Do very wealthy people realise how fortunate they are?

[Nevergetflowers]

I know money doesn’t necessarily make you happy (it helps though!) but do very wealthy people appreciate/acknowledge how very fortunate they are, or do they take it for granted?
I live in a very expensive area (we just have a nice, but *Normal house) I tutor children often in multi million pound properties, stunning sea views, huge pools etc (I’m abroad)
At the weekend I went to a new place, it was incredible, the interior, views etc, I said to the parent ‘Wow, incredible house, so lovely’ in a nice way and he genuinely looked confused/surprised and then smiled and thanked me, a bit surprised as if ‘Oh yes, it is I suppose’
The people are often nice, but in all honesty, rarely look happy and tend to complain a lot. How can you not appreciate it all, when compared to the average persons stress & struggles (especially at the moment) and having all that beauty around you 🤷🏻‍♀️

I work in an industry full of privileged people who mostly went to private school, had lovely lifestyles growing up etc. What I find is while some pay lip service to real world problems they do struggle to relate and while may have it all, actually they aren't very happy. They expect alot from themselves, they put alot of pressure on themselves, nothing is enough, always comparing themselves, always wanting bigger and better which leads to more stress. I personally don't think anyone can understand how lucky they are in any way if they have it easy. Hard times make you appreciate things more deeply.

This! My ExDP's daughter had a very privileged upbringing, private schools, everything paid for as a student so no debt, has travelled extensively (far more than most adults) and will go on multiple trips per year (she is still a student) including £1000+ mini trips, generous monthly allowance, no expectation on her to work or earn her own money during the university holidays etc. Daddy pays for absolutely everything: driving lessons, car, ski trip, accommodation, safari, spa days, etc.
Having only mixed with children of a similar background growing up, she has now as a university student chosen to only socialise and live with other students from the same sort of backgrounds. Last time I saw her, she was discussing which restaurants she liked (I'm talking high end) and it transpired her monthly allowance was more than I earned as a public sector worker.
She was a nice enough girl but in my opinion, her parents had failed her by providing her with everything on a plate.
Her father and I are no longer together, in part because the difference in our financial backgrounds was too big as well as how we brought our respective DC up.

To be fair, do any of us?

Most of us will be leading lives far easier than the majority of people on the planet and yet our daily struggles distract us and we rarely recognise how incredibly lucky we are.

They are just a different level of lucky but lots of 'normal' people have more in common with the super rich than they do with the world's super poor. It just doesn't always feel that way

www.theguardian.com/science/2010/sep/06/earnings-pay-happiness-research

I think this is it. $75000 converted to £50k for this article, £46k in the one I read.

Obviously it will depend where you live how far $75k goes but it's not a fortune.

I’ve found that even the middle classes have no sense of scale about this. I live in a nice area, leafy suburb, a lot of kids privately educated. I got divorced and my exh often wouldn’t pay child support and I didn’t make much on my job (he did, he just didn’t prioritize the kids). If I’d ever say that things were a bit tight people who knew my work didn’t pay well and knew my exh would still say “oh me too!” and I’d think “really? With your two incomes that are treble mine and your constant holidays abroad?” I don’t go to people on benefits and expect sympathy, why do the middle classes (and socially I’ve always been middle class) do this?

So it’s not just the rich who don’t realise what they’ve got.

I grew up with very well off parents and it’s had huge advantages, im very aware how lucky I am and how easy it’s made even the rough patches of life. However I don’t think i realised until I was an adult that comparatively I was very lucky.

I have a few friends who have tens of millions to their name and they are aware that yes they have have worked hard but luck definitely comes into play too.

Yes. The headteacher at my school is like this. She earns c. £80k which is 3 times what a third of the staff earn. She knows this, but still thinks £10 contribution for charity events or having to come up with a themed fancy dress costume is perfectly reasonable and affordable for everyone.

True she's not "rich" but she's in a much better place than most and she does know the figures, but doesn't seem to understand what that means for daily lives.

It's all relative. We on MN are lucky. We have running water, free healthcare if in the UK, access to PC or phone and, apart from what is hopefully a small number who need to use food banks, enough to eat. Our children get free education until 18. A lot of us wouldn't class ourselves as well off, but a lot of the world would.

Also, rich people may have more money, but lots of them have bigger debts. Somebody on 200k with a mortgage on a very desirable property will struggle to keep their home if they lose their job, same as anybody else. Although they will hopefully have something saved to fall back on.

I am wealthy due to my parents. I have a large house, garden, cars, have never struggled, didn't leave university with any debts, had my rent paid for me, house bought for me.

I know how lucky I am and know that I'm privileged. I now pay for myself but am also aware I have the advantage of no mortgage only because my parents' investment in that first house. If you complemented me on my house I'd seem the same, surprised and a bit offhand. Doesn't mean I don't know how lucky I am. But I do see the flaws in my life, the maintenance that needs doing on the house, the bills that need paying by me. I would also not say " yes it is a wonderful house" because I don't want anyone to think I'm selfish, snooty or ungrateful.

Surely the same can be said for the majority of the people in the UK? If you have a roof over your head, food on the table, access to schools, and access to healthcare you are luckier than a lot of the world's population. Do we all know how lucky we are?

I had 2 professional parents living in a mostly working class area.

I remember, when very young (young primary school age), saying to my dad something like "aren't we lucky to be higher class than xyz"?

What I meant was, we've got a bigger house and a nicer car. I meant money and was expressing gratitude. I had no concept of class. Anyway, I remember he absolutely tore into me (verbally) about how we were no better than anyone else. So some of them know. I suppose like anything else, people are different.

Yes I agree - we're not wealthy but comfortable and I make sure I 'check myself' regularly realising we're in a more privileged position than many. I have wealthy friends who regularly flaunt on social media and I wonder if they realise how obnoxious they come across as. Now is a real treat with lots of half term trips to the Maldives, Dubai etc...I get that it's nice to share good news but a smattering of humility and privilege acceptance would be nice now and again!

I am sure you didn't offend him op. I expect he was trying to play it down and avoid being seen to be bragging.

Wealthy people take what they have for granted like everybody else does. Lots of people would be envious of your home or lifestyle, but it is normal to you and you might be surprised if they said it. He will have his own worries too, they'll just be different to yours or mine.

Not sure what you class as v wealthy. But DP and I have been gifted over £1million so we're likely what you think of.

Yes we know we're lucky and are extremely grateful. We donate to charities. We know we're not the norm. Especially me as I went to a Northern comp and the money came from his side.

I was reading a blog on this a while ago. When you buy a new car for instance the happiness of driving it only lasts maximum 1-2 weeks then you could be driving any car it doesn’t matter as all it does is drive you to where your going.
Material possessions do not bring happiness long term it’s very short lived.
Im not rich by any means but last hear I got my dream car and was elated for a bit I always drove sheds before but it didn’t last long.
Now I’m to fussed about the car 🤔
Millionaires get depression makes no difference.
The happiness of living in that great house will last only a short while.

Its an awkward thing to say, what did you expect him to reply? I don't think they don't realise it, I also tutor and in my experience they do. However if you enter someone's house and comment on how amazing it is, you're making it pretty obvious you don't come from that life so they're not going to start bragging about how amazing it is. Most rich people I've met aren't like that. You probably think they moan because they want to alleviate the awk imbalance a bit. Down play it a bit.
I highly doubt anyone, even the awful rich people, aren't aware of how privileged they are.
Some of the nastiest kids I've tutored have been in poor families. I don't agree with this generalisation and hatred of wealthy people on here. You wouldn't get away with posting this about poor people.

One on my FB does this but heard she’s knee deep in debt on the gossip but i honestly tire of her constant holidays her cars her pics of her kids going to Disney for their birthday starts to grate and I know other people feel the same.

I'm sure she'll be very happy. Of course she hasn't been failed. She might be spoilt, but if she only mixes with other rich people she'll be fine. Unless you are saying rich people can't be nice. Do you mean she may not be very resilient? Perhaps, but the very rich people I know all seem very happy, as long as they are healthy, like most people.

I consider myself wealthy, although I am far from a millionaire. I certainly know I am lucky and am definitely conscious of it when talking to people who haven't been given as much as me.

But at a certain point, your life is just... your life. You don't necessarily think about how beautiful your house is all the time, so a compliment can still catch you off guard if you're thinking about something else. Sometimes it can be a bit awkward, depending on the wording/context, and you don't necessarily respond perfectly in the moment.

The rich person doesn't have to put on a show or display of false or intensified humility to keep people (they are paying to do a job) happy, and to stave off their judgment.

Many rich people have worked their backsides off and continue to do so, to maintain their lifestyle.

An expectation of forced humility can be annoying, and many jealous people will nit pick over and comment from the wealthy person on their private lifestyle choices.

Many poor people also work their backsides off, just that the jobs they do pay badly or are minimum wage.

most of us are incredibly wealthy and dont really realise how fortunate we are. Ive lived without clean drinking water and toilets, and cant believe how many people take these things totally for granted, and just dont realise how incredibly blessed they are to have them, in fact, get quite sarky at having it mentioned!

I find whenever someone wealthy posts on MN, or at least someone who tells you they are wealthy, they always complain about how they do not have as much money as everyone thinks, how hard it is to keep up the lifestyle. I always think they sound like total whingers. I mean get a grip mate.

It's definitely all relative!
When I was at school, we had some exchange students from a school in a very impoverished part of Mauritius visit us and they spent ages just turning the taps on and off because it was such a novelty!
For you and me, that's just normal and not luxurious at all, but to them it was incredible.