My friends and family tell me I don't have a "real" job.

[PearKoala]

I wfh as an ESL teacher. I have done so for around 6 years and I am self employed.

I teach children in China and Taiwan.
I also teach business English to adults in Japan and South Korea.

I was at a family wedding recently and my family asked me when I was going to get a real job. They said it completely seriously as if I was some sort of idiot.

My aunt asked me in a pitying manner, "do you regret wasting your degree?"

I wanted the ground to swallow me up :(

And you're a teacher, making just as much difference to people's lives as doctors, nurses, vets and lawyers. Some of those people you taught will remember what they learned from you and the difference you made to them all their lives.

It's not entirely clear as to the basis of the patronising comment, whether it's because of the freelance nature of the work or its being teaching per se.

When I started teaching, I had a couple of friends who hinted that I should be doing something better with my brains. Certainly there are plenty of threads on MN where you get the old line "not working in the real world" to describe teaching.

It is still a job held in low esteem by a significant number of people. Always has been.

I get this a lot (I’m a musician). In fact I’ve had people come up to me at work and ask me what my day job was. Somebody actually said to me once unprompted ‘oh you can’t really earn much money from that’ so I told him I had a mortgage - that shut him up. One woman (also while
i was at work) said it was great that it ‘got me out of the house’. The problem is I believed it for the first ten years of my career and thought that what I was doing wasn’t a real job and it made me feel really worthless. It was only during the pandemic when I couldn’t do that job that I realised it was a real job (because of my suddenly empty bank account and lack of purpose) and the response I had when I was able to get back to my teaching, performing and community work that I realised it is, and I am, valuable. Don’t let them put you down, you do a really important job

That's possibly part of it tbf. I mean there are people who try doing this work as a means of dossing around for a couple of years post graduation. But, they don't last long! And they certainly don't have their own client portfolio like OP does. Anyone teaching ESOL learns very quickly that it's a serious undertaking - jobs, visas, access to HE etc all require English language skills and that is what teachers are paid for.

It's probably because a lot of students tend to do stuff like that on their extended 'gap yah'. Doesn't make it any less worthwhile though IMO. And great that you can do it WFH as well.

Out of interest, what kind of money do you earn (ball park figure)? Genuinely asking for a friend.

I’m a nanny and I get the same kind of comments. Even the head of a nanny agency asked me why I am just a nanny when I have a good degree!
I earn pretty much £50k working 3 days a week and I don’t have to take my work home with me at the end of the day. It works for me.

Many of my family members are doctors, nurses, vets, and lawyers.
I earn a very decent wage for what I do. I think it's just because I'm "self-employed" that they think I'm an idiot and haven't been able to forge a career for myself.
Have you had to go on strike recently because you are unhappy with your remuneration and working conditions? Unlike some others I could mention NHS, law

They are probably just jealous that you are doing something different, that you enjoy and that gives you the opportunity to travel and meet people from different cultures.

This is usually the type of comment that people who are miserable in their own work life make. They just want you to have a job as mundane and mediocre as their own so they can feel better about themselves...

Next time ask what constitutes a 'real job'. If she says an office then sound off hundreds of jobs that aren't in an office. 9-5? Then repeat above. Turn it round to her and make her really think about what a silly question it is. (As an aside though, I thought it was EAL?)

I’d ask her to explain what a reflexive verb is. Or what conjugation is.

Im a nanny and get asked the same thing all the time. I was once sat with my mum who is the manager of a care home and my aunt who is a TA when they were discussing their very stressful jobs and all the qualifications theyve got through working and when i said something about being tired after my week they both laughed and said "one day when you have a proper job youll know what tired is". At the time i was working 4 x 12hrs days a week and earning 3 times what they were. I also have a child psychology degree as well as NVQ's in childcare and education and numerous other qualifications from different courses but apparently i dont have a proper job because i work in someones home and not a school!

My usual response is "i know, how great is it that i earn so much more than you and i dont even have a proper job"

What can you respond with other than “fuck off”? Pick an option that fits with your desired level of decorum, bar giving no response whatsoever.

That’s a very snide comment and deserves to be treated with contempt. However, the next time she or anyone else says something like this, I would be inclined to stand my ground, and put them on the spot by asking them to explain exactly what they mean by ‘real job’ and exactly why they feel that what you do doesn’t fit that description, given that you’re self employed, get to travel, love what you do, and presumably are reasonably well paid. And as for ‘wasting your degree’ - words fail me. You’re putting it to great use if you’re doing something you love IMO. Could there be a bit of the green eyed monster at play here do you think ?

Apparently, some of my family think I sit on my arse doing nothing all day.

My mum actually gets what I do now, which is a revelation after I spent a few years explaining it and is very proud I don't have to "go out" to work.

Seriously, see it as "proper work" and get yourself an elevator pitch for those awkward moments.

As others have said, you're earning proper money. I have no idea where people think we get our money from, I sometime assume they think we're drug dealers!

Your job sounds great and I imagine very rewarding!

Out of interest, what wonderful job does your auntie do?

My usual response is "i know, how great is it that i earn so much more than you and i dont even have a proper job"

Wonderful !!

I have had this for 20 years and I've stopped bothering. I have been working freelance from home before it became fashionable in 2020. Mostly writing, lots of research, used to answer questions for AQA 63336 before smartphones were a "thing". My parents and inlaws don't get it, my mum in particular would not know a blog or listicle if it hit her in the face, the inlaws think "working" means leaving home, doing your shift, going home again.

And because they think i'm not really working, they think i'm being rude when i'm not on call for their needs at any point during the day.

I am also self-employed although I work in a totally different industry and experience this a fair bit. Even though I enjoy what I do, have an above average income, and occasionally get to travel internationally, relatives seem to think I am working for pin money and have wasted my education.

Probably a good idea to have some pre-planned rejoinders stored away in the back of your head for situations where smart arse/ignorant comments are like to be made. I like the PP's suggestion of throwing it back at them and asking what on earth makes them think you HAVEN'T got a real job?

I know people who say this about anyone who works in an office (because it's not manual work and is therefore easy - even though they couldn't do it...)
Anyone who works from home or on a computer is 'dossing'. It's very hard not to say something deeply horrible back, like 'just because you have the imagination of a fucking sponge and just do what your mate/dad/brother did and have done for the last 30 years doesn't mean the rest of us are quite so boring. Also I earn more than you, so when are YOU going to get a real job where you can earn 40k without having to tax dodge?'
Vile - but tempting

I do what you do. Bit further along the line. Worked full time in higher education all over the world. Now work from home examining. Pick my schedule, do the hours I want. Make enough money. Don’t consider it not having a job. Have a degree, CELTA, DELTA and Masters. Keeps me in the game, but no longer being in work full time. Suits me fine.

OP out of interest what do they do? Guessing they're in middle management hell with a shitty commute and office politics. Without any doubt they are so, so jealous of you and bitter that you are so happy and fulfilled. Your job is a great job. Next time you get a comment like that call them out for being very rude. And is it really a great idea to spend any time with them if they're that nasty?

I got this from my partners family when I started my own tutoring business. They seemed to think I had retired and become a housewife. My brother in law used to ring me up whenever his kids were sick to ask if I could look after them - as clearly I had nothing to do and it didn't matter if I got sick too 😂

They got over it eventually!!!

Well done for keeping that self employment going, cos it's harder to be self employed than to be an employee.

Someone posted about notbhaving much money a few weeks ago that worked in your field, so I wonder if they think money = success?

I'd ignore then, every billionaire starts tgeir journey being self employed. No employees (unless they own loads of shares or are a founder of a company or own intellectual property rights) become billionaires, only self employed entrepreneurs do that!

Good luck

Your family and friends sound unpleasant, and also stupid - I would be distancing myself from the friends and looking at finding some new ones. Of course you have a real job, what utter nonsense they are spouting.

I did this for years op as it fitted in well with my family life. Now Im back in education but it’s a much better job, salary and rights which online ESL schools are totally lacking tbh.
My fil visited recently and was like “amazing you are back working after so many years”.. I worked on average 20/25 hours a week for 8 or so years online..
The reason I’m back teaching in real life classrooms is the pay is so incredibly poor online , most companies pay very little and after tax it’s barely minimum wage, I have a degree, pgce and other post grad in education so felt I needed to earn a lot more really , especially now as the hourly rate was just poor with esl schools online and my dcs are older and my dh can now work from home which is a game changer !!

I thought the pandemic would help re weird reactions towards online teaching , I did it long before it was normal and ppl definitely acted as though I didn’t work . Bottom line op if you are happy with it and it works for you that’s the main thing. Those comments are horrible and ppl who say them are the ones with issues not you .