What to buy for someone who has dementia?

[Pantheon]

Posting here for traffic
My grandad has dementia. He is being looked after at home by family members. What could I buy for him that would be something he would enjoy and/or also something that might help those caring for him? Thank you for any ideas!

Smell is one of the last senses to go. What about an old favourite aftershave or perhaps the perfume his wife used to wear.

At some stage, unfortunately dementia does become the defining thing about the sufferer. So it’s not odd to ask what to buy them and is actually quite empathetic. As an example, my mum loved to paint watercolours. Every Christmas and birthday we all knew that art supplies would be more welcome than anything else. She now has advanced dementia and wouldn’t know what a paint brush is for now, so would be pointless getting her anything to do with painting. Gifts now consist of music CDs, cuddly toys and warm clothing - things we would never have associated with mum a few short years ago.

I would go for anything that would be spark memories from their youth - music and poetry from that time can have a positive effect. A book like BBCs Nations Favourite Poems - they do an audiobook - or if he has a family member or carer to read to him that could be nice. Or some of his favourite old bands from 60 years ago - look into if he can use a cd player or what would be the easiest format for him or his carers.

My granny used to love playing old movies and musicals as she didn’t really know what was going on in new shows but we would have to put them on for her as she couldn’t work the tv and dvd player anymore. Photographic books were really well received as well - there were some local history style books that she liked someone got her one with pictures of the area she went to school in and that went down really well.

As someone said it depends on what stage people are at but having some
nice old music / poems / film playing can be nice.

Depending on whether this is safe for your grandad, maybe something like a torch, wallet or metal tape measure or any small inexpensive item that he may have used when he was more active, my dad loved having these as presents to carry around. The boards designed for toddlers with switches, locks and latches is another item my dad enjoyed. As you say he is advanced these might not be suitable. My dad also liked sorting things, they could be anything sorted into 2 bowls. Older people like bright colours so maybe some flowers in vivid colours if he liked gardening.

For Christmas I got my nanna one of these, its a 'decade box' of sweets from her childhood.

www.goodiessweets.co.uk/decadeboxes/

Its such a hard job to buy for someone with dementia.

Something we are going through right now for my husband’s Mother. She’s in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, it comes and goes and is never really predictable on how it’s going to affect her from day to the next. However, something that she is very able to appreciate and love, as always, is nature in its various forms. So, for the first time ever, we’re sending her a huge floral display, because she will love the look and smell, even if it’s short lived. We’ve both been of the opinion that flowers sent a distance aren’t good value for the inevitable high cost as they don’t last very long. However, knowing how much she loves the garden and flowers - but is no longer able to get out there - and coupled with finding a company that’s reliably good with sending flowers, we think it’s a good decision. Also, for a card, DH is busy painting a card with her favourite butterfly on (she’s always been obsessed with butterflies since her youngest son died), that we will all write in. MILs memory of butterflies goes back to the 1950s when her son died, so memory of their meaning is unencumbered by the years. Hopefully those two things are things she can still recognise and enjoy. Is there something like that you could adapt?

What did they enjoy when they were younger? Hobbies/sports/films.I would get something themed around that. For example; their favourite teams winning game on film. They won't get bored of seeing it. Nothing that requires sustained attention or fine motor skills.
Cushions with pics of favourite pets are great. Anything that can be a conversation starter about the things they like.
Carers will find this helpful too as will give them a way to engage and may be soothing and comforting for your grandpa.
Typically, those with dementia tend to have a sweet tooth. Maybe some sweets that can be used as a reminder of a seaside holiday or treat he had as a kid.

Sorry, meant grandma

My grandad has my advanced Alzheimer's but loves chocolate so we get him different kinds of luxurious chocolate. I get him nice smellies and something to wear. Up to date photographs of the great grandchildren.

He doesn't know who we are so having photos of us or him and Nanna stresses him out (the only photos he keeps up are his great grandchildren as he loves children).
Anything electronic he tries to take apart

shop.alzheimers.org.uk/products/dementia-friendly-tv?variant=42367275073690

this is a dementia friendly TV channel, you can get a subscription through Alzheimer’s Society

Very much depends on his stage of dementia and also how he is with it.
My mum is 76 with advanced dementia and lots of the suggestions are no longer suitable for her.
Things that still spark joy in her or are useful - fiddle / twiddle / fidget mitts - calm her & keep her occupied in most of her waking moments

• nice strong flavoured sweet treats

Fudge, chocolates, biscuits all still go down very well especially since she's been in hospital and the food is very bland.

• CDs of music she likes, music still very much brings her alive
• a soft toy cat our son bought her as it looked like our childhood cat.

My suggestions:flowers, plants, teddy bear, chocolate, music, photographs.

My mum could not understand adults liking cuddly toys until she got dementia and I bought her a bear which she loved. It feels strange going against who they were but you have to buy for who they are now. My mum also used to like having her nails done after getting dementia. Before she never painted her nails. I think she liked that the lady sat with her to do them and forgot she wasn’t a nail polish person. Makes me sad to think about it. She used to love sweets and chocolate but couldn’t eat them when her dementia was advanced. Her face would always light up at flowers. My friends mum was the same with balloons.

My brother-in-law liked looking at photographs. For example if your relation grew up in Bristol in the 1950s, see if you can find a book of photos of Bristol from roughly that period. Chocolate also went down well and fruit. An analogue clock too.

Your time, which you are giving, is the most precious thing now.

other than that it has been found that such patients love visits from animal welfare centres, such as dogs? I also read of a nursery which took young children along to interact with the residents. Children and the residents all benefitted. Might be difficult to arrange though.

when my late mother in law was in her final nursing home (no dementia there!!) her son, my other half, was going to arrange for a horse to visit from a local stables. Hmm….

PLEASE before you buy just talk to the people who are caring for your loved one. I cannot say how much I admired and appreciated the lovely people who cared for my late father. Certain things such as furry toys he tried affectionately to nibble but at the same time he perfectly and 'intelligently' recognised photos of his parents etc and knew us, his children. He was also able to understand what digital photography meant. 'All dots and dashes' he said, referring back to his WWII experiences. Quite correctly.

There were so many admirable people - old and young - who cared for my father during the last year of his life. I learned so much from them. Such as how patterned floor coverings can be really difficult - disorienting - to walk on, and how simple it is to put an obscure stick-on film over a mirror. (My poor father did not recognise the face that looked back at him, and was scared.)

Thee is a very special place in heaven for the care worker who found out that my father had a very good memory for traditional songs, and who sung him to sleep every night, holding his hand, as if he had been a child. A truly wonderful peson.

Please ask the careworkers who see him eveyday and also ask yourself, 'what makes him happy and calm'? It's going to be different for everyone. But try to go along with it. Sadly, however difficult, try and fit in with it somehow, whateve it means o does not mean fo you. It's not going to last fo ever.

Thank you everybody for these ideas. Appreciate it!

We got my nana a photo album that you can press a button on each page, it contains a recorded message where we explained the photos on the page. She loved listening / seeing it.

Thanks, this is exactly the situation now. I would have known what to buy him up until quite recently. But none of those things would be appropriate now, hence asking on here.

Agree it totally depends on the stage of dementia. My dad is middle-stages, still at home with mum but increasingly confused. He needs things which keep him "in the moment". He's a massive sports fan and still enjoys watching rugby/football/golf/snooker on the telly so I pick up glossy sporting books in charity shops for him, especially ones with very famous people in them. He could talk at length about Seve Ballesteros in the 80s but couldn't tell you who the Prime Minister is or what he had for lunch.

Technology is hit and miss - things like Facetime are very confusing for him as he thinks he's watching a recording and won't/can't interact. He likes puzzle books - wordsearches and sudokus. Although these are getting less popular as he declines.

In terms of gifts we usually buy some really nice food and drink, things they wouldn't treat themselves too. Chutneys, biscuits, crackers, cheese, posh chocolates. He enjoys them while he's eating them and really appreciates the "niceness" of them and it doesn't matter that he's forgotten 5 minutes later.

@OneEnchantedEvening this is such a great post and exactly my experience - and a refreshing antidote to the sanctimonious posters saying "dementia doesn't define your GF" - it fucking does and it's HEARTBREAKING to lost your person in front of your very eyes....

@Pantheon my Dad has advanced dementia and can no longer read, watch telly, make conversation. But he is still a good trencherman and has a really sweet tooth so I take him a wee bar of chocolate or a slice of cake each time I go in which he enjoys. I also bought him a dementia cat which purrs when he strokes it etc and is so realistic looking - hope this link works but if not google dementia cat and look for ALZ products.

www.alzproducts.co.uk/companion-pet-tabby-cat-joy-for-all?gclid=CjwKCAiA3KefBhByEiwAi2LDHDzt-w1LHCQTGt5tLgoGSTULPqLMjzC0CMAyLHyPj0V7donp-8xc-xoCdIUQAvD_BwE

My mam had to go into a home when Dad died last October.

We had to rehome her 3 cats so we bought her an electronic one, she absolutely loves it. (It was sad at first seeing the way she talks to it, & her teddies, but also lovely as they bring her comfort.)

We also got her one of those clocks with day, date, morning, afternoon & time on.

We have a large family so I got 2 huge frames with space for lots of small pics. I put in a pic of everyone with their name underneath, & also made a family tree to go on the wall next to the pics.

She had some of her bird ornaments with her & kept playing with them & breaking them, so for Christmas I got her a dolls house family with a sitting room set - she plays with that now instead of ornaments .

When mam & dad were still at home we bought them a telephone with huge buttons & space for 9 photos, we put our photos on & programmed our numbers to our photos. We also got them a one cup water boiler, so they didn't have to lift a heavy kettle with boiling water in.

My dad loved Smarties when he had dementia. Wouldn't have eaten them before. My mum used to give him jogging bottoms and t-shirts with large neck holes so they were easy to put on.

I made my Mum a photo album of all the family with a family tree so she was able to talk with carers about who people were.

She also talked about her Mum and Dad a lot so I got photos from my Uncle and she had them in her room in lovely frames.

She was always looking for her baby, so I got a doll and some clothes and she thought it was a baby and cared for it and it calmed her down.

Twiddle items are always good.

A radio was a good distraction for her too.