He’s never going to forgive me is he?

[SiblingRelationshipGone]

My brother has some disabilities, he failed his driving test 6 times in 4 years and gave up driving. He’s never driven since.

I passed my test first time 5 years ago.

I have never told him it was my first test or even what number test it was. And I’m not sure we’ve ever actually discussed it.

My parents told him it was my 3rd test I passed on, to save him being upset/feeling hurt/resentful of his disabilities which make it harder for him - I am the oldest but he started lessons before me and had more hours practice due to my circumstances which would have made it even harder for him.

He’s just found out and is angry and has said he may never forgive me.

He's never going to is he?

Your parents lied to him because of his disabilities? That is incredibly patronising is that maybe why he is so angry and hurt.

What are his disabilities?

I think it’s ridiculous that he was lied to and I would be angry too but I’d be angry about the lies and not how many times it took you to pass.

My sister is severely dyslexic and can hardly read or write and took so many tries to pass her theory, but she passed her practical test the first time.

Whereas my brother was the complete opposite and passed the theory first time but failed his test multiple times.

They are both fantastic drivers.

I'm guessing he's feeling embarrassed and humiliated that everyone lied to him out of pity. That really wasn't necessary. Did you know your parents had told him that? Is that why he's angry at you?

Well no not if you’re all pandering to him and handling him with kid gloves he’s not.

Im not sure there’s a disability going which means telling white lies to protect a grown man is the healthiest way to go about things.

What disabilities does your brother have? And how long has this been happening?

Sounds like your parents have prioritised him over you all your life, so that you have very low self esteem OP. Otherwise you would tell the self entitled twat to go and take his ranting to someone who cares. No way would I give it any head space.

It's not like you did it out of spite. What was the alternative, fail on purpose to spare his feelings?

You and your achievements matter too.

Forgive you for what? Stop being his punching bag. He sounds like a spoiled brat.

Why could he not be told that you passed your test in your first attempt? Why would he have found it difficult to be happy for his sister and to celebrate her success?

Having a disability isn't a carte blanche to behave like a self-centred dick with impunity.

This is a sad situation but this is a good lesson in where you end and other people begin. It is not uncommon for family members to be 'enmeshed'; where family members are held responsible for managing the feelings of other family members. Your parents did the wrong thing being dishonest with your brother. You are not responsible for their actions. You should not feel bad for passing you driving test first time. If you keep the truth from your brother, that is not great but it is understandable given the circumstances. You could let your brother know that you can be more honest in the future if that is what he is upset about. If he is upset that you passed your test first time you cannot do any thing about that. He will need to go through accepting his limitations and the grief of losses that come with that. Not an easy thing to do but it is a shame you parents weren't honest and able to support him in this process when he was younger.

Forgive you for what though? There's nothing to forgive.

Are you ever allowed to celebrate your achievements or do you always have to play them down and hide them?
That's very sad, if so.