To even consider this?

[user1820224]

Wheres the line about what circumstances would be okay to just up and leave your husband without letting him know? We don’t have children.

Obviously I know in DV cases it’s so important to do this for safety.

My husband has never hit me. But he threatened to. He seems good in a lot of ways and I do love him a lot. But he’s very controlling sometimes to the point where I’m not even allowed a job.

I have a family member who lives abroad and she wants me to move there for a while with her. I could go next month and stay for six months. I’m really considering going, not telling my husband, just leaving. But I feel so guilty and like this will cause him so much trauma and will mean that I’m a really awful person who will get a load of bad karma.

But I just don’t have the strength to break free, he always talks me out of things. I feel so trapped and my mental health is a mess, my anxiety is through the roof. I have a small amount of savings to get by for the 6 months so I could just go on a tourist visa and not work.

Please be honest. AIBU to even consider doing this?

Op

This man is very abusive. You do not realise the extent of the abuse going by your posts.

Not allowing you to seek employment is highly controlling. It is not necessarily because he wants you to relax and stay home and live a life of leisure - it’s because he does not want you to have access to money, he does not want you to have access to the outside world, meet friends etc

I bet he controls all the finances?

Are you allowed out without him? Do you see anyone apart from him? Friends? Family?

No you do not have to pay the mortgage, nor any of the bills and I would urge you to not alert him you are leaving him until you are well and truly safely away from him.

He is dysfunctional and he always will be. you cannot change him or cure him.

You should not tell him your whereabouts but instead create a new email address and he can access that to contact you.

If he won't even let you get a job, why are you worrying about leaving him to cover the mortgage?
You need to have a plan for longer term though rather than just the 'abroad for a few months with a relative'
How will you support yourself?
Can you stay beyond 90 days wherever it is you're going?
Ps there's no such thing as karma.

I would speak to a lawyer about the house and then go. So you have a ring door bell? If so be very careful as he'd see you go. I'd get all paperwork to a friend's home but choose wisely there.

Can you be sure where he is, so you can leave safely?

Would he guess you were with your friend?

Have you told anyone in this country where you might go to?

You could notify your local police station beforehand in case he reports you as missing.

Go! It’s your chance. Did not worry about him.