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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed friends aren't coming to DC's party?

51 replies

strawberrye · 15/02/2023 09:12

My DC's 3rd birthday is coming up and it will be the first birthday where they will have had a birthday party due to covid. I have a group of close friends who all have children a similar age and we meet quite regularly for playdates. All of these friends' children have had birthday parties in the past year or so which have been well attended by others in this friendship group.
It turns out no-one from the group is coming to my DC birthday, yet everyone is attending another birthday party of one of the group DC a couple of weeks later.
AIBU for being upset about this?

OP posts:
StrongCoffeeAvalanche · 15/02/2023 09:13

What reasons did they give for not coming?

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/02/2023 09:15

Of course YANBU. How hurtful.

underneaththeash · 15/02/2023 09:15

Are they away? How much notice did you give?

Thesearmsofmine · 15/02/2023 09:16

Seems a bit odd unless there is some kind of reason none of them can come. What did they say?

PrinceHaz · 15/02/2023 09:19

I think a family celebration is enough for a 3 year old. When he’s 4 plus, he’ll understand and remember more and you’ll be able to invite nursery/school friends.
in the meantime you might want to re-evaluate these friendships if you think they’re being flaky.

Original poster
strawberrye · 15/02/2023 09:19

Some have given reasons which vary, others haven't. I gave 7 weeks notice.

OP posts:
redskydelight · 15/02/2023 09:19

Why aren't they coming? If you've just picked a bad date, can you move the party?

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 15/02/2023 09:22

Is it coming up this weekend because half term/holiday birthdays are always difficult. People make plans to go away or if they've had to use holiday childcare they plan activities for the weekend.

PrinceHaz · 15/02/2023 09:22

I wonder if 7 weeks notice was too much. They might have forgotten until you reminded them.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 15/02/2023 09:23

Is it during school holidays? We (unwittingly) booked dd’s 3rd birthday party for school holiday time and noted that it seemed that only about 50% of people come to kids parties.

The following year we followed that rule and invited lots and lots. Except it then wasn’t school holidays. (Again we weren’t really aware as Dd was my eldest and not yet at school.)

Every Single Bloody One of them wanted to come. 27 kids aged 3 - 4 in a hall is a lot of kids! 😂

StrongCoffeeAvalanche · 15/02/2023 09:24

It might be they genuinely can't come. I would put forward another date, if you can. See what their responses are then. It's a horrible feeling though, sorry op

Mariposista · 15/02/2023 09:24

Really does depend on context here. Have you picked an awkward date? Bad time? Holiday time? Have there been any altercations with your child and theirs?

Dutchesss · 15/02/2023 09:28

It could be many reasons.
Is it booked for half term when many people are away?
Have you booked somewhere really far away or inconvenient for driving and parking?
Have you booked somewhere that would cost people money? Parking charges or spectator charges?
Is it an inconvenient time of day?

SleeplessInEngland · 15/02/2023 09:28

When you say some haven't given reasons, did they decline or they haven't replied?

Dinkeigh · 15/02/2023 09:29

Half term, bank holiday, key date...any of these events would give a bad turnout. Is it any of these?

alittleadvicepls · 15/02/2023 09:30

Do you have a class group chat? I’d post a survey in it “most of you won’t be able to make it to the original date- what other day would suit everyone better?”

bellylaughsalldaylong · 15/02/2023 09:32

It sounds really rotten tbh.

id be a bit annoyed too.

Original poster
strawberrye · 15/02/2023 09:35

Sorry to drip feed! Trying to keep anonymous.
It is not in school holidays. Free parking nearby, free venue in a town. It is a normal time for parties and I am catering for the adults and kids. Bouncy castle and toys. They haven't forgotten as all said no or uncertain replies as soon as I sent the invite. Reasons include "might be going away but no plans yet", "working" (but only works 2 days a year at weekends), "I might have a birthday thing the next day" and "going to a housewarming later that day"

Other people outside the group are coming so I'm sure DC will have a good time but I'm upset about the lack of effort from my friends as we were all friends prior to having our DC.

OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 15/02/2023 09:39

These reasons are shit actually. Fair enough if they really can't make it. Although on the other hand if i just didn't want to go I would make up a proper reason as to why i couldn't be there none of that BS from your last post would cut it. Are they good friends? Has there been other issues or is this come as a surprise? Hope you enjoy the party with those that have made the effort for your dc

Dinkeigh · 15/02/2023 09:41

The going away reason and working reason are what they are, the other 2 reasons are ridiculous.

autienotnaughty · 15/02/2023 10:02

Yeah that's poor. It's good this is not yours and you're child's only social group as they are not making any effort. Could it be a couple have legitimate reasons and the rest jumped too? Are any going? I'd not mention it again except to post pics of your child having a fab time!

Chasedbythechaser · 15/02/2023 10:06

I’d re-evaluate the friendships tbh.

I’ve only ever given two weeks notice for a birthday party.

Genie321 · 15/02/2023 10:41

They are not your close friends. Close friends make effort to celebrate with you, even if it puts them out. Close friends are those that you know will come, without asking. Note it and move on. Really feel for you and it's not easy knowing they are all going to another party. Adults can behave so poorly in these situations. But great news that your DC has other children attending. Throw a great party, celebrate your child and put this down to experience. Oh, find some new 'friends'!

FlounderingFruitcake · 15/02/2023 10:49

I get why you’re upset, that’s really crappy of them. Maybe they find your DS hard to deal with or perhaps you’re not as close as friends as you thought. But it definitely seems as if they’re making excuses and they’re not even trying that hard to make them sound believable either.

BirdyPig · 15/02/2023 11:30

Hmm. That is strange.

Do the kids all get on ok? Have any of them fallen out? Is your DC mostly well behaved?

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