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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really annoyed with my child minder

29 replies

mamasara82 · 08/02/2008 09:10

4 weeks a go I asked her if she could have my child over night because I am going clubbing for my birthday. She said yes that it would be no problem.

She waits until today to tell me is it possible she can do it from my house instead.

I have 4 people staying and wanted to get really pissed. So If I do go out I can't get pissed because I will have to deal with my baby if she wakes up. This was the whole reason for her staying over.

I am so annoyed I feel like screaming. I never go out and this is only the second time she would be staying at someone elses house in the 21 months since she was born.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 08/02/2008 09:12

She asked you or she told you?
Can you say, 'Actually, no I'm going to be out all night and then have friends staying over, so she'll have to stay at yours like we already arranged.'

williamsmummy · 08/02/2008 09:18

shame she didnt tell you earlier.
but not many childminders do have children overnight.

why not find a another babysitter ? a teenager to stay overnight?

you may just have to find yourself cutting your evening short, or not get so drunk you cant function.
its better than nothing.

Dropdeadfred · 08/02/2008 09:21

Hmmmmm..seems like you're still going to be able to go out...what's the problem?

Fireflyfairy2 · 08/02/2008 09:21

There aren't any childminders around here who would have a child overnight. Maybe that's why she asked if they could stay at your house? I think they may need permission from Ofsted before they have overnight stays.

I would never ask my childminder to do this.

Do you have any family members who could mind the child overnight for you?

Fireflyfairy2 · 08/02/2008 09:22

And happy birthday!! What age ya gonna be?

Tommy · 08/02/2008 09:23

she asked you "is it possible?" - you say "Not really as I have people staying over."

If she won't, you'll have to find someone else to do it or adjust your plans.

alittleone2 · 08/02/2008 09:29

Message withdrawn

VictorianSqualor · 08/02/2008 09:31

The childminder said she would do it.
So why is it unreasonable to be pissed off she has suddenly changed her mind???

My childminder told me when I took DD that if need be she could do emergency collections from school etc and overnights stays.

Maybe the OP's childminder is the same.

alittleone2 · 08/02/2008 09:37

Message withdrawn

VictorianSqualor · 08/02/2008 09:42

If it was a nanny from an agency would you say the same?
She didnt have to agree in the first place, she could've easily said 'No, I can;t do it, I'm not insured for it' etc.
As for spending time with her own children, she is still wiling to have the child, just at the OP's house, so it's not like she has something else planned.

Bramshott · 08/02/2008 09:45

If she is a cm, she is either registered with Ofsted for overnight stays, or she isn't. If she is, it should be no problem, her house should be set up for it, there should be a standard rate for overnight, and it shouldn't be a big deal. On the other hand, maybe she is not registered for overnight childcare, in which case she would be babysitting, and then would probably be better done at your house.

Maybe she didn't realise she had to be registered separately for overnight care and has only just found out?

mumzyof2 · 08/02/2008 09:46

I used to baysit for 3 little boys, and stayed over at their house, and got up in the night to look after them, but thats mainly because the youngest was about 5 months old, and the mother was the worst mother in the world - literally, you wouldnt believe how bad, and if I wasnt there, theyd have just been left.

Original poster
mamasara82 · 08/02/2008 09:46

Sorry should have said my child minder is also a very good friend and I would have her childern over night as well.

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 08/02/2008 09:49

I don't think YABU. She said it was no problem 4 weeks ago. If she couldn't do it then, she should have said so. I'd be mighty hacked off too.

cat64 · 08/02/2008 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MaureenMLove · 08/02/2008 09:52

Have you asked her why it needs to be at your house? If its because she's not registered for over nights, then thats fair enough, but she should have said so before. If, you are good friends, like you say, could you do it on a purely friends basis. I.E no contract, no cm fees for the night.

Original poster
mamasara82 · 08/02/2008 09:55

It has nothing to do with being registered for over nights as she was doing it as a friend. The reason was her husband has to get up for work at 3am as he is a delivery man. She didn't want my daughter to stay in case she woke him up.

My daughter sleeps for 12 hrs straight and never wakes in the middle of the night. She a 7-7 girl so I really don't buy it. I had her daughter over last Friday night.

OP posts:
Yorky · 08/02/2008 09:56

As a getting registered CM to be, I ticked the box on the Ofsted form to say I would accept children for overnight stays so I could offer the flexibility to do this occasionally - as a Mum I can imagine your frustration - if I want a night out we go and stay with my parents and abandon him to his doting grandparents!
Did she give a reason for changing her mind?

Fireflyfairy2 · 08/02/2008 09:59

So the overnight stay wouldn't be paid? Would she pay you for overnight stays?

If she's a really good friend maybe she is annoyed at being asked to babysit & not go out with you guys.

Maybe she wants to mind dd at your house so she can have a laugh with you lot when you come home??

moljam · 08/02/2008 10:03

i think bit off that shes only just told you but if your baby sleeps 7-7 and youve got a babysitter whats the problem?

branflake81 · 09/02/2008 07:09

It doesn't matter if she's insured or not: fact is she said she would do it and then changed her mind. If it really was an issue she should have said from the outset. So no - YANBU.

Emprexia · 09/02/2008 12:46

If your only problem is that you think you'd have to deal with your daughter if she woke up... then make it clear that if they stay at your house as she's asked, that SHE is responsible for your DD as she would be if DD stayed at her house as originally planned.

cory · 09/02/2008 12:55

Is it that she has just found out that her dh will have to get up at 3 am on that particular night. Because that might explain her change of mind. Otherwise, yes, annoying when people change their minds.

On the other hand, I think you two do need to sort out your professional/friendly relationships so that it is perfectly clear when she is doing something as a friend and when you expect her to do something as a CM. In your title, you speak of her as your CM, but later on you expect her to do things as a friend. Because of her double role, she may be worried that her professional and private lives will get mixed up, so that she will end up not getting paid for things she does for you as a CM.

Personally, I would not ask my CM to do free childminding for me for that particular reason, however close a friend she was. IME friendship and business do not mix well.

LIZS · 09/02/2008 13:00

then you're not annoyed with your cm , you're annoyed with your friend. She hasn't reneged on a business arrangement as such. Perhaps she agreed before she kenw her dh would be working.

Kiddi · 09/02/2008 13:32

just a thought but as most partners of childminders already have their lifes and homes taken over by minded children and parents, then maybe its her husband who said No!
She may have been thinking oh he should be ok with it then he may have refused point blank. I am no pushover and yes my CM job takes over over life most days and many evenings and some nights, but If my Dh says No it has to be a really desparate reason for me to go against it as its his home too.
Maybe she is loyal to her DH, me I would say DH said no for whatever reason.Maybe she feels like as you are a friend too then she doing you a big favour, by still letting you go out without having to get a divorce.