Generational finances

[Mummyongin]

I don’t expect I can word this right/fairly but essentially, if retired grandparents have some wealth (e.g., 5 figure savings or assets) and their adult children are bringing up young children on barely enough to pay rent/mortgage, energy bills, childcare and food - is this okay? What are your thoughts and beliefs about how to balance wealth and finances more fairly? What role should grandparents play financially?

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune with strangers? Or other family?

Because you described a lodging situation in your post, and no sane parent today would have an unrelated man live in their family home.

I don't think safeguarding comes into it at all.

It's more people can only tolerate their own small children - no one wants to share a house with someone else's child. That's why people try not live under the same roof anymore (unless there is a cultural expectation).

No sane unrelated man would want to live with a family. He'd rent a house share with other single people.

I'd say 1) parents wanting to look after their children's safety and 2) unrelated adults not wanting to abuse a child both have the same reaction to living together... hard pass.

The previous mention of a commune is interesting, though. You could potentially get families willing to live with other families - do your vetting correctly, and that could be an amazing setup with mutual childcare and understanding. However, I don't think the UK is really geared up to that kind of lifestyle.

I agree with poster who have highlighted that people generally struggle more earlier in life and reap the rewards later. I remember being in my twenties and studying full time ofr my two postgraduate degrees whilst also working full time (2 evenings and 2 14hr shifts on a Saturday and Sunday) which I did for 3 years and also had two toddlers at that time too. It was really hard work physically, mentally and financially but I'm reaping the rewards now as are my children.

It doesn't sound like your parents are that wealthy and it's great that they have some rainy day funds behind them. I think you need to pay for the lifestyle you want yourself. That is of course hard, and sometimes impossible. Maybe post on another thread and see if there is any help you can get which you're not already or any budgeting tips. Things to get easier when childcare bills reduce too and it sounds like you are still in some of the worst of that. Good luck.

Oh sod off.

No I don’t care. Just like I don’t care about where my taxes go.

Do you know how much care homes cost privately? I doubt helping out with a bit of shopping would make a dent.

And don’t forget the council will be taking my pensions etc and only leaving me with £24 a week.

Not that i’d ever have more than about 6 months of private care fees anyway.

I’ve been through hell with my dad and his care so you can save your outrage, I don’t care. The situation made me sducidal last year and put me in the worst place of my life.

My much younger PIL have put their home in trust after seeing the awful care that their parents has the privilege of paying for alongside people who didn’t have a penny and were in the same place and good luck to them.

Don’t come at me with “don’t you care” because no, I’m long last that.

Well, this couple reportedly (as I was told by two other neighbours) did have a series of strangers, or rather the husband's co-workers, whilst raising a family. I guess they were unrelated enough that the lodger got a lockable door.

There is an unfinished loft here they used as a bunkroom for their two children, the lodger got the second bedroom and the parents got the first bedroom. They all shared one tiny bathroom.

In the loft when I purchased the place, over in the corner, were the walls of a child's dollhouse and some other left-behind stuff.

I think safeguarding is a convenient excuse, but the fact is, people could make do with less and put up with some hardships; instaed they would rather have taxpayers or in this case parents subsidize them. Everyone struggles when young; the mentality that somehow it's "unfair" is really pervasive now, though.

Yes, the clue was when I said "they have enough" and "until we inherit it". We have thought of care and it should be fine. My point is it's not about being "owed" anything, it's that we help each other out where we can because we care.

Was the think tank the Department of the Bleeding Obvious?

Iateallthewotsits I agree.

What about the people who elect not to work? Why aren't they rushing out to find jobs to save up for their care in old age, I wonder 🤔
Why is everyone who bothers to work expected to be so fucking responsible with their hard earned money, while the feckless work shy can happily spend with abandon knowing that they will have to be looked after using, oh yes... other people's money?

I think the elephant in the room here that no one is willing to talk about is how those entitled boomers not sharing their wealth should just be bumped off. I think the sanitised word is euthanasia. Because that's fairer cos once the parents have got past retirement age they don't need the money and it's only young people who do. Because boomers have always had it so good and never struggled like people with families do now.

I'm sure it's been mentioned but I think there are limits to what can be gifted to adult children and there is a rule somewhere that says it can't be from savings?

Op unfortunately I left everything in life too late!
I'm not sure how much ££ I would be able to give adult dc.
But if we still get on I would like to think I would do my best to help them out where I could.

Esp the gc and

SAVING for dc....

Sorry saving for gc!!

I would definitely set up that.

@Mummyongin I wonder what you would have said if as a child you were expected to subsidise your parents? I have four siblings and each of us chip in about £1k/year to support them.

I don't think it is in my place to expect anything from my parents once I have a family of my own. We only have one child because we think that is what we could afford. And that means, being able to pay for whatever she needs now, support her if she decides to go to uni and save enough fund for our retirement.

@RedToothBrush I like your sarcasm/satire 😄 A long long time ago, my husband moaned about how his parents were loaded and he stucked in a shitty terrace house with negative equity and they should have shared their wealth. I told him off and saying no matter how much money he would inherit, it would not be worth it if it meant losing our parents for it. Few years later, one of his parents passed away. He was devastated 😢

I have seen that savings of that amount don't go far if care is needed/wanted in the future. So no I don't think they should be giving their money away. However have you asked if they would pay for music lessons or similar if your children want them? My parents wouldn't give random money but would pay for a specific thing for my child when able.

My view is don’t be entitled and grabby. People work hard for their money- they’re entitled to enjoy themselves in retirement and at least have enough left for a decent care home.

If older parents want to help out their adult children that’s their business, and ideally it should be equal between DC, but it shouldn’t be expected. Pay your own way.

When FIL died he left his entire estate of about 300k to SIL because she was much harder up than us. She was given every opportunity as was DH but she was just a bit shit at life and made some stupid decisions because she has partnered up with men that have leeched off her.

I would rather him have left it to a charity than reward her stupidity.

Why not ask for some advice in your finances?

@Iateallthewotsits

Oh what have your pils done, I'd like to know how to protect my house for my dc.

Until we can legally choose when to end our lives why on earth are we accepting of putting our assets into the hands of silver farmers?

Until we are allowed to choose when we end our own bloody lives I think people should do all they can to evade paying for substandard care.

I want my assets passed onto my children.

Unfortunately I don't know I could ever give them substantial help until I die.
I really don't want to keep living if I get dementia or become more ill....

@PolarBearRug.. What an unkind post... Why was she attracted to men that treated her with no respect?

Why was she attracted to men that leached off her, you know its said women are attracted to men like their fathers??..

She sucks at life? Many of us do.

Personally I think it's unfair to leave huge amounts to one sibling and not another if everyone gets on... But ultimately all money from inheritance is a bonus and life is about more than money.

@BornFreeButinChains Yes it’s unkind but after 20 years of her leaning on myself and her own mother who she has distressed many times I am tired of my MIL calling me in tears, she wouldn’t hurt a fly poor woman. I have had enough. She dominates every single family gathering with outlandish tales. She has also recently had 10k out of MIL who is surviving on pension credit, it was almost all her savings. She is a horrendous bully to her own Mother.

Me and dh parents have not given us a penny. I feel sad about it as we struggle have no childcare unless we pay for it and even though we do work hard and have 'good' jobs our lives are eternally dull because we don't have much disposable income. I hope to give my dc more tbh.

I don't think I'm entitled to my parents or in laws money just that it would be nice to feel like they wanted to help us but they don't and that's that.

Our DC doesn’t know any detail of our finances. They would be able to have a stab at what state pension DH is receiving, and perhaps try and work out some of our household outgoings, but wouldn’t have a clue about any other expenditure or financial information whatsoever.

There are probably a lot of parents that would like to help, but can’t afford to. There will of course be others who do have the surplus income but choose not to help out. But unless someone is privy to the whole financial picture of their parents, it is going to be difficult in a lot of cases to know without a shadow of a doubt if they have spare resources to provide support to adult children and grandchildren.

I've met people who do live communally with other families in the UK.

The adults aren't my cup of tea. The children are just children.