Generational finances

[Mummyongin]

I don’t expect I can word this right/fairly but essentially, if retired grandparents have some wealth (e.g., 5 figure savings or assets) and their adult children are bringing up young children on barely enough to pay rent/mortgage, energy bills, childcare and food - is this okay? What are your thoughts and beliefs about how to balance wealth and finances more fairly? What role should grandparents play financially?

The issue is if they give her lots of their money and then live longer than expected and run out of money and OP hasn't got anything left then they're elderly and fucked

For obvious reasons society should ensure swimming is too expensive for most and that only the wealthiest children get the opportunity to learn and avoid drowning. Having children drown more regularly is the sign of a healthy society nowadays.

My sister and I disagree on this.

I believe my parents money is theirs and what they choose to do with it is completely their choice.

My sister talks about 'her' inheritance and 'what is a fair split' etc. I expect nothing and if my parents leave me something then that is very kind.

The same in life - sometimes they'll treat us to a meal out or even, in the past, pay for a family holiday but none of it is expected. Their money, their choice.

I totally get your point, but generational wealth being handed down is also contributing to inequality.

The wealthy families stay wealthy, the poor stay poor.

Houses are handed down, large inheritances propping people back up the property ladder etc.

Fortunately for op, schools now have to provide swimming lessons, so society is providing that.

Yes this, we were certainly at our wealthiest at retirement and it will be eroded as we have to pay for and replace things

My parents have done nothing but moan about the inheritance tax paid from their parents estate then an unexpected death of a younger sister who had no children all significant sums of money, but equally haven't passed any of this money on to their own children. Both retired early prior to receiving 3 lots of inheritance as both had saving and decent public sector pensions. I cannot understand why they moan about it but then don't attempt to distribute it! It will end up sitting in a bank account and double taxed

I don't get it either. I'm from a WC background. I live in a deprived area. The GPs I know and did know (now deceased) living on state pensions loved to be able to slip their GC the odd £5, pay for a school/christening/baptism etc outfit, or a trip out. I think that there's a level of truth in those with less being more generous. It makes more sense for money to be distributed when the children are small, than a 55+ year old inheriting. As a LP if my Mum had have helped me when I was widowed, I would have been able to get better qualified and we'd have had a better quality of life. Personally in their position I'd be offering the difference between your full and part time wage for three years, or if there's a lot of you a few £k each for a few years.

Ponoka "Personally in their position I'd be offering the difference between your full and part time wage for three years, or if there's a lot of you a few £k each for a few years."

with five figures in the bank, you'd offer that?

I think it's hard. My mum in her 80s has hundreds of thousands in the bank. It's money she and my Dad earned and left to her by my grandparents. Too late to redistribute it now. If there is any left when she goes, my bit will be used on house deposits for my adult children.
Me and dh are working and help our adult dc with rent and childcare expenses. We own our home but now are saving for our retirement. So whilst we are asset rich, it's not liquid.

I think about this more than I should.

My parents aren't able to help, unfortunately, which is fine. But I'm already putting a plan in place to help my boys when they're older. We've opened up savings accounts for them. We've invested about £5k each for them. I'm looking at buying a property that they can move into when they're older.

If I was a multimillionaire, they'd never have to worry!

If I could afford it I wouldn’t sit by and watch my children struggle. Especially because those grandparents with plenty of money probably only have it through benefitting from rising property prices etc.

Five figures is £10,000 to £99,000 in savings or assets (house?)? That's not much to see you through the whole of old age, OP.

Surely you mean 6 figures? Otherwise what they have is really very little in retirement, if they need their roof redone they could say good bye to a 5 figure sum for example. Do they have huge pensions? Own multiple properties?

It's not really clear why you would think they are so well off that they should be giving you money if all they have is a 5 figure sum in the bank.

How old are they and how many years does their savings/asset have to last?

If they are in good health, aged 68, they may have 20 years left in them. This means they can only spend about 5k a year before they run out. If they are living off pension with 5k to top it up, it's not a lot is it.

Five figure savings is not “wealth”. If you think that this is a lot for a retired couple you have no clue. If you start chipping away at their savings, are you taking responsibility for any unexpected expenses in the future?

Why can’t you teach them? The ‘otherwise children will drown’ card you’re trying to cram into this argument is making you seem pretty unreasonable.

^THIS ^

My point was it costs money to visit the local pool.

My parents helped me and I have helped and will help my child. The kindness of my parents (now deceased ) prevented us from hitting rock bottom financially I will always be grateful to them for saving us from homelessness

Quite. For people of that generation then it appears they had to be rather lazy and / or made a number of stupid decisions.

They don’t necessarily need to distribute it. But dialling down the stupid comments would be helpful e.g. my mother keeps on asking about why we don’t have a wrap around extension. Errr we can’t afford it?! Mortgages are expensive and salaries have been static for years. Very galling as my husband and l have worked way longer hours and are more qualified than all of our parents. Plus they got thousands of hours of free childcare. We don’t get any

It’s not your wealth that is required to be distributed ‘fairly’. It’s theirs, and it’s totally up to them what they do with it. You may think they have a moral obligation to help you, but unless they have the same feeling then the reality is that you’re shit out of luck. That you’re upset about this isn’t their problem to solve, it’s something you have to come to terms with yourself.

I’ll ‘admit’ that my parents helped set me up financially, but they did it because they wanted to, and if they hadn’t that would have been perfectly okay too. Their money isn’t something that I am, as an adult, in any entitled to.

If you are on a low income leisure centres usually have discounts available to help you out. Me, dp and our toddler can go swimming for under £6 with this help so it’s definitely worth looking into 😊

Should they for fairness - no
But in any situation where one group has a lot less money than another (friends or family) it will create awkwardnesss.
and they may not like the trade offs eg if you count the cost of petrol for a year of visits and realise it can pay for music lessons
maybe they don’t realise or don’t want to realise how tight things are. Think one of challenges for some over 60s is they think life is equally hard for them as for you when young and assume if you ate less avocados then you could have the lifestyle they had at your age
Maybe be upfront and tell them - you have been through budget carefully. It is very tight and you are making x y z economies to eg afford music lessons so they could now drive to you half the time
that isn’t then about you asking for money but may bring it home
also possible they are worried about future (5 figures isn’t much for 30 years of retirement

Am on the fence, my in laws are wealthy and have been very generous in the past to us. However they could live another 20 years and things aren't cheap, that money has to last them till they die and cover all costs. Their health insurance is currently 5k a year, they car insurance is nearly 2k - this is due to their age ( can not get any cheaper). Keep chipping away like that and it wont last long. They pay for dinner when we go out and if come shipping will pay for everything if they are let. They also pay for their grandkids expensive school fees - this i think is wrong, There are cheaper schools ( and a lot better aswell) that they could go to. SIL guilt tripped them into paying in my opinion and this comes under a lifestyle choice aswell, not struggling, My own parents are terrible with money aswell as being mean, would never pay for a cup of coffee let alone a meal. They would never suggest helping out either. Though tome its both their money and up to them on how they spend it. Helping out doesn't not always mean giving money.