To wonder how my Aunty Margaret is still alive?

[Marie2023]

My Aunty Margaret has just turned 70. She’s 15 years older than me and all the time I’ve known her she has been an alcoholic. She hasn’t been invited to any family gatherings since the 90s because she always gets drunk, causes a scene and ruins the event. She hasn’t had a job for years but has a partner who looks after her financially.

Aunty Margaret currently drinks a litre bottle of vodka during the day and more drinks when her partner gets home from work. She also smokes around 60 cigarettes a day. She rarely eats and is stick thin.

Recently Margaret wasn’t feeling very well so her partner took her to the doctor. The doctor ordered some tests which came back fine. His summary of the situation was: “Margaret is as fit as a fiddle, although should probably consider drinking and smoking a bit less.”

🤔

I am honestly amazed she’s still alive, let alone “fit as a fiddle”. Why is it that some people can abuse themselves like that for years with no consequences?

My great Aunt didn’t abuse herself as such but she weighed 5.5 stone, only drank hot chocolate, brioche rolls and quality street for years. She was 94 when she died.

I meant ate brioche rolls and quality street.

My mum is a raging alcoholic, a narcissist, and just like this. In her 80s, fit. Unlike say poor amy winehouse, dead at 27. I think pp have identified something really interesting: she puts all her stresses on others (me). I have been sooo stressed and anxious, since a small child, soaking up all her troubles and being her counsellor. I’ve stopped now, basically accidentally went no contact, during covid, and my own life is so much better. It’s lovely helping others. BUT Look after yourselves people! Aim for stress free!

A true chain smoker can easily smoke a new fag every five minutes or less if they want to. My mother often did, though now she vapes and uses patches because she nearly died from pneumonia over Christmas.

It's not fair, just the luck of the draw.

I suppose it's luck and genetics.

My 1st DH was a heavy drinker and smoker. He got cancer and died way too young.

Being a young widow and the kids losing their father was devastating.

Genetics. I recently did mine and kids whole genome (send off to 🇺🇸 about £500). Fascinating wondered why tee total, non smoking active relatives died from heart disease. Genetically we have double risk of other females of coronary artery disease. Obviously lifestyle is v important so you can’t look at genetics alone but it’s been very interesting and means you know where to focus lifestyle adaptations.

Agree! My DF channels all his anger straight at me, he should have dropped dead of a heart attack years ago but no, still funnelling it all outwards at age 90! I feel completely stressed as carry it all, have also cut contact and feel better for it.

"I do however agree with. @LakeTiticaca that living into old age isn't necessarily great. My mother's last ten years were utterly miserable due to gradually failing health and dementia, and she would have been very grateful to have gone by around the age of 80 at the latest."

Yes, this happens of course, but I still think it's worth making an effort to have a healthy old age. Within reason of course, a little bit of what you fancy does you good :)

I very much think like this too. Obviously heavily smoking or drinking isn't good for you... But I think if you were going to die of something, the something was always going to get you, it was just sped up slightly by an unhealthy lifestyle

I thought I was going to click on this thread and see a description of MY Aunty Margaret. Just turned 90, from one of the lowest life expectancy areas of the country, widowed some 30 years ago and living independently, smoked all her life (though never a drinker), lived on a diet of tea, sugar and fried food, didn't go our to work, exercise, or even move from her chair more than was necessary even when she was younger, very slender until late middle age and hasn't gained much weight or lost much height. I wish she was related to me by blood rather than marriage and I could have a slice of those genetics. My mother's verdict is, "Margaret is so lazy that she hasn't worn herself out yet."

You obviously haven't done all that, but are you a millionaire?.

My PIL were the same, died at 87 and 92 six months apart. We used to say that they were medical miracles the pair of them. FIL did give up smoking about 5 years before he died but he still smoked passively as MIL smoked 20 embassy filter daily.

I very much agree on the stress aspect. I’m in my 50s now so have seen a fair few friends/relatives die or get seriously ill. Stress has appeared to have a bigger impact than lifestyle. It’s why I aim for a life of minimal stress. I changed my job for that reason, I don’t let myself get sucked into other peoples drama and live a calm and peaceful life. I also don’t worry about things I can’t do anything about. It might not make me live longer but it’s a happier way to live anyway.

The pp might not have 50 quid a day spare to save. Have you?

I've had older relatives all live into their 90s on diets of tea, chips, whisky and Tunnocks teacakes. Seriously. Not alcoholics but not great lifestyles.
Choose your DNA!

I heard this and it was something to do with how hard your heart had to work or something.

@Gwenhwyfar that makes sense!

Eh?
I'm responding to the oft used phrase "if you didn't smoke you'd be a millionaire"
My point being that folks waste their money on all sorts. Cigarettes being an example. A particularly harmful one, but non smokers aren't more wealthy.

Its because you don't understand statistics. Two thirds of those who smoke will die younger due to their smoking (not lung cancer mostly, more likely heart attacks and stroke). About half of them will lose 10-20 years of extra life. But that leaves one third who won't have an early death due to smoking.

So, it's not luck, it's stacking your odds or not.

Same with drinking. There's now very good evidence that drinking (all drinking, not just heavy drinking) is associated with cancers and earlier death. The more you drink, the more likely that is, also due to accidents, falls etc.

But some will carry on anyway, not everyone who drinks heavily will have a bad liver, but some will. So, those 40 year olds drop down of liver disease and Aunty Margaret keeps going (although 70 is not old at all by my standards, she hasn't even lived to the average age).

I don't know how anyone can say lifestyle doesn't count. It contributes to about 40% of cancers for starters. That doesn't mean everyone who has cancer has had a bad lifestyle, of course genetics and the luck element is in there, but it means if you have those predispositions, then a bad lifestyle will stack up your chances worse.

Heart disease, strokes, and cancer are known as multi-factorial diseases. That means they are caused by lots of different factors coming together, one of which is lifestyle. Having a strong heart from exercise, strong bones from a good diet and weight-bearing exercise, avoiding bowel cancer by eating green veggies and fibre, of course some people outrun these things, but many don't.

We know this as people who can't follow healthy lifestyles and live in polluted areas and are poorer and more stressed live far less long and in poorer health for more years of their lives. The fact your Aunty Margaret beat the odds doesn't mean you will.

Sorry for your loss 💐
You're right about luck and genetics. There are probably environmental factors as well.

She specifically said an amount though. I smoked and I don't now and don't have the extra money. No idea where it goes. But we didn't have a 50 quid a day habit.

That's probably correct. Rationing, no junk food. Very rare to see morbid obesity like nowadays!!

"We know this as people who can't follow healthy lifestyles and live in polluted areas and are poorer and more stressed"

I'm interested in the pollution thing. All cities have high levels of air pollution, but city dwellers aren't dropping like flies compared to rural people are they? Plenty of rich people in cities too.

I know what you mean. I used to smoke and people kept saying "if you didn't smoke you could afford a Bentley" or whatever. I gave up smoking and still couldn't afford one! I just got fed up with that stupid logic.
Anyway. DNA, lifestyle, behaviour, whatever.