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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have to use my birthday money for bills

65 replies

Olive180 · 12/02/2023 12:09

It was my birthday yesterday, I turned 35. A few relatives sent me some birthday money, £100 in total. This will be used to pay off bills. Which makes me really sad. I'm 35 and having to use my birthday money to pay for basic things I can't afford. My gran asked what I'll do with the money and when I told her she said that's not what she sent it for and told me to spend it on a treat instead. Aibu spending it on paying off bills?

For context, I have a partner, no kids. Both of us have 'professional' careers and we rent a flat together. I cant get my head around how we're getting worse and worse off, despite both getting new jobs/salary bumps in the past couple of years and being very careful with money.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 12/02/2023 12:12

I think you have to do what you have to do. It's things like this though that bring reality crashing onto you sometimes so I don't blame you for feeling sad about it. Your gran will be thinking of you and wanting you to have a treat which is lovely, but a bit of relief from financial pressure (even temporary) is far more important isn't it?

CherLloydbyCherLloyd · 12/02/2023 12:15

That sounds tough, if two professionals with no kids are struggling then it must be bad! Is there any way you can downsize any expenses (cars, renting a smaller flat, etc?) or are you paying out debts?

LadyHarmby · 12/02/2023 12:17

Normal bills like food and electricity?

Or things like credit cards and car loans?

Badbudgeter · 12/02/2023 12:17

Rent and bills are so expensive now that it takes up a big proportion of a salary.

I would take a proportion of the money and do something nice with it. A wander around a free gallery or museum in a beautiful building followed by tea and cake wouldn't cost much but I found it a really uplifting way to spend a Saturday afternoon when I was skint.

funinthesun19 · 12/02/2023 12:18

I currently “owe” myself about £160. I used my birthday and Christmas money to pay for food/bills/necessary stuff for the kids during these expensive past few months. I couldn’t justify leaving it sitting there or spend it on something I wanted while I was struggling to pay for necessities. What’s the point in going cold or hungry when I had some money?
I’ll buy myself things throughout the year to make it up. For all the people who gave me the money know, I’m saving up.

TroysMammy · 12/02/2023 12:20

If you have to use the money for bills but put aside a small monthly amount to enable you to have a birthday great a few months down the line.

I had Christmas and birthday money which is still hanging around. I'm fortunate it doesn't need to go on bills but I don't want to fritter it away on more craft/hobby items so I'm going to put it towards the washing machine I bought yesterday. At least I can say the money was put towards that and not more ribbon, ink pads and suchlike.

TroysMammy · 12/02/2023 12:20

Happy Birthday for yesterday.

Fairyliz · 12/02/2023 12:22

Two professionals working full time? If you are on average salaries of around £30k that’s a household income of over £60k with no kids.
You need to sit down and go through all of your expenses and see where you are spending your money. If you want to post on MN I’m sure there are lots of people who can give advice.

BarbaraofSeville · 12/02/2023 12:26

What's changed that two child free professionals who've had pay rises can't afford basic expenses let alone have money left for extras?

I know food and bills have gone up but surely things aren't that tight?

How much do you earn, what's your rent and do you have any debt?

Ortegaa · 12/02/2023 12:28

Maybe you need to look at your expenses....it doesn't add up that 2 professionals with no kids can't afford the bills!

Hydie · 12/02/2023 12:29

Do your bills include credit cards, loans, expensive cars on finance and so on? It doesn't add up otherwise.

Magenta65 · 12/02/2023 12:34

I don’t think it’s unreasonable. I get birthday and Christmas money from my mother but she isn’t bothered either way how it’s spent, it’s gone towards the car, glasses and then nicer things like clothes and meals when I’m more flush. Don’t feel guilty, if you need £100 for a food shop then spend it, don’t forgo paying a bill for the sake of pleasing someone else. Just lie and say you had a day out or bought a new top etc

Magenta65 · 12/02/2023 12:36

Also people saying 2 professionals being unable to afford bills does add up….it does. Life is expensive. Double income l, no kids and whislt we are managing our bills, any further increases will cripple us. It’s not as simple as moving, giving back cars etc as you still have costs involved with those. My bills in 2 years have gone up almost £1000 when you factor in household bills, food, fuel etc.

Ridingfree · 12/02/2023 12:44

Iv spent birthday and Christmas money in bills many many times. I never told the sender though it would have Made my Nan sad. I just said I would get a treat. It's shit but it is what it is

redskydelight · 12/02/2023 12:50

Isn't it great that you have enough people who care about you to have £100 in birthday money (just putting another spin on it)?

TBH I'm wondering how things can be this tight for a couple in professional jobs with no children, unless you have a lot of debt or similar. It could be worth having a long hard look at your finances - have you overextended yourselves?

xogossipgirlxo · 12/02/2023 12:54

Is this 100 quid for you a lifechanger, despite as you said salary bumps etc? If yes, then you did a right thing. Although I can’t really understand how come, unless you pay 2000 rent and bills are 1000 monthly and both of you are getting salary bump of 20 pounds monthly in new jobs. As you said, you don’t have children, so I don’t get how you can be on breadline, unless you have massive debt

Favouritefruits · 12/02/2023 12:57

Needs must! I usually end up spending my birthday money on Christmas gifts for other people, it’s rubbish but at least I have money to be able to buy gifts. If you need the money for bills you need the money for bills, not point buying a new pair if shoes if you’re just going to stress out on unpaid bills.

BarbaraofSeville · 12/02/2023 13:02

But being in massive debt doesn't line up with 'being very careful with money'.

Even if you're on low professional salaries like £25k each, you'll have close to £3500 coming in each month, and you're unlikely to have agreed to or been approved for more than around £1500 pm rent, after that say £1000 generously for food and bills leaves another £1000 pm for transport and hobbies/leisure, so how is it that you can't keep up with essentials or have money left over for treats?

theoldcatsmells · 12/02/2023 13:03

You just lie to people like that and say you bought a nice pashmina.

In your situation I would consider moving to a cheaper area where even if you home only cost a little less it would likely be larger and the cost of living would be so much lower. I can only think your rent must be really high?

Rent here is about £600/month for a three bed home with a garden. It might be less desirable areas but in a position like yours I'd move somewhere like that to build my salary and save a deposit for somewhere better that you could comfortably afford once you had the bigger salary.

You have to plan this stuff.

You have to tweak things. If you're getting worse off something has to give and cost of living and rent price would be an obvious if not the only choice?

Intrepidescape · 12/02/2023 13:05

I’ve had professional jobs for years and used to put all additional expenses on a credit card. Every time I left a job I had my annual leave paid out so I just used that money to pay off my cards.

Yes, it’s sad that jobs don’t pay a living wage. I had a high status job at one stage and I calculated how much money I had for bills and food and ended up calling in sick to work because I was waiting to be paid and the cost of having to pay for lunch and additional money on my bus pass meant I couldn’t afford to go into work. It was too expensive just taking the bus to work. It wasn’t worthwhile to bring my lunch from home as I lived alone and it wasn’t worth buying all the ingredients for one person. Eventually, I just put extra expenses on my credit card and then paid it all off when I had extra money (like my leave balance being paid out).

I could never buy a property because I felt my job was always unstable and I didn’t want to live off toast and baked beans.

I put money into my appearance so that I could bag someone with money instead. It worked.

Motnight · 12/02/2023 13:08

Well, it can't carry on in this way if you are getting worse and worse off. You need to make some fairly substantial changes.

Floofyduffypuddy · 12/02/2023 13:20

We've always used Xmas money or bday money for bills! Each year dh get 150 from parents which goes straight on car mot in mid January and and car tax.

Who wants to buy 80 perfume to smell nice whilst you sweat about bills?

Pay the bills.

Floofyduffypuddy · 12/02/2023 13:21

@Intrepidescape really 😄

mamabear715 · 12/02/2023 13:22

Been there, done that.. I hope things improve for you. x

Stuffynosetime · 12/02/2023 13:22

I’m not sure what you’re asking, as it sounds like you don’t have a choice. So it’s not about being reasonable or not. If you can’t afford to pay the bills then yes you need to use your birthday money

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