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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Arrived home, dh barely glanced away from the telly

47 replies

Movingstressangst · 12/02/2023 18:47

I've been away for the weekend. Dh has had friends over. Got back in and he paused TV briefly to say hello then restarted what he was watching. Over half an hour of an episode left (he knew when I was getting back). No interest in having a conversation. Would your partners do this? Not sure if I'm just being needy?? I was looking forward to seeing him and catching up.

He also didn't meet me at the station (I'm in my third trimester and it was half an hour walk home with bags). I could have asked him though. But I'd like to not have to ask 😞. I know I have warped expectations because my dad always goes ridiculously out of his way to 'look after' my mum (I do like though that me and DH have a far more gender balanced relationship).

Feel sad but genuinely not sure if iabu.

OP posts:

blitzen · 12/02/2023 18:50

YANBU

He should have met you at the station (and he shouldn't have to be asked)

rothbury · 12/02/2023 18:50

I wouldn’t mind the welcome home thing if he has friends round, but I don’t understand why you had to walk back from station heavily pregnant with bags?

Do you live somewhere that doesn’t have a decent taxi service? If so, he should have collected you.

You say you didn’t ask him, why is that?

piedbeauty · 12/02/2023 18:50

If you wanted him to meet you, you should have asked. But my h would have offered without me having to ask, so I get you. But if things like this are important to you, tell him. And ask him to switch off the tv to talk to you!

Coffeellama · 12/02/2023 18:54

Is this new behaviour?

Original poster

Movingstressangst · 12/02/2023 18:54

The friends had gone home. But I mentioned it because it does explain why he might not feel chatty. I'm tired from socialising all weekend too.

OP posts:

Hbh17 · 12/02/2023 18:54

If he has friends round, then you can't expect him to neglect his guests. Can't see that this is a big deal especially as - as you say - you are proud to be independent (as you should be).

Tohaveandtohold · 12/02/2023 18:59

If I was coming home from a time with friends, dh would have expected me to get a taxi from
the train station and I would have expected him to do the same as the other person will be at home with the kids and we won’t want to bother asking them to get everyone in the car, etc for that. If I wasn’t planning on taking the taxi for one reason or the other, I would have told him to
come and pick me up.
As for the cold reception when you came home, tell him that’s not on, he could have paused the TV to talk to you if you were up to it

Highfivemum · 12/02/2023 19:08

I would be gutted. My DH wouldn’t have allowed me on the train in last half of pregnancy and would have picked me up.
need a chat with him

Getir · 12/02/2023 19:09

Highfivemum · 12/02/2023 19:08

I would be gutted. My DH wouldn’t have allowed me on the train in last half of pregnancy and would have picked me up.
need a chat with him

He wouldn't have allowed you on a train?

Getir · 12/02/2023 19:11

You could have got a cab from the station, although a lift would have been nice. I wouldn't be that bothered about him watching TV though.

Shoxfordian · 12/02/2023 19:13

Yanbu

He doesn’t seem like someone who missed you or cares much

jacult · 12/02/2023 19:14

Getir · 12/02/2023 19:09

He wouldn't have allowed you on a train?

Show quote history

Yes that’s quite concerning!!

Hankunamatata · 12/02/2023 19:17

I would have got a taxi home or rang dh to collect me from the station. Totally fine he wants to finish his tv show.
I'm perfectly capable women who can make my own plans and decisions, don't need cosseted by dh.

ExtraOnions · 12/02/2023 19:20

If you wanted him to pick you up, just ask … “I’ll get back at x time, can you pick me up” - you are an adult, in an adult relationship, learn to express your needs as nobody is a mind reader.

As for your dad “going out of his way” to “look after” your mum, is she not a functioning adult able to look after herself? I would hate it if my husband took it upon himself to “look after” me - I very much like my independence

and yes, it sounds a bit needy that you wanted to immediately talk to him.

housemaus · 12/02/2023 19:21

I do think it's a bit mean that he didn't really engage when you came in.

Is that a regular thing?

I wonder why you didn't ask him to come and meet you at the station - you obviously know you could/should have asked and that he's not a mind reader, but you're hurt anyway. That to me screams of you putting a little test out there for him (and him failing because he didn't know it was a test - use your words!). If he's not very affectionate/doesn't show love how you'd prefer usually I could see why you'd get to a point where you felt you wanted to do that.

Maybe I'm misreading it and this is a one off and he's usually very thoughtful, in which case - YABU, if you want him to do something like that, ask!

Leirvassbu · 12/02/2023 19:23

He doesn't care very much, sorry.
He could have paused the TV for a bit longer and asked you about your weekend and you could have asked him if he'd had a good time with his friends.

Do you have a car? He could have picked you up from the station. I think he is thoughtless and doesn't care very much if he doesn't seem concerned about his pregnant wife walking home with bags.
What would have happened if you had asked him to meet you/pick you up? Would he have come or would he have made a fuss?

Hydie · 12/02/2023 19:24

Does he drive?

Aquamarine1029 · 12/02/2023 19:24

He also didn't meet me at the station (I'm in my third trimester and it was half an hour walk home with bags). I could have asked him though. But I'd like to not have to ask 😞.

That's absolutely fucking appalling. My husband would meet me, pregnant or not, and I would never have to ask. He greets me at the door every day when I come home from work.

EmmaDilemma5 · 12/02/2023 19:26

YANBU given you're heavily pregnant.

If you weren't, I think YABU.

beautifulpaintings · 12/02/2023 19:31

Hbh17 · 12/02/2023 18:54

If he has friends round, then you can't expect him to neglect his guests. Can't see that this is a big deal especially as - as you say - you are proud to be independent (as you should be).

It's totally shite to know when your heavily pregnant wife is arriving home on the train with her bags, and happily parking your arse in front of Netflix while you know she is having to schlep half an hour home on foot. I mean, cmon!!

OP you certainly shouldn't have to ask. And after all that he can't be bothered with more than a glance and a hello. It's a no from me...

Thepossibility · 12/02/2023 19:31

My DH would never let me walk home from the station pregnant with bags while he was just sitting at home!
He would have made it his priority to be there waiting for he with the car.
I'd be disappointed.

Thepossibility · 12/02/2023 19:32

Aquamarine1029 · 12/02/2023 19:24

He also didn't meet me at the station (I'm in my third trimester and it was half an hour walk home with bags). I could have asked him though. But I'd like to not have to ask 😞.

That's absolutely fucking appalling. My husband would meet me, pregnant or not, and I would never have to ask. He greets me at the door every day when I come home from work.

I agree with this actually. My DH would (and does) get me even if I wasn't pregnant.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 12/02/2023 19:35

I'm torn here.

I think he should have offered you a lift but equally I do think it's a bit daft that you chose to struggle home alone instead of just asking him for a lift.

I wouldn't mind about the TV thing unless I had to tell him something really important.

Logburnerperils · 12/02/2023 19:37

Lots of people going to say "i am independent and dont need no man to pick me up" but in the real world, yes I would have picked my heavily pregnant wife up and yes I would have paused the TV to have a chat.

OldFan · 12/02/2023 19:45

You shouldn't have to ask for him to offer to pick you up. It's not about sexism, but helping a partner out, esp if she's pregnant and will be probably more knackered or appreciate help.

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