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AIBU?

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Original poster

What Maura Higgins looks for in a man: someone who will "intimidate" her

42 replies

TrishM80 · 13/02/2023 09:02

"I quite like a guy who’s intimidating. A lot of guys bow down to me and I get the ick. They have to put me in my place, but they have to respect me. Mammy always brings this up, why do you want to be intimidated/’ and I say, I don’t know, it’s just ooooooh!’"

With male violence against women still an ongoing problem, AIBU to find Maura Higgins' comments utterly depressing? She's an influential figure amongst teenage girls and young women, and here she is espousing the virtues of dating potentially violent thugs.

OP posts:
mainsfed · 13/02/2023 09:03

YANBU. She's an idiot.

VainAbigail · 13/02/2023 09:05

I’d be very concerned if my daughter thought this woman’s way.

Mumsanetta · 13/02/2023 09:08

I think she has used a poor choice of words but it’s not difficult to get past that and get to the heart of what she is saying. Which is that she prefers a man who is able to stand his ground with her.

The fight against male violence is an important one and I think it gets derailed when we pick on other women like this rather than trying to encourage them to use different language to better express how they feel.

AnyFucker · 13/02/2023 09:09

Who is she ?

itsallgonepetetongagain · 13/02/2023 09:10

Mumsanetta · 13/02/2023 09:08

I think she has used a poor choice of words but it’s not difficult to get past that and get to the heart of what she is saying. Which is that she prefers a man who is able to stand his ground with her.

The fight against male violence is an important one and I think it gets derailed when we pick on other women like this rather than trying to encourage them to use different language to better express how they feel.

Well said

Notbeinfunnehbut · 13/02/2023 09:13

I don’t think that’s what’s she saying,

shes very turned off by men fawning over her and possibly constant objectification and makes them very wet and unappealing
she wants someone who is more cool and aloof and isn’t as impressed by her,
i could be totally wrong but that’s what I read into that albeit worded poorly.

Dijoduo · 13/02/2023 09:14

Mumsanetta · 13/02/2023 09:08

I think she has used a poor choice of words but it’s not difficult to get past that and get to the heart of what she is saying. Which is that she prefers a man who is able to stand his ground with her.

The fight against male violence is an important one and I think it gets derailed when we pick on other women like this rather than trying to encourage them to use different language to better express how they feel.

Absolutely this. At no point did she say she wants a man who is aggressive, violent or abusive - OP has imagined that and falsely accused her of saying that.

Daizie · 13/02/2023 09:16

Nothing about violence or abuse in her comment. She wants a man who knows himself, who is firm in his decisions and doesn't just bow down to everything she says.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 13/02/2023 09:18

Never heard of her. She sounds like an idiot based on this but who knows? Otherwise sensible people often say stupid things at times.

Chickenly · 13/02/2023 09:18

As PP have said, she could’ve worded it better to avoid confusion but, to be frank, I don’t believe for a second that OP is genuinely confused by her wording at all. It’s very clear that she’s saying she wants a man who isn’t submissive to her, which is fair enough. Equating that to violence is actually very insulting to the entire concept of domestic violence and abuse in general. Personally, I think OP’s attempt to whip up a frenzy at the expense of victims of abuse by inventing things is far more offensive than a woman stating her personal preferences for a partner.

Quveas · 13/02/2023 09:20

AnyFucker · 13/02/2023 09:09

Who is she ?

My thought entirely!

WeWereInParis · 13/02/2023 09:22

I think it sounds like she doesn't know what intimidating means.

Xrays · 13/02/2023 09:23

She’s an idiot.

There are far nicer, more balanced individuals to come out of Love Island that are doing very well for themselves - Zara McDermott and Molly Mae (Zara particularly has been making documentaries with the bbc, some of them very thought provoking and aimed at younger people’s difficulties, I have watched them and found them very interesting- she’s currently working on more, shooting them herself) and Maura is just trying to stay relevant. She should know better than to say these things.

Anoisagusaris · 13/02/2023 09:27

I saw that interview with her (much to my shame 🙈). She also loves Fifty Shades of Grey. She is clearly a bit dim. She is also ruining her face with fillers.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 13/02/2023 09:27

I don't know who she is, but - it's a stupid word to use which doesn't mean what she appears to think it means.
If the word is taken as it's actual real meaning then it's a very stupid and problematic thing to say when you are in an influential position to the young (assuming pp are correct that she is).
I don't think there's any problem in pulling her up on her choice of word. If she doesn't actually mean intimidating then she shouldn't say it. If she does, then it absolutely does have abusive overtones.

Paperexcelandpens · 13/02/2023 09:27

Mumsanetta · 13/02/2023 09:08

I think she has used a poor choice of words but it’s not difficult to get past that and get to the heart of what she is saying. Which is that she prefers a man who is able to stand his ground with her.

The fight against male violence is an important one and I think it gets derailed when we pick on other women like this rather than trying to encourage them to use different language to better express how they feel.

I agree with this.

Original poster
TrishM80 · 13/02/2023 09:36

Oh, so when she says she wants to be intimidated by a man, she doesn't really mean it?

Then why say it?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/02/2023 09:37

Oh, right. She is a bit stupid then.

Why on earth do we give these dolts a platform ???

Catspyjamas17 · 13/02/2023 09:43

YANBU. I thought this when I was younger though- probably as we were fed this crap all the time in TV and romantic fiction in the 1980s. Though actually managed to avoid intimidating men in relationships, or at least they avoided me.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 13/02/2023 09:53

I think she means arrogant,self-confident rather than intimidating.
Poor choice of words.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 13/02/2023 10:06

Why do the thickest bints end up famous??

maddy68 · 13/02/2023 10:52

Some people are into domination and others into submission. If that's what whes into then why does it bother you ?

Original poster
TrishM80 · 13/02/2023 11:36

maddy68 · 13/02/2023 10:52

Some people are into domination and others into submission. If that's what whes into then why does it bother you ?

Because it feeds into the dangerous stereotype that women enjoy the "whiff" of danger in a relationship. And it adds credence to abusive creeps who justify using said "intimidation" in relationships: "women facking love it, mate!"

OP posts:
xJoy · 13/02/2023 11:37

That is depressing.

Thesearmsofmine · 13/02/2023 11:42

Mumsanetta · 13/02/2023 09:08

I think she has used a poor choice of words but it’s not difficult to get past that and get to the heart of what she is saying. Which is that she prefers a man who is able to stand his ground with her.

The fight against male violence is an important one and I think it gets derailed when we pick on other women like this rather than trying to encourage them to use different language to better express how they feel.

This ^

She isn’t saying she wants someone to be abusive or violent. She is saying she wants a strong partner.