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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Life is too expensive and not enjoyable.

391 replies

buildingourdreams · 12/02/2023 15:49

I am only 26 years old and I am tired

H and I both earn okay money both work ft and I sometimes do part time work too

We've 2 boys under 7 and After rent bills and food and petrol we have not a penny .
This is with our parents helping with childcare we don't even have to pay childcare for the boys thankfully 🙏

We Can't go on holiday. Can't even have a takeaway or my nails done

We rent and Can't save for a house to buy don't get any benefits other than the basic Cb about £200 month. (And I don't expect or want handouts anyway)

Is this our life now ? Don't tell me to get a better job as I might do as I get older but this is not the point I'm making . If someone works full time they should be able to afford a few treats in life and specially with 2 incomes!

I worry constantly that we are failing our kids and should I even have had them? And also Like, what will even become of people like us when we're old ?

OP posts:
puppacup · 13/02/2023 07:28

Yes, small businesses change in tough economic climates. Is it fair that all the local grocers and music shops, toy shops and news agents were put out of business by the big evil supermarkets and the despotic Internet? No. But they are gone, lots of people lost their jobs and society moved on. Where are all the little computer shops now? Where is C&A and Debenhams and all those big clothes stores? Is it fair that slave labour in foreign countries put more responsible clothing firms out of business. No. But that’s what the British people wanted. Did they care about all the lost jobs in the UK and all the starving children making their clothes for them in sweatshops in Bangladesh? No. So long as they get what they want they couldn’t give a F who suffers.

I do think you have a point here, many in society want cheap, unfortunately that then has a wider impact.

Everexpanding · 13/02/2023 07:44

Yes, small businesses change in tough economic climates. Is it fair that all the local grocers and music shops, toy shops and news agents were put out of business by the big evil supermarkets and the despotic Internet? No. But they are gone, lots of people lost their jobs and society moved on. Where are all the little computer shops now? Where is C&A and Debenhams and all those big clothes stores? Is it fair that slave labour in foreign countries put more responsible clothing firms out of business. No. But that’s what the British people wanted. Did they care about all the lost jobs in the UK and all the starving children making their clothes for them in sweatshops in Bangladesh? No. So long as they get what they want they couldn’t give a F who suffers.

The world does not stagnate just because some people are rigid in their thinking and unable to transition into a new economic model, and the British people decide which businesses survive and which do not. The British people demand more money and the government prints it. Do they care that it increases the money supply (inflation). No, they couldn’t care less.

Have you looked at Europe? It’s a complete basket case. It has been printing money like nobody’s business, only none of the country’s get to stop the printing presses and arrest inflation unless everyone sits around a table and agrees. So Italy and Greece and Cyprus and Portugal all do exactly what Germany and France tell them to do.

Did you even bother to look at what we (Europe) did to Greece? Yanis Varoufakis, probably one of the most intelligent and forward thinking left wing finance ministers in the past 50 years was decimated by the political machine that is the EU. That had nothing to do with right wing politics. That was big government crushing a forward thinking socialist trying to save his country from economic disaster. And you think the EU is now some kind of Utopia because you didn’t read that part of history or actually understand how the EU government and finances work?

please don’t presume that nobody else reads, yes I did read about Greece no I don’t think it was the EU’s finest hour, the Eu has done many things I disagree with I still think Brexit was a massive act of self harm for Britain, yay to living in a free port?
I think levels of consumption need to reduce and the fact that people ignored where their cheap goods came from has been/ is a problem but I still believe everyone should be able to afford a home, that is a problem that can be fixed by governments.
I know we are living through a huge social upheaval but hoarding of wealth facilitated by governments is not helping

ElliF · 13/02/2023 07:45

Yep. When Covid hit we moved cos we could see the exodus from the cities was going to happen. Like we could see China had locked down an area larger than the whole of Europe, and everyone was like, it’s no big deal. You could see that China was faking its numbers cos they were reporting numbers on a perfect linear projection. Literally wishing about 20:cases every day. And if they were willing to fake something that big, and at the same time build a medical facility bigger and faster than any building project in history, they This was gonna be biblical. We rent, and one of the advantages of renting is mobility, so we just packed up and got the fuck out of the city.

Of course we had to pay double rent for a couple of months, but that is what savings are for. And through lockdown of course we had less income, so we had lucked out on the rent reduction and the no diesel requirement, but back then energy bills were like £75 a month and for us they have more than doubled.

But in current trajectories we could eat up a £200 increase in energy in April, and the 15% or so we’ll see in Council Tax, Mobile Phones, Internet, etc. We have room to cut back on the food budget but that will make things grimy. We’d just go back to food deliveries and cut the fuel bill I suppose.

ElliF · 13/02/2023 07:47

Sorry, above was a response to @puppacup

sjxoxo · 13/02/2023 07:54

hope things get better for you op - you’re not failing your kids but I think you will if you don’t vote. They don’t teach anything about politics in school because they’re happy for you to not vote and keep a Tory government. The tories wouldn’t want everyone to be educated on politics! Have a look at the labour and Liberal Democrats websites.. you owe it to your kids and their future to vote and also for yourself. It’s the one chance we all really have to make our choice. Xx

BlondeBombshelf · 13/02/2023 08:09

We have a joint income of £85k and we always seem to be skint 😢 I just don’t know where it all goes.

ElliF · 13/02/2023 08:34

Everexpanding
I think levels of consumption need to reduce and the fact that people ignored where their cheap goods came from has been/ is a problem but I still believe everyone should be able to afford a home, that is a problem that can be fixed by governments.

I know we are living through a huge social upheaval but hoarding of wealth facilitated by governments is not helping.

Yes, reduced consumption is desirable, but barely 1 in 10 would ever even consider doing that as a chosen lifestyle before they have a crisis. They won’t work out where the crises are likely to occur, they don’t see the benefit of planning ahead, and they sure as hell don’t see the benefit of having, for example, wool blankets in a house. We don’t run our heating most of the time. We sit under wool blankets and have wool blankets over the duvet on our beds. I literally don’t know anyone in our extended family or friends who doesn’t think it’s weird that we save money and use wool blankets. Their attitude is why wouldn’t you just blow the money on ramping up your heating if you’re not yet hand to mouth and worrying? I’m like, because I’m saving and I want a house with a garden so I can grow food, and next month or next year I might be living hand to mouth. They just didn’t understand why I live a frugal lifestyle when DH earns £44K. Why don’t you get a new car? It’s embarrassing. Cos it’d take £8K out of my house deposit, or it would add a £350 a month bill to my budget that I don’t already have. That’s why.

You cannot stop people with money from saving it and investing it. They do it because it is a natural human instinct. They are good at it because mommy and daddy taught them to do it. They were taught how businesses work, how governments work, how societies evolve, how influence operates is the real world and how to see it in the changing world their kids witness in the news.

Its a different world view as far as I can tell. They are an insular people who only seem to trust their own kind.

Now, the fact that every single society in the world operates the exact same way, even the ‘socialist ones’. And that every single governmental structure in history has always operated on the same structure to one degree or other, kings and courts, apparatchiks, dictatorships and their counsels, activist groups and their inner circles, boards and their board members, councils and their council members, school boards, housing associations, all of them. You cannot change the way humans have always chosen to arrange themselves.

You can spend your life trying, and if you succeed like Tony Blair or Gordon Brown, you’ll make money and join the party and realise it’s better to make your life better and shore up the future of your children than try to fix anything. The whole fixing anything is just BS that is fed the masses to keep them squabbling why those who understand go one and work together for their way of the world.

The people in the UK could get together en mass and solve problems that they wanted to solve is short order. But you cannot get people to agree and do anything, because they have their own lives and their own agendas, and none of it is important in the grand scheme of things.

If everyone in the UK made it clear they would not work a single day more until energy prices were rolled back to 2015 prices, and that they would starve, and feed eachother and share, and care for one another, but they would not do a single days work in any industry at all until it happened, laws would be written and the mechanisms would be put in place, and it would happen.

Would people ever choose of their own free will to heal support one another? Would they F. Would they ever get together en mass and do as they are told because they were told a scare story about a superbug, and the government were handing out free cash to sit in your arse. Damn right they will. Gimme some of that.

Fear and greed always win out at every single level of society. It’s has always been thus, and always will be, for we are humans, and we know more about the human psyche and how to nudge it than we know about anything else.

Theres a major food crisis in the world, everywhere. Why not ramp up food production? But the response by the people of the world is to reduce food production as hard and as fast as possible? And why? Because they fear the Police will come and cease their farms and because they would rather take the free windfall cash handouts (bribes) to walk away?

Not 1 in 100 actually care about anything other than their own family if it inconveniences then to do so. I’m just honest enough to admit it.

Testina · 13/02/2023 08:36

BlondeBombshelf · 13/02/2023 08:09

We have a joint income of £85k and we always seem to be skint 😢 I just don’t know where it all goes.

Well that’s why you’re skint: because you don’t know where it all goes 🤷🏻‍♀️
Learn to budget.

ElliF · 13/02/2023 08:42

BlondeBombshelf · 13/02/2023 08:09

We have a joint income of £85k and we always seem to be skint 😢 I just don’t know where it all goes.

Yes, you know where it all goes. You spend it. And you know what you spend it on because you have bank statements. It’s just doesn’t interest you if you’re honest with yourself.

But here’s the thing...

I assume you have savings because anyone in that income bracket has easy access to savings within their budget. And I assume you’re sorted if the BoE base rate rises to 10%, as it must do to stem inflation or we are all truly in a world of pain. And I assume you have already worked out what happens if you lose your primary income stream. Because most people on £45K a year have the ability to walk into another job without any trouble.

so you’re better off than most and more capable than most to handling a crisis, and whilst it is flippant to say you feel skint and you don’t know where all your money goes, the reality is that is far from the truth.

ElliF · 13/02/2023 08:44

Testina · 13/02/2023 08:36

Well that’s why you’re skint: because you don’t know where it all goes 🤷🏻‍♀️
Learn to budget.

Everyone knows how to budget. They just can’t be bothered. DD knows how to budget and she’s 8.

Olive180 · 13/02/2023 08:56

It makes me sad that you're only 26 and feel this way. I'm so sorry for your generation, it's shit.

I'm 35 and have been thinking this recently. How I'm tired and fed up - society makes you think thst by my age, with an established career and no kids, I should be comfortable and loving life. But I'm not. Every day is hard and anxious. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed myself.

Don't question whether having kids was right because I'm sure it was the right thing for you, but I'm definitely coming to the conclusion that having kids is not affordable for me, which is an insane decision to make in the UK in 2023.

WheelOfFish · 13/02/2023 09:50

ElliF · 12/02/2023 23:49

Im not sticking up for a system. I’m acknowledging that it exists and pointing out that you don’t understand it. No amount of schoolgirl politics will change what has already occurred, or what the results will be. The system is indeed failing. We cannot do anything to prevent it. We do not get to make the decisions necessary to change the big picture, and neither do our elected officials. The best that I can do is read, learn, analyse, understand and predict the likely coming events and do my best to protect my family and those around me. Capitalism is failing as a result of greed. Socialism has never succeeded anywhere on the planet and killed hundreds of millions of people under the guise of equality and redistribution.

The world is changing Andy it is going to be turbulent and painful for most of us. We have no home, no pensions, and one income. We are not in the best of health. I imagine we’re in a similar boat to many people and a good bit worse off than many more.

But I’m not going to play schoolyard, I’ll informed finger pointing politics at imagined demons and say it’s their fault because I’m not an idiot, and it does not solve any problems, benefit me or my family, get me a house or ensure that DH has a job next year.

I prefer to live in the real world and avoid believing whatever it is your telly or your newspaper is telling you to believe.

Fine. You totally have me and my knowledge of politics figured out based on a couple of sentences on mumsnet. A shame really because it seems I agree with almost everything you've just said, but, what with me being an idiot, I guess that doesn't count for much.

kitcat15 · 13/02/2023 10:37

puppacup · 13/02/2023 07:24

@ElliF you make your money work hard but I have to say your rent is incredibly cheap. I paid £500 a month for a house share at uni 20 years ago. Do you live in a very cheap part of the country?

Social housing for 2 beds is still under £400 ( about 380 ish) in my neck of the woods

kitcat15 · 13/02/2023 10:39

BlondeBombshelf · 13/02/2023 08:09

We have a joint income of £85k and we always seem to be skint 😢 I just don’t know where it all goes.

of course you know where it goes….you have bank statements…..pathetic 🙄

ElliF · 13/02/2023 10:45

Olive180 · 13/02/2023 08:56

It makes me sad that you're only 26 and feel this way. I'm so sorry for your generation, it's shit.

I'm 35 and have been thinking this recently. How I'm tired and fed up - society makes you think thst by my age, with an established career and no kids, I should be comfortable and loving life. But I'm not. Every day is hard and anxious. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed myself.

Don't question whether having kids was right because I'm sure it was the right thing for you, but I'm definitely coming to the conclusion that having kids is not affordable for me, which is an insane decision to make in the UK in 2023.

But there is a difference between an established career as a cleaner and an established career as a dentist. You can’t use ‘established career’ as an expectation for a comfortable life. An established cleaner in Essex deserves a completely different lifestyle as an established dentist in Penrith. The choices you make in life dictate your outcomes. We are not ‘entitled’ to anything. You only need to look at all the new hatchbacks and baby SUVs parked outside Starbucks, which is always packed where I live, to see the choices the younger generations are making and the fact that their helicopter parents didn’t explain how money works or the world works to them. If anyone is letting people down it’s their moms and dads.

ElliF · 13/02/2023 10:51

kitcat15 · 13/02/2023 10:37

Social housing for 2 beds is still under £400 ( about 380 ish) in my neck of the woods

But you can’t get social housing unless you earn less than £40K, and I’d guess that anyone over £30K would not choose to live in those neighbourhoods (certainly in my area). But yes, life can cheap if you want it to be. You just need to budget and decide whether cigarettes and Netflix and Fido’s kangachunks are worth struggling for or you’d rather save money and have a safety net and less stress in your life.

Ginmonkeyagain · 13/02/2023 10:52

At 26 I was living in a flat share in London and just about scraping by each month, paying £135 a month on my student loan repayments. I could have no more afforded to support two children than go on a world cruise. I had holidays because I was single and had only me to think about so could make easy cuts to save some money - they were usually fairly cheap weekend city breaks sharing a cheap hotel room or hostel with friends or a weekend away in the UK staying with friends.

Getting established in your twenties sucks.

catfunk · 13/02/2023 10:53

The sad fact is that if people have kids young these days without building financial foundations, it's going to be very very hard.

Hence many couples waiting till late 30s when they're home owners with savings, decent pensions plans and good incomes.

kitcat15 · 13/02/2023 10:55

ElliF · 13/02/2023 10:51

But you can’t get social housing unless you earn less than £40K, and I’d guess that anyone over £30K would not choose to live in those neighbourhoods (certainly in my area). But yes, life can cheap if you want it to be. You just need to budget and decide whether cigarettes and Netflix and Fido’s kangachunks are worth struggling for or you’d rather save money and have a safety net and less stress in your life.

You can where we live…..my nephew earns 50k and still lives in social housing….it’s for life , or as long as you want it

kitcat15 · 13/02/2023 10:57

kitcat15 · 13/02/2023 10:55

You can where we live…..my nephew earns 50k and still lives in social housing….it’s for life , or as long as you want it

scocial housing is not in a ‘neighbourhood’ 🙄….it’s in every part of town…..a percentage of all new build areas include social housing…..My Dd lived in a 2 bed in a lovely estate of 2 , 3 and 4 bed homes…..she moved in when it was 2 years old

Tessasanderson · 13/02/2023 11:02

Start enjoying the good things you already have. I can afford nice holidays, a nice car, pizzas every night if i want to but they dont get close to the happiness i would get from

Healthy family
Loving partner
Happy children
Roof over our head
Food on the table
Money coming in

The rest is just crap that society thinks we should have. This weekend the best time i had was sat at the dinner table whilst my partner and kids sat laughing, chatting and eating.

I couldnt really give a shit about the other stuff. We drive a 10 year old car. We havent had a family holiday in 5 years and i havent had takeaway pizza for 12 months.

Ladyofthesea · 13/02/2023 11:03

midgemadgemodge · 12/02/2023 16:49

It's much worse because

Our economy is doing worse than it should (brexit )

There is a war almost in Europe.
And climate is changing which is making things less secure

Our elite have been moving society towards a 2 tier society - the rich and everyone else so that what money is available isn't being shared as evenly as in the past

Almost in Europe? Both Ukraine and Russia are in Europe. I live in the middle of Netherlands, Kiev is closer to me than Portugal.

ElliF · 13/02/2023 11:06

Ginmonkeyagain · 13/02/2023 10:52

At 26 I was living in a flat share in London and just about scraping by each month, paying £135 a month on my student loan repayments. I could have no more afforded to support two children than go on a world cruise. I had holidays because I was single and had only me to think about so could make easy cuts to save some money - they were usually fairly cheap weekend city breaks sharing a cheap hotel room or hostel with friends or a weekend away in the UK staying with friends.

Getting established in your twenties sucks.

Well it would be if people limit their thinking to the most expensive place in the country, and deservedly so. It’s personal choice and it sucks when we have to bear the consequences of our choices.

ElliF · 13/02/2023 11:10

kitcat15 · 13/02/2023 10:57

scocial housing is not in a ‘neighbourhood’ 🙄….it’s in every part of town…..a percentage of all new build areas include social housing…..My Dd lived in a 2 bed in a lovely estate of 2 , 3 and 4 bed homes…..she moved in when it was 2 years old

Then she’s lucky. What happens if her or her partner have ambitions to earn more than £40K a year? Or are they planning on playing in subsidised housing for life game now they’ve got their foot in the door?

Ginmonkeyagain · 13/02/2023 11:12

Part of getting established in my twenites was moving to London to take advantage of the many opportunies and higher eages offered by its job market - so dont feel too sorry for me eh?

That was my situation and a choice I own and stand by seeing as 15 years later I have a very good job and am a homeowner. My experience is by no means everyones, but I was using my experience to agree a lot of people in their early and mid twenties can struggle financially because they are still establishing their lives - whether that choice is a pursing career in an expensive city or having a young family.