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Original poster

'Nicola Bulley's reputation 'destroyed' by police'

922 replies

MyrtIe · 16/02/2023 10:37

Article here

The points made about victim blaming and the police disclosing this information to cover themselves are spot on imo.

The usual gutter press are having a field day with this today.

What exactly was the point of it? What's it achieved, apart from compounding the heartache of her loved ones?

YABU - the police were right to divulge this sensitive information as it was relevant to the investigation

YANBU - there was absolutely no need to do so

OP posts:
Devoutspoken · 18/02/2023 08:22

So she's been going around telling her friends and family, she drinks because of the menopause?

Inkanta · 18/02/2023 08:32

Devoutspoken · 18/02/2023 08:22

So she's been going around telling her friends and family, she drinks because of the menopause?

Exactly! Who made this assessment?

WiIson · 18/02/2023 08:35

So yes, if you don't acknowledge the menopause as a legitimate scientific and biological issue faced by much of one half of the population, then yes, it risks turning into this era's "womanly hysteria" – a poorly understood, mislabelled, stigmatised, hush-hush, erroneous label for actual specific medical issues.

I do acknowledge that. I also have enough emotional intelligence to recognise that just because this is true, doesn't give me or anyone else the right to share that private information about anyone else. Share what you want about yourself. It's down to others to decide what they want to share about themselves. Not the damn police trying to save their own skin.

WiIson · 18/02/2023 08:38

rubydoobydoo · 17/02/2023 19:34

I don't think the police are going to stop looking for her because a new thread hasn't been started on mumsnet to provide them with guidance along the way. 🙄

😂

knittingaddict · 18/02/2023 08:49

So what I'm getting from this thread is that the police released this information to:

Stop the armchair detectives. (Why would it. You can be a menopausal drunk and still have something horrible happen to you).

To help find her. (Sure it will. 🙄People are suddenly going to look twice at that hot flushed woman ordering doubles down the local).

To protect the reputation of the police and excuse any failings on their part. (Trash her reputation to save theirs. My personal favourite theory).

I've avoided any threads about this tragic case, but now I'm angry on her behalf. I would be mortified to have my issues with the menopause being made worldwide news. It's nothing to be ashamed off, but it's also no one else's business. A more general statement about vulnerability should have been the most required. Poor woman.

Walkaround · 18/02/2023 09:37

knittingaddict · 18/02/2023 08:49

So what I'm getting from this thread is that the police released this information to:

Stop the armchair detectives. (Why would it. You can be a menopausal drunk and still have something horrible happen to you).

To help find her. (Sure it will. 🙄People are suddenly going to look twice at that hot flushed woman ordering doubles down the local).

To protect the reputation of the police and excuse any failings on their part. (Trash her reputation to save theirs. My personal favourite theory).

I've avoided any threads about this tragic case, but now I'm angry on her behalf. I would be mortified to have my issues with the menopause being made worldwide news. It's nothing to be ashamed off, but it's also no one else's business. A more general statement about vulnerability should have been the most required. Poor woman.

Or maybe they released the information because it was about to be released in a less sympathetic way by someone seeking to make profit from it; and because they hoped it might stop people in their tracks and make them think the constant probing and speculation by members of the public was unhelpful and intrusive and this would be enough to shut them up. And, frankly, I think the police have succeeded in their aim - they have successfully diverted the attention of the malicious trolls to the police and away from the family…

Emotionalsupportviper · 18/02/2023 10:38

I think you are right @Walkaround .

Lesser of two evils.

Some people were complaining that the senior police officer was rubbish at communicating information to the public - so what? That's not her job. Her job is to find missing people.

Perhaps she should have outsourced the public info bit, but that doesn't mean she isn't good at the "detecting".

While some police forces have hardly covered themselves in glory lately, there is nothing to suggest that they aren't doing all they can to find Nicola. Members of the public sticking their oars in - even from the best of motives - must be a PITA.

Flowerypillow · 18/02/2023 12:06

I think probably police wanted to release this earlier but didn't because the family didn't want them to, but now everyone's hands been forced because it was coming out anyway.

I also think the police knew very early on exactly what had happened to her and whilst it's important she's found, sadly they've been looking for a body from the start, which is why there's been an apparent lack of urgency.

Felix125 · 18/02/2023 14:33

She might have gone off somewhere and doesn't want to be found
This could be due to mental health issues and she's got to the point where she thinks her family will be better off without her.

So, she could be hidden somewhere in plain sight

Mirabai · 18/02/2023 15:57

Flowerypillow · 18/02/2023 12:06

I think probably police wanted to release this earlier but didn't because the family didn't want them to, but now everyone's hands been forced because it was coming out anyway.

I also think the police knew very early on exactly what had happened to her and whilst it's important she's found, sadly they've been looking for a body from the start, which is why there's been an apparent lack of urgency.

Police forces have always flagged when someone goes missing if there are mental health issues involved. There was no reason they couldn’t have alluded to that at the start rather than go into way too much detail far too late in the day.

Devoutspoken · 18/02/2023 16:22

The menopause made me get really pissed, she told her dh?!

plumduck · 18/02/2023 16:50

Some random tiktok person has been digging in the woods.

It's ridiculous

Puzzledandpissedoff · 18/02/2023 17:03

I think they mentioned the vulnerabilities thinking the trolls might lose interest
I think some have lost interest now

I agree there's less interest than there was - the reduction in threads/posts tells its own story - but not that it's because of what the police disclosed

Unfortunately some have the attention span of mayflies, and while they enjoy a good howl and police-bash at the time they soon lose interest in favour of the next "thing"
We saw exactly the same thing with Archie Battersbee and other such sad cases; widespread shouting when it was all in the news, but how many went to the funeral or stayed around to support the family?

ScentOfAMemory · 18/02/2023 17:09

plumduck · 18/02/2023 16:50

Some random tiktok person has been digging in the woods.

It's ridiculous

Well random Mumsnetters have been "I'll go and walk past the bench tomorrow morning and see if you can see X from there" (I can't remember what X was, but I'm sure there was a helpful map drawn by the Mumsnetter"

@Puzzledandpissedoff they appear to be moving on to the Madeleine McCann scammer.

plumduck · 18/02/2023 17:23

ScentOfAMemory · 18/02/2023 17:09

Well random Mumsnetters have been "I'll go and walk past the bench tomorrow morning and see if you can see X from there" (I can't remember what X was, but I'm sure there was a helpful map drawn by the Mumsnetter"

@Puzzledandpissedoff they appear to be moving on to the Madeleine McCann scammer.

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That's so grim. Why would they do that?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 18/02/2023 17:24

they appear to be moving on to the Madeleine McCann scammer

So I see ... I've not posted on that and am just waiting for the deletion message Wink

ancientgran · 19/02/2023 14:35

They've found a body in the river, they aren't confirming if it is Nicola. RIP whoever it is.

Whatsuppdr · 19/02/2023 14:37

ancientgran · 19/02/2023 14:35

They've found a body in the river, they aren't confirming if it is Nicola. RIP whoever it is.

Oh that is sad for all concerned

OneTC · 19/02/2023 15:17

I hope Paul Faulding never works another day in his life

Goldplatedbag · 19/02/2023 15:20

OneTC · 19/02/2023 15:17

I hope Paul Faulding never works another day in his life

I expect the police will get a full apology from all the people who knew better than they did....

plumduck · 19/02/2023 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

itsgettingweird · 19/02/2023 15:24

I hope if it's Nicola she's at peace now.

I hope the family get some closure.

I hope that ignorant people aren't seeing Nicola as a tarnished woman for having MH problems, an addictive illness and struggling with the menopause.

Nothing about any of this is anything but devastatingly sad.

Mirabai · 19/02/2023 15:24

Goldplatedbag · 19/02/2023 15:20

I expect the police will get a full apology from all the people who knew better than they did....

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You think the police - who should have released general information that she was vulnerable when she first went missing and then later released far TMI to the distress of her family and the anger for women everywhere - should get an apology? They owe a big apology to her family and to the community.

londonrach · 19/02/2023 15:28

Very sad. I hope in a way the body is Nicolas so that her family has closure but was hoping for a happier end. X

Newnamenewme23 · 19/02/2023 15:29

Mirabai · 19/02/2023 15:24

You think the police - who should have released general information that she was vulnerable when she first went missing and then later released far TMI to the distress of her family and the anger for women everywhere - should get an apology? They owe a big apology to her family and to the community.

Show quote history

Ffs it wasn’t “to the distress of her family”.

the family knew they were going to release that info and have clearly said it was done to stop others selling the story to the papers.

they said she was in the river as there was no evidence of anything else. They were right.