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AIBU?

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Original poster

He’s never going to forgive me is he?

36 replies

SiblingRelationshipGone · 11/02/2023 20:19

My brother has some disabilities, he failed his driving test 6 times in 4 years and gave up driving. He’s never driven since.

I passed my test first time 5 years ago.

I have never told him it was my first test or even what number test it was. And I’m not sure we’ve ever actually discussed it.

My parents told him it was my 3rd test I passed on, to save him being upset/feeling hurt/resentful of his disabilities which make it harder for him - I am the oldest but he started lessons before me and had more hours practice due to my circumstances which would have made it even harder for him.

He’s just found out and is angry and has said he may never forgive me.

He's never going to is he?

OP posts:
DaveyJonesLocker · 11/02/2023 20:21

I don't see how it's your fault. He's blaming you for his own problems because you don't have them and your mum is encouraging it by lying and instead of managing his expectations.

SkyIsTheLimits · 11/02/2023 20:23

Not your fault & id find it a bit irritating. How is any of this your fault. You didn’t lie to him.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 11/02/2023 20:23

Massive over reaction on his part! Why would he even care. Does it hurt his poor masculinity?

DelphiniumBlue · 11/02/2023 20:24

What does he think he is not forgiving you for? You didn't say how many tests you had, presumably he knows you can drive? I can understand him having an issue with your Mum for lying, but not you.

SweetStrawberry · 11/02/2023 20:24

Not forgiving you for what? It was your parents who told the lie?

Redglitter · 11/02/2023 20:26

He’s just found out and is angry and has said he may never forgive me

Good grief what a massive over reaction. In the great scheme of things why does it even matter. Anyway as pp said it was your parents lie

Calciferess · 11/02/2023 20:28

You've done nothing wrong. And you passing your test has nothing to do with him and is absolutely none of his business.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 11/02/2023 20:30

What is he actually angry about - the fact that you passed or the fact that your parents lied to him about it?

Neither of them are your fault or your problem and his disabilities might make him unreasonable but they are not your fault, either.

All you can do is point out bluntly that his driving tests aren't your responsibility and your parents lying to save his ego isn't, either - and leave him to it, no lying, no pandering to his righteous indignation, no beating around the bush, he'll either realise how ridiculous he's being or he won't.

TheSnowyOwl · 11/02/2023 20:30

I’m guessing you went along with the lie and his anger is likely based at being made to feel a fool because he now knows everyone lied to him. I’d find it hard to forgive the lying as well (and lying by default through staying silent would be the same to me).

Testina · 11/02/2023 20:32

You joined in with patronising him, so I think it’s fair enough to be annoyed with you.
Never forgiving is ridiculous, and I wouldn’t rise to silly childish exclamations like that. Just ignore.

Bigbadfish · 11/02/2023 20:33

JFC seriously? What is wrong with you? Did your parents screw you both up so badly that you legitimatlyl think that his tantrum is an issue?

Tell him to get fucked!

airfryerandelectricblanket · 11/02/2023 20:34

I would imagine he's more annoyed that he's been lied to than the fact that you passed your test first time!

anomaly23 · 11/02/2023 20:35

He's annoyed you never told him and treat him with kid gloves rather than telling him the truth.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 11/02/2023 20:37

Has he tried with an automatic?

Aquamarine1029 · 11/02/2023 20:37

I couldn't even begin to give this any headspace.

ShakespearesBlister · 11/02/2023 20:42

What on earth have I just read? Forgive you for what? His inability to own failure? This isn't something you've 'done' to him. Let him not forgive you and crack on wasting his own time. What does he actually want you to do? Beg for his forgiveness? Sounds like he's got more than a disability going on there. Is he always this controlling of the women in his life? Is your mum having to tip toe around him in case she does something he can't forgive, like have a life of her own?

LookingOldTheseDays · 11/02/2023 20:44

But you didn't lie to him? You've done nothing wrong.

Disabilities or not, the real question is why you are all tiptoeing around a grown man's feeling to this extreme degree.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 11/02/2023 20:48

Your mum and brother are being ridiculous.

Teaandtoast3 · 11/02/2023 20:50

If he can so quickly ditch you over an issue as small as this, then it’s not really a loss. I think he is blowing this out of proportion… but your mum should never have started the lie in the first place.

Celinia · 11/02/2023 20:53

Is your brother upset at you doing something he wants to do or is he upset everyone’s lied to him? Or both?

Phos · 11/02/2023 20:54

What is there to forgive you for? You're a competent driver, he isn't. Well boo-hoo. Sounds petty and ridiculous.

2crossedout1 · 11/02/2023 20:56

Well, if this is so bad that he can't forgive it then you're better off without his forgiveness. Massive overreaction about something so trivial.

Versailles2023 · 11/02/2023 20:57

Just encourage him to keep trying to pass his driving test and not give up. He’ll forgive you he’s just feeling shit about himself.

saleorbouy · 11/02/2023 20:57

You situations are incomparable and it's strange that he can't find the space to celebrate your success and can only offer resentment.
If he can't get past it don't give him lifts.
I'm sure you're happy of his successes in life.

GoodChat · 11/02/2023 21:00

You never lied to him. There's nothing for him to forgive, unless you knew your parents told him it was your 3rd.

It's time for you all to start treating him like an adult though.