To feel jealous over friends freedom

[Doggybagwarrior]

Ok. First things first. I'm well aware I'm up for a roastin' :) Genuinely curious if anyone in a similar friendship can relate or if my jealousy is a bit OTT.

A good friend of mine barely has time with her children apart from the morning rush to school. I can completely sympathise that the morning rush of getting a couple of kids (age 5 and 7) off to school is, more often than not, hard work. Her partner finishes early to collect them and take them off to various clubs to give her alone time.

She doesn't work because she wants to be around for her children, and then in the holidays they go to grandparents or her dp takes time off to care for them.

At weekends she will do things with them with her dp otherwise they will go to grandparents.

She doesn't have any 1:1 time with either of them and if dp is not around she very very rarely looks after them alone.

I won't lie but I do get jealous, constant messages to tell me that they are at the grandparents having sleep overs. Constant, very subtle (so perhaps my guilt)
comments, mentioning how she doesn't work because she wants to be there for her kids and how she feels so sorry for other kids who don't have a sahm to be their constant, unswerving, attentive parent all the whole knowing I'd love to be in that situation but can't.
I work very hard, but it's fairly part-time as, I too, want to be there for my kids. These little comments can be a little aggravating.

When I'm not working then every moment I have is with my (same aged) kids. If grandparents ever offer to spend time with the kids we usually use this opportunity for the kids to have 1:1 time with us and the grandparents so we never really get a break. We do have help with 1 of our children twice a month for when I'm on call with work but no other family help as such, especially for leisure time! :)

I know I probably sound unreasonable but I'm so sick of hearing it. I'm so jealous that someone gets so many breaks and not just within school hours. I would love to just get two hours to watch TV! 1 even!

But I'm also aggravated by the subtle working- mum shaming comments.

How unreasonable am I being exactly?!

I'd feel a bit jealous too, who wouldn't want more free time. She doesn't sound like much of a friend tbh if she's purposely "one-upping" you. Find some better friends

She sounds insecure, OP. She’s trying to validate herself by judging others’ choices. It would really piss me off too. I’m a SAHM and I never say this shit to working mothers. It’s also ok to feel a bit jealous when someone else has choices we might have liked to have too. You might need to step away from this friendship for a while if you feel like you can’t have an open chat with this friend that she’s hurt your feelings

I don't understand she's not really spending time with her kids though if her dp has to take time off to watch them or they get sent to the grandparents most of the time?

So really you're spending more time with your children? So her comments are irrelevant. I'd ditch her she sounds really passive aggressive and pathetic.