What would you think of this? (Newish guy)

[Bringinthetea]

So we have been dating for around 7 months. We get on, lots of chemistry etc although I would not describe it as at the commitment stage. However I have not heard from him at all today (Valentines day). Since this would be our first Valentines I was kinda using this to test his interest level. I.e, if he sent me flowers or at least a message then the interest of still wanting to see me is there. If not then he Is not that interested.

I must admit I was hoping for some acknowledgement as I was into him and I am a bit upset by it. I shouldn't see him again right? How would you feel about this? I feel like a bit of an idiot tbh.

What did you do for him?

Hmm, is he one of those people who doesn't believe in Valentine's Day? Some people think it's commercialised and meaningless (I don't, before I get jumped on!).

Is it possible he's asking the same thing somewhere else on the internet?

Do things like Valentine's Day come up on your joint list of values?

I'd probably like to see some indication too, but we would have probably discussed going out for Valentine's or perhaps celebrating in some way.

Sorry you were disappointed, OP X

What is your definition of dating??

Also, not everyone believes in celebrating Valentine’s Day. I wouldn’t use this to measure his level of commitment, a chat would work better.

Did you indicate you usually celebrate it? Lots don’t. If someone I’d been going out with for seven months gave me a Valentine’s card/pink teddy/red roses, it would be an indication he had no idea who I am.

He might be deliberately trying to avoid it.

After 7 months I would expect something but I would also be giving something. I would not determine whether I carried on seeing someone based on if I had received a gift today. He probably has no idea yiu feel.like this. Perhaps he is wondering about the lack of message or gift from u.

He did the same on my birthday the week before so I think I probably still have that at the back of my mind.

Oh dear. I can understand you feeling peeved.

7 months of dating and no acknowledgement of birthday or valentines is weird to me...

That’s just nuts!

You let him ignore your birthday - your birthday but would consider ending it because he ignored sone stupid commercial crap that plenty of people think is nonsense.

Tip: if after 7 months your “testing” commitment, this is not a good relationship.

Not everyone believes in Valentine’s Day and I guess if you didn’t acknowledge it maybe he thought it was fair enough for him to ignore it too. Him not acknowledging your birthday is really mean though. No excuse for that imo.

I can't imagine dating someone for 7 months and still not consider myself committed. Why are you wasting each others time? Why don't you feel comfortable enough to suggest a proper relationship?

When you say ‘you arent committed’

What does that mean?

Friends with benefits? Text everyday?

This, given the context of your birthday. What’s in this non-relationship for you?

can't imagine dating someone for 7 months and still not consider myself committed. Why are you wasting each others time? Why don't you feel comfortable enough to suggest a proper relationship

You're right. All the signs are there. It is not how I expected this to end up as, not sure how I fell into this. I feel speaking to him would be pointless as he knows how I feel but kinda brushes it off.

Oh, I cannot lie, I'd be disappointed by this. Does he normally get in touch daily? If so then he has actively avoided St Valentine's, which is a bit miserable really.

Crikey, that is particularly shit.

“I feel speaking to him would be pointless as he knows how I feel but kinda brushes it off.”

Have a proper think about why you found that acceptable even before today.

Ignoring both means he's not serious about this which his refusal to allow a proper relationship supports.

Basically the writing is all there when you're ready to read it

If you had had the chat then it would be different but you have described it as “not at the commitment stage” so I think it’s fair enough not to acknowledge V day. But granted ignoring your birthday is a bit rubbish.

If you want it to be more serious (and it seems you do?!) then bring it up with him and see what he says.

How old are you both @Bringinthetea? I have known some couples (in their 20s) that took a really long time - months and months to have the commitment conversation.

ignoring Valentine’s Day isn’t definitive, as others have said. But ignoring your birthday (if he definitely knew - did he?) probably is.

did you make it clear you wanted to celebrate your birthday with him?

if you are young, outside chance he’s waiting for you to make it clear, and wondering if you’ve not said how you wanted to celebrate your birthday with him, maybe you’re not committed.

i had a string of relationships in my 20s where they barely acknowledged my birthday, and (as I then did something creative with regular public moments) not one of them ever showed up to one of those to support me. It happened so often I started to overlook it.

but the man who is now my husband is the only one who ever showed up at one of those for me. And he did it in style.

it was my birthday leas than two months after we met which is an awkward point.

But I knew he was into me, so I told him what I’d like to do, and he delivered on that.

final thing - if he DOES say he’s into you and wants commitment after this, you have one shot to tell him clearly birthdays matter to you and you expect XYZ from your boyfriend.

don’t be one of those posters on here complaining after years ‘he never does anything for my birthday’. It never gets better than what they’ll do for you at the start.

Ignoring your birthday is unacceptable. 7 months is not newish really, even after 2-3 months I would expect something (at least a card and a box of chocs) for a birthday. Time to move on.

This 💯