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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a safeguarding issue

98 replies

footballtime · 10/02/2023 23:56

Scenario is that Fred (aged 20) is a volunteer football coach at a club for young people aged 11-18, those who are still school age. This role requires a DBS check.

David is a young person at the football club. David is 18 and has only a few months of school left until he leaves after completing his final A Level exams.

Fred and David are 2 years apart and get on well, having got to know each other through the club. They consider each other friends. Fred knows David's mum and has a good relationship with her too.

Fred and David would like to meet, unrelated to the football club, for lunch in a local cafe. They will both travel separately to and from the cafe. Given that Fred is technically in a position of trust, and that while David is 18, he is still a young person in the club, would this be a safeguarding issue?

OP posts:
Hoardasurass · 10/02/2023 23:58

I doubt it why are you worried is the 18 year old vulnerable in some way?

Greenshake · 11/02/2023 00:01

No, as David is an adult. Presuming there is no back story here, what’s the problem? And why would them meeting for lunch be a safeguarding issue anyway?

Starhaf · 11/02/2023 00:03

No. David is an adult who has made a friend at a club. Unless, of course, David is a vulnerable adult in which case my response might be different

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 11/02/2023 00:06

Is there a back story?

Because this just sounds odd

Thelnebriati · 11/02/2023 00:08

AFAIK, Fred should wait until David has left the club before they strike up a friendship outside of the club.

CJsGoldfish · 11/02/2023 00:08

Why would it be an issue? How odd.

If there is a drip feed coming, please just get it out there first 🙄

confusednewbie · 11/02/2023 00:09

No safeguarding issue at all. The reference to the 18 year old ‘a few months of school’ assuming you mean college or sixth form as school makes him sound younger than he is.

Original poster
footballtime · 11/02/2023 00:10

No, 18 year old David is not vulnerable.

The concern came because when Fred mentioned to his volunteer boss/leader that he was planning to meet David for lunch, the leader advised caution as David is still part of the youth club until he finishes his A Levels. The leader told Fred to ensure they met in a public place (which was already the plan anyway) and suggested that Fred text the leader at the start and end of the meeting with David. This was to ensure the meet up was "above board".

OP posts:
Tinkeytonkoldfruit · 11/02/2023 00:12

Based on the information provided then nope, no safeguarding concern. An 18 and 20 year old with shared interests spend time together is hardly going to worry anyone unless there is some serious additional drip feed coming. I say this as someone who works in safeguarding but frankly common sense would tell you the same.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 11/02/2023 00:12

No it is not a safeguarding issue.

Tinkeytonkoldfruit · 11/02/2023 00:15

Fred is talking out of his arse, but I think his intentions are probably ok. Sounds like he is being overly cautious and maybe applying the same caution to the situation he would if he as (presumably older male) met with 18 year old which may want some more thoughtful consideration of power dynamics and perception.

Tinkeytonkoldfruit · 11/02/2023 00:16

Sorry not Fred the leader! Poor reading skills there!

UsingChangeofName · 11/02/2023 00:23

Yes.
The 'Position of trust' makes it different.
It is like a teacher meeting a 6th former - they might be 18, but whilst they are a pupil, it is not appropriate.
The same applies to a sports team. He is able to play in the youth football team because he is still at school. A coach is in a PoT, in the same way a teacher is.

No issue at all with Fred meeting someone else who is 18, in a pub, in the street, on-line, through a friend, however. It isn't the age gap that is an issue. It is the PoT relationship.

HateEatingInTheDark · 11/02/2023 00:41

If this is a friendship i cant see the issue

IF anything more than friends, yes its an issue!

Original poster
footballtime · 11/02/2023 00:55

Definitely just friends.

Fred is confident that if he asked David’s parents (he has known them both, including before he was a football coach, for several years) for permission to meet David for lunch, they’d say go for it. Does this make a difference?

OP posts:
1982mommaof4 · 11/02/2023 01:02

Absolutely no safeguarding issue

FatGirlSwim · 11/02/2023 01:07

confusednewbie · 11/02/2023 00:09

No safeguarding issue at all. The reference to the 18 year old ‘a few months of school’ assuming you mean college or sixth form as school makes him sound younger than he is.

All sixth forms are in school in some parts of the country and everyone calls it ‘school’

FatGirlSwim · 11/02/2023 01:07

No issue whatsoever imo

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 11/02/2023 01:14

Youth leader is right
It is potentially and his meeting him outside the sports team could raise flags

Here is explanation of position of trust legislation

learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/briefings/preventing-abuse-positions-of-trust#article-top

Georgeandzippyzoo · 11/02/2023 01:24

I can see why there would be caution. As a volunteer Fred is seen to hold a position of trust and needs to behave as 'the adult'. He has a responsibility to the young people in the club.
The fact he is only just older isn't really important,. A friendship would not be seen as safe guarding but if any allegations were made, or it went further than a friendship (not insinuating it would) then he could be in trouble.
Similar to a teacher, who mah only be a few years older, having a friendship with a 6th former. They would also be advised to wait until the yp left the college,/ school.
Keeping everything above board and open will keep both safe.

Member869894 · 11/02/2023 01:28

I work in safeguarding. This is not a safeguarding issue

America12 · 11/02/2023 01:38

footballtime · 11/02/2023 00:55

Definitely just friends.

Fred is confident that if he asked David’s parents (he has known them both, including before he was a football coach, for several years) for permission to meet David for lunch, they’d say go for it. Does this make a difference?

Why would an 18 year old need his parent's permission to do something?

SweetSenorita · 11/02/2023 02:33

Why on earth would there be any safeguarding issue?

My trainer runs a bodybuilding coaching school for a small group. Sometimes I go for a coffee with him. We're both in our 50s. Is that a safeguarding issue? 😳

Led9519 · 11/02/2023 02:56

Safeguarding might be a misnomer but the position of trust thing makes it tricky. Can they just wait until the 18 year old leaves the team?

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 11/02/2023 06:25

It is a safeguarding issue because Fred is in a position of trust; just in the same way that a teacher should not meet a pupil from their establishment for lunch, even if the pupil is 18. That same teacher could plainly meet a different 18 year old for lunch, provided they are not a pupil at the school. The boundaries seem a bit blurred here on first sight because Fred is a volunteer and the age difference is small. But really the principle is pretty clear.

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