the conversations teachers are privy to around this stuff. You might not know your child as well as you think . . .

liveforsummer · 18/02/2023 09:26

HedwigIsMyDemon · 18/02/2023 09:20

@WobblyLondoner totally agree - and think there’s an element of performance parenting in the “oh my child is only 6 but totally fine with watching every horror film we can throw at her” response.

Whats the rush? Just because you THINK your child is old enough doesn’t mean this stuff is appropriate 🤷‍♀️.

I think some parents would be quite shocked by the conversations teachers are privy to around this stuff. You might not know your child as well as you think . . .

I work in a school. I don't think many teachers would have much concern over an 11 year old watching ST. Too busy with the 4/5 year olds with huggy wuggy school bags re-enacting squid game games in the playground and looking for penny wise in the drains

Doyoumind · 18/02/2023 09:27

YABU to say Stranger Things and Deahtly Hallows 2 have the same age rating. Stranger Things is 15 and HP is 12A. They're not equivalent.

Original poster

TheColourofspring · 18/02/2023 09:28

@Doyoumind i think the Deathly Hallows 2 was originally a 15

OP posts:

HedwigIsMyDemon · 18/02/2023 09:30

@liveforsummer that was kind of my point, sorry! I was a primary teacher and had to deal with the fallout of these “I know my child best” parents letting their kids watch exactly that kind of TV 🙄.

JMSA · 18/02/2023 09:36

Aww man, I'd be tempted to get a message back to Miss Prissy Pants' parents!

Doyoumind · 18/02/2023 09:38

TheColourofspring · 18/02/2023 09:28

@Doyoumind i think the Deathly Hallows 2 was originally a 15

Then you're mistaken. It was a 12A.

2Old2BABPpresenter · 18/02/2023 09:39

Other girl is jealous. We have an odd dynamic in our house as DP works in residential childcare so is very very clued up on this stuff, we use this and our judgement as ex can be a Pratt about stuff. www.commonsensemedia.org/tv-reviews/stranger-things

Testina · 18/02/2023 09:46

Forget the other parents and work in your daughter’s maturity.

You decided she was old enough to watch a 13 at 11.

Now she has to be guided into the maturity of having the courage of her own convictions. At 11, she’s old enough not to get upset by the comment. Irritated at her friend, perhaps, but she shouldn’t be so upset about it. Old enough to watch ST early, old enough to give her jealous friend this reaction: 🤨🤷🏻‍♀️

Testina · 18/02/2023 09:48

maddening · 18/02/2023 08:38

I would tell dd that this girls parents are allowed.to think whatever, that through life people's opinions will not always match and the only person that has let themselves down is the friend who has gone using a discu with her parents and their opinion to try and hurt or shame dd. It is fine that people don't always agree and their opinion is just that- only an opinion and one you don't agree with.

Absolutely agree.

Easy to decide your child is mature enough to watch ST, but this is where real maturity comes in.

Quartz2208 · 18/02/2023 09:57

O would explain to your daughter that different families/parents have different boundaries as to what they allow/don’t allow partly depending on the child(ren) and parents personalities. In this instance you felt it was appropriate for her to watch it based on what you have seen and know of her but that doesn’t mean it would be the same for everyone

Original poster

TheColourofspring · 18/02/2023 09:57

@Testina is there a point then when kids are ‘mature’ enough to be able to deal with someone constantly berating them for the decisions and being quite mean? That’s why she’s upset.

My DD is pretty mature for her age but I don’t think she should have to put up with someone constantly going on at her. I agree with the comments about rising above it but I think that’s different. She also shouldn’t have to put up with someone going on at her.

OP posts:

Testina · 18/02/2023 10:00

TheColourofspring · 18/02/2023 09:57

@Testina is there a point then when kids are ‘mature’ enough to be able to deal with someone constantly berating them for the decisions and being quite mean? That’s why she’s upset.

My DD is pretty mature for her age but I don’t think she should have to put up with someone constantly going on at her. I agree with the comments about rising above it but I think that’s different. She also shouldn’t have to put up with someone going on at her.

Did I say she had to put up with it?
No, she has to be guided to maturity to deal with it.
It’s easy parenting to decide on whether they can watch a TV show. It’s harder parenting guiding then through shit like this.
So - teach her how to deal with it.

1forward2back · 18/02/2023 10:03

We had similar over a superhero film (I forget which one) that was 12A and DD was 11. I looked it all up on www.commonsensemedia.org/reviews which is really useful for this sort of thing and decided not to let her. But all her friends did. My message to her was that different parents have different rules - we don’t judge them, we just follow our own parents’ rules and that seemed to be ok.

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 18/02/2023 10:09

TheColourofspring · 18/02/2023 09:57

@Testina is there a point then when kids are ‘mature’ enough to be able to deal with someone constantly berating them for the decisions and being quite mean? That’s why she’s upset.

My DD is pretty mature for her age but I don’t think she should have to put up with someone constantly going on at her. I agree with the comments about rising above it but I think that’s different. She also shouldn’t have to put up with someone going on at her.

Why does the girl keep going on at her? Is it because they all talk about /use it in play and she's feeling left out or are there other issues and this is just an excuse to badger your DD?

MILLYmo0se · 18/02/2023 10:14

Theres no way to know if her parents said you specifically were irresponsible. As a parebt when DD is in a whinge of EVERYBODY else watches it/is allowed to go/has one/uses that app/plays it i tell its be job as a responsible parent to make the choices i think are best with the information I have and taking her into account, other parents have different thoughts and make different choices. Now she could easily turn that around to tell someone else that my mam thinks your parents are irresponsible but thats not something I ve ever said. Might think it in my own head at times but out loud i just say every parent is doing the best they can and every family is different and this is the one shes stuck with!