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AIBU?

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Original poster

‘We should catch up soon!’

47 replies

Endlesssummer2022 · 11/02/2023 20:02

I know I’m not being unreasonable but I’m becoming increasingly annoyed with people who say this or variations of it.

What they mean is they’re not really that bothered about meeting up but want to make it look like they do. Or they want you to do the heavy lifting of suggesting dates where you will spend ages trying to find a time which works for them or sorting/booking location.

When people say this in real life now, I just respond with ‘yes we should!’ and leave it at that. As a result I haven’t seen a couple of people including my own DSIS since before Christmas because it always involves me initiating the date stuff, booking somewhere or hosting at my house. Can’t be bothered anymore even it means she still hasn’t given my kids their Christmas gifts yet.

If you’re one of these people, please know that saying ‘we should meet up soon!’ isn’t considered an effort to meet up. Rant over.

OP posts:
Youdoyoubabe · 11/02/2023 20:04

Just say...... Yeah.... whatever.

SarahAndQuack · 11/02/2023 20:08

I don't think the issue is the phrase - it's that you happen to know people who are either not very interested in meeting up, or want you to organise it.

Amongst my friends if someone says this, they actually mean it.

icecreamisforwintertoo · 11/02/2023 20:10

When I say this I genuinely want to see the person and my intentions are that I want to see them soon but also might be busy & a bit overwhelmed with a million other things going on… I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it but might take a while to get around to finding a specific date. (I didn’t used to be like this before having kids & having older parents and a more stressful job but life gets in the way sometimes…)

Original poster
Endlesssummer2022 · 11/02/2023 20:25

I think if you say ‘let’s meet up soon!’ then the next sentence should be ‘when are you around/available?’. That would imply some level of commitment. The plans shouldn’t stop at ‘soon’.

OP posts:
Stillcountingbeans · 11/02/2023 21:19

Sometimes it is a way of saying 'I don't really want to meet you again' without having to actually say it. Especially if the conversation / goodbyes swiftly moves on.
If someone wants to meet you, they will make it clear and be more specific.

Or they may say this if they like the idea of meeting you again but actually life is too busy and you are the lowest priority when the rubber hits the road.

Hydie · 11/02/2023 21:22

The issue isn't the phrase at all, it's clearly the people involved. I say this, and I mean it, and I organise the meet and we meet up. My friends say this, and we meet. It's the people in your life....

MakkaPakkas · 11/02/2023 21:24

When I say this what I mean is

  1. I like you
  2. but not that much/ but you are not my current priority/ but I'm overwhelmed with day to day life right now
  3. gotta go Totally assume this is what everyone else means too
XenoBitch · 11/02/2023 21:24

I say this, but it is usually when there is not the immediate opportunity to sort a date/time out. I always follow up.

ThomasWaghornsConeHat · 11/02/2023 21:25

Anyone who says this I always presume it's the last thing they want to actully do. I think it's a faux polite brush off.

Prettybutdumb · 11/02/2023 21:26

I’m an introvert and starting hearing this phrase for the first time from other mums once my kids started school. I was quite spooked by it thinking that they actually wanted to socialise in some way, but rather quickly I learnt that ‘we should catch up soon’ and ‘we should organise a play date’ mean nothing, zilch, nada. And I’m ever so grateful, I always cheerfully reply ‘definitely!’ knowing it’s almost a different way of saying ‘goodbye’ and nothing more.

MakkaPakkas · 11/02/2023 21:27

I also say this to my incredibly flakey friends because I know if I set a time to meet them they'll flake out at a later date

Floofyduffypuddy · 11/02/2023 21:27

I rarely say what I don't mean and I have people with integrity who would only say this truthfully and I perifeerally know some people who let down other close friends with this sort of comments

wherearetheturtles · 11/02/2023 21:28

Hydie · 11/02/2023 21:22

The issue isn't the phrase at all, it's clearly the people involved. I say this, and I mean it, and I organise the meet and we meet up. My friends say this, and we meet. It's the people in your life....

This.

If I for example bump into someone on the street, I don't know when I'm available as I will need to go home and check the calendar. So I can't say a date on the spot.

I think it's the people you associate with.

NaturalBae · 11/02/2023 21:34

I’m quite a literal person and I mean it when I say it. It may take a while for us to finally meet up as life is so busy due to work and childcare, but I always follow up.

I tend to say smile and say ‘Yes’ to the flakey people who say this and then I’m not surprised if I then don’t hear from them again. It doesn’t take long to figure out who they are. It takes two.

mackthepony · 11/02/2023 21:56

I say this, people say it to me

We all know what it means

WandaWonder · 11/02/2023 22:05

I just think life happens sometimes it is intentional where people don't really want to meet up but other times people are just busy with their own lives and there is no bad intent

pizzaHeart · 11/02/2023 22:08

I’m not from UK originally and it took me quite a while to work out that it actually means that the person doesn’t want to meet up with you. I was totally bemused at first.
One of primary school mums used to tell it to DD (and I’m absolutely sure that she just wanted to look nice and inclusive) and it’s quite upsetting as Dd thought that she would be invited to play and asked about it repeatedly. I hope karma get back to her.

Nsky62 · 11/02/2023 22:10

That remains to be seen

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 11/02/2023 22:12

I think here are 3 types of people in this world:

Those who mean things literally - we should meet up soon, give me a date. Now.

Those with good intentions - we should meet up soon, but if you don't hassle me for a date, life might get in the way, so keep up the pressure as I'm shit at organising.

Those who are fake and think saying something nice that they don't mean is better than keeping quiet. We should meet up soon (like fuck we will).

The problem is, trying to sort them into groups. I'm probably between the fiesta and second group and annoy people in the third group by pressing them for dates

Sittingonabench · 11/02/2023 22:19

I don’t read it that way. I think “we should meet up soon” as an expression of interest. If you respond positively the. You both engage in a possible timeframe - next month, week etc. but also gives the chance for the other to express they have a lot on right now but that yes they would like to see you too. I get this from a few friends who live a distance away and I think it’s nice to be thought of.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 11/02/2023 22:26

It means “I don’t want to meet up with you soon but I also don’t want to walk away without doing the polite thing of pretending I DO want to meet up with you”

MrsMikeDrop · 11/02/2023 23:38

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 11/02/2023 22:12

I think here are 3 types of people in this world:

Those who mean things literally - we should meet up soon, give me a date. Now.

Those with good intentions - we should meet up soon, but if you don't hassle me for a date, life might get in the way, so keep up the pressure as I'm shit at organising.

Those who are fake and think saying something nice that they don't mean is better than keeping quiet. We should meet up soon (like fuck we will).

The problem is, trying to sort them into groups. I'm probably between the fiesta and second group and annoy people in the third group by pressing them for dates

I agree. I say this and I genuinely mean it, I don't always get around to doing it once DC came along. I also agree generally if you want to you manage to make it happen. I always tend do be the organiser, but I've never had a decline, so I think my friends do want to catch up they're just useless at organising themselves.

PlinkPlonkFizz · 12/02/2023 00:16

It means the opposite I always thought.

Luredbyapomegranate · 12/02/2023 00:18

It’s one of those phrases that can mean anything.

I wouldn’t let it bother you like this, just meet up with people you want to.

BarmyArmy22 · 12/02/2023 00:35

I do say this, often to peripheral friends (the type that you might have had a coffee with or see in a large group of friends but you are not particularly close to) as it is often contingent on a third person arranging something e.g. through a shared activity or mutual freinds.

Once it get's to the stage you realise you don't socialise directly but bump into each other the departing words tend to be instead 'lovely to see you' (for example someone I used to see when DC were little. It is a genuine statement but your lives no longer have any overlap so no need for the 'we must see each other / arrange something soon' comment.

OP said she hadn't seen a couple of people since before Christmas, I think this is pretty common when people have busy lives / jobs /family commitments.