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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My friends and family tell me I don't have a "real" job.

93 replies

PearKoala · 10/02/2023 19:28

I wfh as an ESL teacher. I have done so for around 6 years and I am self employed.

I teach children in China and Taiwan.
I also teach business English to adults in Japan and South Korea.

I was at a family wedding recently and my family asked me when I was going to get a real job. They said it completely seriously as if I was some sort of idiot.

My aunt asked me in a pitying manner, "do you regret wasting your degree?"

I wanted the ground to swallow me up :(

OP posts:

MarthaMumbles · 10/02/2023 19:48

It sounds like a great job! Ignore the arseholes.

shinynewapple22 · 10/02/2023 19:48

I have no idea of your aunt's age and background but I suspect that there are still a lot of people who don't understand the possibilities for working that the internet gives us now - people being able to connect with others around the globe from their own homes.

stripedsox · 10/02/2023 19:49

I'd love a job like yours! Be proud of who you are, what you do and have achieved.

NeedToChangeName · 10/02/2023 19:53

I know several people who taught EFL for a year or two as backpackers, so maybe that's why your family think of it as a temp job

If you enjoy it, and earn enough to support yourself, that's all that matters

But, if you feel the need to justify it, you could highlight your international students / business language to asd credibility

SisterAgatha · 10/02/2023 19:54

My mum is a bit like this and says I’ve never done a real days work in my life. What she means is I’ve never done a physical job and hates me for it.

Gagaandgag · 10/02/2023 19:56

I’ve never understood what a ‘real job’ means. You should have asked them to elaborate on the criteria

Gagaandgag · 10/02/2023 19:57

And enjoy it! Live your life and enjoy it! Life’s too short to even entertain their judgement

onionringcheeseypuff · 10/02/2023 19:57

I don't understand, I work in ESOL and know many other tutors who tutor from home in person and online as well as in classes. It's all a real job, it's great and very difficult but absolutely a job.

You work and you get paid. Their opinions are ridiculous.

WhiteNarcissi · 10/02/2023 19:58

I would describe it differently and say something like "I run my own business teaching English to students across the world." Big yourself up a bit a be confident in what you're doing 👌 If you sound confident they're less likely to criticise.

I used to freelance and it's definitely a real job!!

EmmaDilemma5 · 10/02/2023 20:00

I guess it's thought of that way as so many people do it in gap years or post uni.

Does it pay your bills? If so, then it's a real job and next time I'd be telling them all so.

butterfliedtwo · 10/02/2023 20:01

It is definitely a real job and your family are twats. Start framing differently for the hard of thinking. You have your own business.

OneCup · 10/02/2023 20:01

She may have the impression you do tutoring the way students do a few hours a week, without paying tax or paying towards a pension.
Of course she is wrong.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 10/02/2023 20:02

Of course it's a real job! Just not as traditional as putting on a suit and heels and sitting in an office. Auntie sounds narrow-minded and rude. Arm yourself with a reply so you're ready in future - "Yeah, teaching online across the world - it's the future, you know" or something like that.

OneCup · 10/02/2023 20:04

be under the impression

thecatsthecats · 10/02/2023 20:04

Rude gits. I have similar experiences with male in laws.

My grandmother in law is an absolute gem on this front though. She gets in before I do, and says, "no, thecats does xyz". She's fantastically understanding of what I do and why.

Are they rude to anyone else? I've started intervening like she does, not on my own behalf, always for someone else. It feels a lot easier because the defensiveness is neutralised.

Cocobutt · 10/02/2023 20:05

Do you not understand that unless you work 9-5 in an office at least a 30minute drive away, then it’s not actually a real job.

What does your Aunty work as?

Do you live alone?

My response would just be that you enjoy it and it pays your bills, so you’d be mad to give it up.

Elleviss · 10/02/2023 20:06

Fuck them! I've had that all my life from people. Do what makes you happy. Do not let these people bring you down.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/02/2023 20:06

WTF is wrong with these people? Honestly, they sound daft AF. I wouldn't be spending one more second of my time with them.

fiftiesmum · 10/02/2023 20:07

My mum was like this about my job - it was making full use of my degree but as I worked one or two days a week so I could look after the children while they were small she said it didn't count.

Needmorelego · 10/02/2023 20:07

How do you say what you 'do' ?
To a certain generation "I teach ESL online from home" probably doesn't mean much and they might not even know what it means, but "I am a teacher" would probably meet their "proper job" criteria.

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 10/02/2023 20:07

Do tell us what degree and career your aunt has…

JennyDarlingRIP · 10/02/2023 20:07

"did you forget I'm an English teacher again? That's not the first time, have you seen a doctor about your memory loss?" (Daily mail sad face for effect)

HeddaGarbled · 10/02/2023 20:08

In my mind, it makes a difference whether you are supporting yourself financially, or whether you are enjoying yourself doing a bit of this and that now and again whilst being supported by someone else (or the state).

FrownedUpon · 10/02/2023 20:10

As long as you’re happy, it’s fine. Just make sure you have a pension.

Original poster

PearKoala · 10/02/2023 20:11

Oh, thank you all so much! I wasn't expecting such a response.

Many of my family members are doctors, nurses, vets, and lawyers.

I earn a very decent wage for what I do. I think it's just because I'm "self-employed" that they think I'm an idiot and haven't been able to forge a career for myself.

OP posts:

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