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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of MH problems

82 replies

Tiptoearound · 15/02/2023 00:38

I’m not so inconsiderate that I don’t believe they exist but it seems that nearly everyone I meet has mental health problems, I was married to a man that was in the forces & he seriously suffered from PTSD but now it seems that everyone & his wife has depression/anxiety/PTSD/ADHD & I honestly feel it’s all self diagnosed

OP posts:
OopsAnotherOne · 15/02/2023 12:22

I have diagnosed and medicated ADHD which has made my life incredibly difficult for years until I got it under control, but it's people with opinions like yours, OP, which makes it hard for me to be able to speak about it. Only my close friends know, I don't go around speaking about it and I'd rather let people think I'm "odd" in some of my behaviours rather than tell them I have ADHD, because I worry they'll think that I'm some self-diagnosed attention seeker, or be met with "ADHD didn't exist in my day!!!". There would have been people that thought the man you were married to should have "manned up" and got over his "self-diagnosed PTSD", which I'm sure you'd understand would have been ludicrous to expect as it doesn't work like that.

We used to lock people with MH problems away in institutions, or medicate them, or lobotomise them, whereas now there's more exposure and awareness regarding these conditions and the treatments available. It's no longer a shameful taboo that cannot be spoken about. Families don't hide away a family member with MH like they used to. Sure there are some who self-diagnose fake illnesses, whether they be mental or physical, but they'll always exist as a frustrating but small minority.

Cuppasoupmonster · 15/02/2023 12:25

It's no longer a shameful taboo that cannot be spoken about

But does it need speaking about all the time? I think that’s the other half of this - it feels like when people get diagnosed they do nothing else apart from ‘raise awareness’ with endless social media posts. I think we all talk about it far too much and there are many people who find it annoying/depressing/boring (sorry if that sounds harsh I’m not saying that about you personally just the topic in general)

BlondeBombshelf · 15/02/2023 12:30

I tend to agree @Tiptoearound Feeling anxious doesn’t mean you ‘have anxiety’. Needing to line your spices up in alphabetical order doesn’t mean you have OCD. For all the people taking the mickey out of the OP, I actually think they’re downplaying what mental health issues actually are.

If anyone can just self-diagnose then people that genuinely do have anxiety/OCD etc might just see it as a normal part of life. Dare I say it, trendy, going on behaviour of some of these God awful influencers. It’s time to sort out what these illnesses really look like and what’s just regular life. It would allow the people who need the help to get it faster.

OopsAnotherOne · 15/02/2023 12:38

Cuppasoupmonster · 15/02/2023 12:25

It's no longer a shameful taboo that cannot be spoken about

But does it need speaking about all the time? I think that’s the other half of this - it feels like when people get diagnosed they do nothing else apart from ‘raise awareness’ with endless social media posts. I think we all talk about it far too much and there are many people who find it annoying/depressing/boring (sorry if that sounds harsh I’m not saying that about you personally just the topic in general)

I do see what you're saying but with all due respect, the alternative is how it was before, very few people feeling able to speak about it. Shaming someone into not being able to speak about genuine struggles leads to higher suicide rates - just look at men who have grown up with the "boys don't cry, don't be a pussy, stop being such a wimp" - now male suicides consistently accounted for approximately three-quarters of all suicides in the UK since the mid-1990s. I'm not saying it needs speaking about all the time, I don't recall saying that, but it needs speaking about. People need to feel able to speak about the fact they're struggling. There needs to be no shame on admitting you're finding things hard and reaching out for help.

If you don't want someone speaking to you about their mental health, or the fact that they're struggling, or suffering from a symptom that they've realised most other people don't have, then stop them and tell them you don't want to hear it. Tell them they can speak to someone else but not you, because you find it annoying and boring. If someone is posting about their mental health online, either to raise awareness or to reach out for help and advice, block them and move on. If you find it annoying/depressing/boring to hear about people talking about their mental health then remove yourself from those people, rather than expecting them to keep it to themselves or bottle it up.

Whether you're saying it about me personally or not, it makes no difference, I understand that not everyone wants to talk about mental health and some people would rather people kept it quiet and didn't bother them with it. That's fine, that's absolutely your right to do so. But I don't think the answer is people speaking less about mental health, the impact is has, reaching out when they're struggling etc so the only real option is for you to tell someone to stop speaking if they mention mental health, or block those who talk about it online. It may be hurtful to the person who felt they could confide in you but you have every right to tell them to stop talking. You have absolutely no obligation to listen to them and they cannot make/force you to.

Like I said, I don't speak about my mental health to anyone other than my close friends and even then it isn't a frequent topic of discussion, mainly because a lot of the beliefs and attitudes shared on this thread. I'd hope that if one of my friends shared a mindset with you, they'd tell me so I could see their stance and adjust my behaviour towards them accordingly.

emptythelitterbox · 15/02/2023 15:11

MummersMumming · 15/02/2023 09:41

How do you know when it is actual anxiety or depression rather than being just a bit worried/sad.

I can barely function. I feel like I'm going insane. I'm suffering from suicide ideation and I hurt myself in an attempt to cope with it. This has been going on for months. But I can't get a gp appointment, the nearest I can get is a phone call from mental health nurse that's booked in for two weeks time.

But no diagnosis (because the gp doesn't want to know) so I guess I'm just making it up for clout 🤷‍♀️

Yes, that's the real deal.
It's hard and it affects everything. And people don't really want to hear about that kind of mental illness.

Anxiety, depression, ocd, adhd. All diagnosed and being treated.

The kind that doesn't require a meme or some attention seeking post how they're sad their fav show isn't on.

I hope you keep trying to get some help. Flowers
I don't know if it'd be affordable for you but maybe look into telehealth. If may be easier to get help or a referral from an online doctor. A clinic or teaching hospital might be a possibility too.

XenoBitch · 15/02/2023 19:42

YANBU

I think that when people talk about MH and raising awareness, it is more emotional wellbeing they are on about... but once you start to add things like psychotic illness into it, people shy away. The stuff people want to talk about is low level anxiety and depression, because it does seem like everyone and their dog has that nowadays.

Tiptoearound · 15/02/2023 19:52

XenoBitch · 15/02/2023 19:42

YANBU

I think that when people talk about MH and raising awareness, it is more emotional wellbeing they are on about... but once you start to add things like psychotic illness into it, people shy away. The stuff people want to talk about is low level anxiety and depression, because it does seem like everyone and their dog has that nowadays.

Absolutely, I think the problem is now that MH problems are not emotional problems (if you understand what I mean). Very sadly my ex took his own life many years ago as he didn’t get the help or support that he needed. I’m just frustrated that general anxiety & feeling a bit low are considered MH issues. My daughter is in yr 8 secondary & the amount of children that now have ‘serious’ MH problems outweighs the kids that do not. It’s a shame as MH now seems to be a get out of jail free card

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