To have to use my birthday money for bills

[Olive180]

It was my birthday yesterday, I turned 35. A few relatives sent me some birthday money, £100 in total. This will be used to pay off bills. Which makes me really sad. I'm 35 and having to use my birthday money to pay for basic things I can't afford. My gran asked what I'll do with the money and when I told her she said that's not what she sent it for and told me to spend it on a treat instead. Aibu spending it on paying off bills?

For context, I have a partner, no kids. Both of us have 'professional' careers and we rent a flat together. I cant get my head around how we're getting worse and worse off, despite both getting new jobs/salary bumps in the past couple of years and being very careful with money.

YANBU to spend money where it’s needed.
YABU to tell your grandmother that her gift was being used that way.

Another struggling to see how 2 working adults with no children can’t enjoy “bonus” gift money though.

I would add though, if it’s this tight, then you are living hand to mouth it seems with no savings. As such, I’d do a review. Can you rent somewhere cheaper for example. How much do you spend on food, entertaining, socialising, clothes etc do you have debt and is it properly managed

rents will likely continue to climb in many areas, so getting yourself in a secure position now is key

I had to do this one year OP and it was shit to not treat myself sorry you’ve not had a great birthday but I hope the thought of a bit of money off your bill will bring some peace to you

I’m in the same position as you, just had my birthday and spent the money I had generously been gifted on car repairs to get it through its MOT.

Just do it. What's the point in having treats when you can't afford the necessities?

I got given £50 for christmas and whacked it all in my gas acount. Having a warm house for a week was far better than whatever my grandma had hoped I'd buy...

Yes we've had to do this - any birthday money and Christmas money given to myself and DH has gone straight to bills. We have been deliberately vague about what it has been spent on to those who gifted it to us. I will be starting a new job in the next few months that will put us in a much better position financially - and we are feeling very lucky and relieved to be in this position. It's shit OP but it's just not possible at the moment to blow the money on 'treats' when bills have to be paid 😕

I’m also struggling to see how you don’t have enough money to pay bills. You’re 35 with two of you in professional jobs who’ve had salary rises and no kids. Unless you’ve got loans/credit cards or spent excessive money on holidays or cars o can’t see how you wouldn’t have enough.

If I was in your situation I would have told a lie to your Gran when she asked what you were spending your gift money on. What did you gain from telling her the truth.

But no, you’re not unreasonable to spend it on bills if you need to.

I’ve always done this.

I get £100 at Christmas and £100 for my birthday from my dad.

I’m 43 and it’s always gone towards bills since I left home at 16.

I think most of us have used birthday money for essentials at some point, but I would have lied and said we will go out for dinner or something.

As a lot of people are surprised that you can’t afford to keep a bonus £100 out of your bills pot, I searched your posts.

Your boyfriend owns his flat - why say you rent? It’s rare these days that people with high rent pay more than an equivalent mortgage. And you posted about having to spend £300 on your dad’s birthday present, and £600/700 on your mum’s. Perhaps spending less on their birthdays, would mean you can spend your birthday money on yourself?

Some people say “look after the pennies and the pounds look after themselves”. I wonder if in your case, your self-perception is that you’re careful with money because you don’t spend pennies on (say) Starbucks, and you meal plan. But then you spunk £700 in one go on a spa weekend and still think you’re “careful with money”.

Oh well that changes things….

As an adult, birthday money etc just goes into the bank and is absorbed into my account.

My DH always likes to spend his on something he’s had in mind, but I don’t usually bother. It doesn’t worry me at all, but I’m not particularly into birthdays or needing to be spoiled or treated. In some ways, I think it’s a. It immature to feel you need that, like a child needs the attention in their birthday. However, I can see that it’s the situation of being hard-up that perhaps makes you feel like that - it’s sadness at being hard-up and the reality of needing to spend birthday money on bills brings it home to you a bit more, just how hard things are.

I’d agree about doing a really careful assessment if your finances. lol of people with decent salaries have little left at the end of the month or before, due to large numbers of big monthly payments going out - credit cards, car finance, lots of subscriptions, expensive phones etc. Many of these might have you tied in, but some can probably be exited sooner, and certainly you can have an eye to reducing them when you get ot renewal or have a chance.

Is your car on lease or PCP? Are you on the very cheapest available option? Bear in mind that you can get these deals on used cars and they will be cheaper.
Do you have a phone you can run on SIM only deal? Can get those for less than £5 per month with decent data.
Are you living in the cheapest accommodation? Do you have more bedrooms than needed? Could you get a similar size for £100 or £200 less if you accepted something a bit less modern ir in an slightly different area?

Some of these things could save you a couple of hundred per month and make all the difference.

Tell us a bit more about your outgoings and we might be able to help.

Well all good for her to say that but needs must. This is where a white lie could have been used.

I didn't realise that getting birthday and Christmas money was common for adults.

What's your household income and how much is your rent, op?

This is why vouchers are better, in a way. Cash just gets frittered away.

I've done this before. Sometimes my bank account is in such a way that if someone transfers money in it is swallowed but before i have time to spend it. I understand why in my case though

What would you have done if instead of money you had been given gifts?

Vouchers can be a pain because you end up having to top them up to buy something you don’t really want just to use them up. I’ve actually ended up selling vouchers in the past. You don’t get their full value but it’s better than wasting them.

I think if money is tight for someone then sending them money which enables them to pay a bill is actually a really nice gift but unfortunately people don’t always understand that.

It seems like the OP isn’t really living within her means, so that’s something she should work on.

I feel you. Except I’m on my own. Professional senior job until I resigned at Xmas. My position became untenable, as I was being badly bullied.
Let me tell you that my c.£300 a month Jobseeker’s Allowance doesn’t even pay for my mortgage. It’s grim. I’m not entitled to anything else, so living off savings. So, just a warning that it’s probably best to try and pay of anything unsecured, such as car plans, credit cards, etc., so you can have the opportunity to save a bit too; a cushion is so important, if you can find a way to even put £10 a month aside.

Thinking of you - and hope you don’t think I’m being smug by saying savings are important.

I had a twenty pound Amazon gift voucher for Xmas and saved it. Last month I had to use it buy nappies and house stuff. It's so hard when you've already cut back. We were short after unexpected hospital trips and parking. Would I be better off paying £10 a month off my overdraft or saving it? Sorry if it's a really stupid question.

If I need something I will buy it Ie a new coat. If I don't need anything it just goes in the bank. It may go on bills but there will come a time when there's a takeaway or a night out so in a way it covers that.

Probably hoped Gran would give her more next time….