'Nicola Bulley's reputation 'destroyed' by police'

[MyrtIe]

Article here

The points made about victim blaming and the police disclosing this information to cover themselves are spot on imo.

The usual gutter press are having a field day with this today.

What exactly was the point of it? What's it achieved, apart from compounding the heartache of her loved ones?

YABU - the police were right to divulge this sensitive information as it was relevant to the investigation

YANBU - there was absolutely no need to do so

your Dear departed grandfather is probably rolling in his grave ashamed of you for making snap judgements and claims about the police with no evidence.

they didn’t do it to make themselves look better.

It’s because she is a woman. It MUST be her fault in some way. It makes me think of the ‘smiley face killers’ an organised (and completely made up) international gang of serial killers responsible for murdering young men and throwing them into bodies of water. Never mind the fact that they had all been on nights out and walked home by said bodies of water alone. Too drunk and fell in? Never. Can’t be a man’s fault. Must be serial killers.

In contrast, look at that poor, poor headteacher and her daughter who were murdered by a family annihilator. They led with the interview about how her new job had been a ‘challenge and upheaval’ for her family. She obviously drove her husband to it by throwing his life into turmoil for her career. It’s infuriating.

@Togoodtobeforgotten I am sorry to hear you are experiencing this, i hope you start to feel better before to long, the only thing i can say is just hold on, there is an end to it, and the symptoms you are battling now will lessen gradually, i know it might seem like there is no end to it when you are sleep depraved, boiling ,crying or lost, i was crying about being physically lost and not wanting to ask for directions because i was sure people thought i was far to fat for the car i was driving, a nice lady made me a cup of piss weak sweet tea and then told me horror stories about her own menopause while reassuring me there is an end to it eventually, and she was right, although at the time i just necked the 2 Valium she gave me , climbed in the taxi she called me and thought what do you know you old witch ?
I dont really have anything else except she was right one day you just feel less shitty and gradually you get back to normal .. good luck

That may or may not be true.. i don't recall mass rapists and murderers in the Police forces years ago...

However, i don't think tarring a posters grandad with the general misogyny etc of the 70s is fair... Life on Mars wasn't a documentary and neither was The Sweeney... these sorts of institutions tend to reflect society.

Anyway, all a bit of topic.. sorry.

Those poor kids and her parents having to hear this discussed like it’s entertainment

they have to live with this forever

well done police ( not) - it’s not right to use private medical information this way

No because women were told to put up and shut up back then

Oh yes and those poor kids will have to endure the playground taunts about their Mother having alcohol issues. Also not at all human that their poor Mother is being used for online entertainment by crazy people!

Her doctor wouldn't be allowed to tell the police because of patient confidentiality I think. So I can only think it was her husband or close family member

Am I reading the latest Sky / BBC report correctly and that the family have said they knew what the Police were going to say, they know Nicola would have hated it but people were threatening to sell stories to the press (thus meaning the Police statement was the lesser of the evils?)

Yes

From BBC www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-64665835

*On Thursday her family said she would not have wanted the information released, but police had kept them informed.

In a new statement, they said: "As a family, we were aware beforehand that Lancashire Police, last night, released a statement with some personal details about our Nikki.

"Although we know that Nikki would not have wanted this, there are people out there speculating and threatening to sell stories about her.

"This is appalling and needs to stop.

"The police know the truth about Nikki and now the public need to focus on finding her."*

Because they are asking in a normal conversation when will it be over, they are talking about menopausal symptom, maybe ?
Or they are unsure of where they are regarding menopause and think saying .. i am experiencing a gradual progression toward a permanent loss of ovarian follicular function, makes them sound like a twat
And as menopause is retrospectively diagnosed it can be a very confusing time. .

Why are you so arsed ?
Why do you think women do not understand basic biology ?

If i wanted a hormone but no longer produce said hormone and never will . I will buy it on the internet like everyone else assuming my regular drug dealer doesn't already stock it , crisis averted no fucks given,

No, he obviously wasn't, but that wouldn't have made any difference to him if he was. He got a medal for bravery so I don't think that any amount of hassle would have stopped him doing his job properly, or keeping a person's private business confidential.

IF Nicola's family did agree to the police giving out such personal information, then I presume that they now believe that she isn't going to be coming home, because

[even though someone who might be having mental health problems and/or problems with drinking too much alcohol (possibly caused by those mental health problems - or vice-versa), and/or sadly have difficulties with their peri-menopause, they should not feel at all embarrassed or ashamed about ANY of those things, unfortunately many of us still would, because we know that society appears to be still made up of many, very judgemental people]

if Nicola is still (hopefully) alive and well (at least physically), they would know that she would almost certainly hate the whole world knowing about her private life. If I were Nicola - and under the circumstances that we now think we know about - I would not ever want to come home now.

Of course Nicola's family have all my sympathy for the awful situation they are in, particularly of course the children. But I think that if they were advised to agree to to the police telling us all this very private information, then I do personally question that advice. Surely if the police and family had kept quiet, then if anyone else had made claims about Nicola's recent mental health history, the police could have continued to claim that they couldn't tell us anything because of confidentiality, and the family could have just said that those claiming that Nicola has those problems, were just trolls.

We all know that the internet is littered with trolls, so most of us would not be surprised by that. We, the general public, no matter how genuine our concern may be, have no given right to know any of these details. I cannot see how us knowing these things could possibly help in the hunt for Nicola.

Further up in my response here to @MrsDanversGlidesAgain, I complained about people being judgemental, and yet here I am being judgemental, but I do think that it is ok to judge organisations - as long as there is at least some form of logic to the judgement, and as long as the person judging keeps an open mind as to whether their judgements are fair or not, and are willing to hold their hands up, and apologise if they are later proved wrong. I don't think we should ever judge individuals until they have been proven guilty, usually through the law courts, because that can ruin a person's life without there being any validity to the judgement at all. I would not have given my judgement on this Police Force, if it had not already been an argument in the public domain. But it is, and I am just as entitled to my opinion as anyone else is.

You're on the wrong board. The bone pointing occurs on the Menopause board. For the vast majority of women, the fluctuating hormones of the perimenopause years to settle and it is over for them. Postmenopause is a new normal, and for quite a large majority a happier new normal.

Thank you that is encouraging, it doesn't help that I also have an overactive thyroid so basically a double whammy.

bone pointing, what?

Not on the wrong board, thanks.
Menopause is a permanent state.

You'll all be ruiiiiiiiiined...

Perimenopause, menopause aka the official point of menopause 12 months after all cessation of menstruation, and the adjustment years following aka postmenopause are three distinct times and markers.

You no longer produce a hormone and never will.

The ovaries, adrenals, and fat cells still produce hormones which are converted into oestrogens postmenopause.

But you yourself are a ‘social media twat’ who has spent a significant amount of time over the past few days bashing out vitriol on your keyboard, presumably under the misapprehension that you are doing good! And you’re calling other people batshit and delusional? Seriously. Have a think.

You do you.

Yes, I prefer that to ignorance.

I don't understand anyone saying this was disrespectful to NB to reveal this info. It violated her privacy but frankly that privacy went out the window weeks ago. Nobody should feel ashamed for feeling ill.

My gut feeling is that everyone saying this was revealed to disrespect her: those people saying that are the prejudiced people who want ill people to feel ashamed. The only people who should feel ashamed are the ppl who think that there is some reason why NB's reputation would be damaged by these revelations.

I have literally read this entire thread on the guardian!! And do know what they added the end

How peri menopause effects women

Oh give over , what a croc of shite. Absolute shambles of journalism and police efforts to find a woman who went missing in 10 minutes, possibly 3hpurs or 3 weeks

Not sure people are saying it’s been released to disrespect her - rathe that it’s been released to take the heat off the police and the criticism they have been receiving.
They are trying to divert the story from being about “police failing to move the search forward in 3 weeks” to something which focuses on Nicolas mental health and her issues with alcohol. It takes the heat off them.

No one thinks struggles with menopause or alcohol are anything to be ashamed of but they are personal and the criticism is that the police did not need to release the extent of detail that they have - because it actually makes zero difference to the search.
THEY knew all of this on day one, they have sat on it, they are releasing it now for their own purposes, not to progress the case.

Although there are some wonderful people within the police, the police as a whole do whatever they need to do to keep themselves out of the shit. You only have to scratch the surface to see and believe it.

The family have issued a statement that they/the police released the information before people could sell the story to the papers.

it hasn’t been released to take the heat of the police or any such thing. It’s been done so it’s carefully and sympathetically released, and not a news rag headline.

A pp on another thread was stating something to the effect, that in a close knit village others would have been aware. Maybe some village twat was going to try and line their pockets by selling a story. Shameless, greedy and heartless