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Original poster

What to buy for someone who has dementia?

73 replies

Pantheon · 10/02/2023 10:05

Posting here for traffic
My grandad has dementia. He is being looked after at home by family members. What could I buy for him that would be something he would enjoy and/or also something that might help those caring for him? Thank you for any ideas!

OP posts:
DemonHost · 10/02/2023 21:50

www.dailysparkle.co.uk

saltinesandcoffeecups · 10/02/2023 21:53

I was going to say I’d be careful of pictures of family… there will likely be a time where they don’t recognize the people in them.

@Pantheon can you give us a rough age of your grandpa? I think that might help with suggestions. How advanced is he?

What about audiobooks, either their favorite author or (depending on their age old radio programs). I know they’re not super popular but DVDs of favorite movies or tv series. Both of these assume help playing them.

antipodeancanary · 10/02/2023 21:56

Dementia isn't the defining thing about him. What does he actually like? Asking what to buy for someone with dementia is as odd as asking what to buy for someone who's 40 or who is a vegan.

Untitledsquatboulder · 10/02/2023 22:02

antipodeancanary · 10/02/2023 21:56

Dementia isn't the defining thing about him. What does he actually like? Asking what to buy for someone with dementia is as odd as asking what to buy for someone who's 40 or who is a vegan.

Yes this. He didn't stop bring an individual when he got dementia. What stage is he at? My father would have thought you mad at any point during his decline if you'd given him a toy dog, my friend gave her mum exactly that and she loved it.

One thing that my dad and us (his carers) found useful was a dementia clock which told him the time, day, date and time of day (morning g/night etc).

faffadoodledo · 10/02/2023 22:06

Honestly, a visit and some tasty food is the best thing.

TootsAtOwls · 10/02/2023 22:07

I'd get a music player and full of with music from yesteryear. I've read that dementia patients really respond to their old favourites.

Squishedstormtrooper · 10/02/2023 22:13

Small sweet things. Tiny cakes or chocolates- I find that my gran won’t eat savoury anymore or anything that is more than a couple of bites.

Cushions/ blankets/ pjs can never have enough of especially when toilet trips get a bit more difficult. If he gets to the stage where he needs to go in a home then lots of familiar blankets really help them to feel settled.

Toddlerteaplease · 10/02/2023 22:30

I'm wondering about those jelly drops for my friend. But eating an entire tray is only the equivalent of 200ml. So not sure it's worth it.

Original poster
Pantheon · 11/02/2023 07:26

@saltinesandcoffeecups he's in his 80s and it has become quite advanced now

@antipodeancanary I appreciate that and I've not forgotten who he is as a person. Only the dementia is quite advanced and he is not enjoying/able to do some of the same things anymore. Also in terms of his care or daily living/safety.

OP posts:
CremeEggsForBreakfast · 11/02/2023 07:44

antipodeancanary · 10/02/2023 21:56

Dementia isn't the defining thing about him. What does he actually like? Asking what to buy for someone with dementia is as odd as asking what to buy for someone who's 40 or who is a vegan.

Have you met anyone with dementia?

Of course, not every individual is going to enjoy the same things - whether they have dementia or not - but a person with dementia loses both their memory and many of their physical skills.

My grandmother used to enjoy playing music. She'd still enjoy listening to music but there'd be no point in buying her a piano because she's lost the physical skills to do it.

My husband loves cooking. If he was at the same stage as my grandmother he wouldn't be able to read the instructions on the "grow your own mushrooms" or "make your own cheese" kits he currently likes and wouldn't be able to use any of the fancy knives he currently asks for.

What people are looking for on these threads is ways to help their relatives access their long-term memories or just to find some comfort in the midst of what can be a really quite scary disease. It's not the same as "buying for a vegan" because vegans can remember what they like and how to use those things.

BarrelOfOtters · 11/02/2023 09:25

antipodeancanary · 10/02/2023 21:56

Dementia isn't the defining thing about him. What does he actually like? Asking what to buy for someone with dementia is as odd as asking what to buy for someone who's 40 or who is a vegan.

I’m not sure you’ve met many people with advanced dementia….it’s nice if there’s a link to memories

Untitledsquatboulder · 11/02/2023 11:45

@BarrelOfOtters my dad died of advanced dementia and its not as straightforward as that. Not everyone loses their personality, or has the same personality or interests just because they have the same disease.

Emdubz · 11/02/2023 11:51

My brother has early onset dementia. He loves his Alexa because he can still remember songs he wants to listen to and can just ask for them to be played. I also recently bought him a book about the year he was born and it had lots of lists of things he might remember e.g what was popular when he became 18, the cars, the music etc. it’s good to dip into as he can’t remember the storyline of a novel.

Emdubz · 11/02/2023 11:53

Forgot to say, the good thing about the Alexa is that songs are immediately played. I got him a CD player previously but he couldn’t remember how to work it and got frustrated.

OneEnchantedEvening · 11/02/2023 11:55

antipodeancanary · 10/02/2023 21:56

Dementia isn't the defining thing about him. What does he actually like? Asking what to buy for someone with dementia is as odd as asking what to buy for someone who's 40 or who is a vegan.

It doesn't matter what he liked because the thing about dementia is that they are no longer themselves.

My mum loved reading magazines-all those Take a Break, Char and so on. Now, she wouldn't even look at them. She liked watching Homes Under the Hammer, Bargain Hunt etc, now they could be on a rolling loop and she might have her eyes on the TV but isn't engaged, couldn't tell you what is going on.

She liked clothes, now she couldn't care less what she has on-has no interest.

That is what is so heartbreaking about dementia. Yes, they are still the person they were but dementia is like a shadow and it creeps over them erasing their personality and their likes and dislikes.

I would say the only thing my mum still enjoys is chocolate which we bring to her and she takes some notice of.

So, don't be disappointed if you buy something that you think they will like and they don't take any notice of-it's not because you've made a bad choice but because dementia is a thief and robs them of their personality.

OneEnchantedEvening · 11/02/2023 11:58

I should add, it depends on the stage of dementia. My mum is in late middle stage but if someone is in early or early mid stage, it might be a bit different.

MaMisled · 11/02/2023 12:03

Twiddle Muffs are known to soothe agitation, offer distraction from repetitive behaviours and are good conversation starters. They also keep hands warm. Many available on Etsy and Ebay.

CarrieMoonbeams · 12/02/2023 17:09

I have to tell a funny story here. When my mum first went in to the care home she didn't have a twiddle muff - I hadn't even heard of them at that stage, her dementia advanced at an incredible rate 😢

One of the staff brought her a twiddle apron to try, it was obviously hand made and it had loads of bits and bobs sewn on to it, including some little bells of the type that cats would have on their collar.

My mum happily twiddled about with it, and wanted to keep it on when I was taking her along to the lounge for her lunch. After a few steps with the bells jingling, the crinkly bits crinkling and the squeaky wheel on her walker etc etc, she turned and looked at me and said "Christ, I sound like a fucking one man band!" 😂😂😂 My mum literally never swore, I'd never even heard her say bloody before, so I think that combined with the really grumpy look on her face nearly finished me off!

Dementia is such a cruel condition, but I still think of this often and laugh.

Anyway @Pantheon , I hope you have had some good ideas from this thread. All the best 🌹

faffadoodledo · 12/02/2023 17:14

@CarrieMoonbeams ❤️
But you're right. Cruel beyond belief.

witheringrowan · 12/02/2023 17:19

My great aunt had a bird table and bird feeder set up just outside the living room window. She liked watching all the birds & it meant she'd be sitting in one place peacefully rather than wandering round in a state.

Comefromaway · 12/02/2023 17:23

My mother in law loves her robo dog (she always had dogs). She also likes Cliff Richard CDs and Mrs Browns Boys DVDs.

Hankunamatata · 12/02/2023 17:25

Those life like pets are amazing. The dog and cat. They pretend breath and make small noises. They are pricey but some people are so soothed by them

DotAndCarryOne2 · 12/02/2023 17:29

We were advised that music could be great therapy when mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia, so maybe a music device of some sort with a selection of music designed to prompt memories. A photo album would also be good - you could sit and go through it with them. Mum also got a lot of comfort from something called a weighted blanket. It provided security for her as well as warmth, so maybe research this a bit.

saraclara · 12/02/2023 17:32

If you're not around him much, it's going to be hard to know what he enjoys.

As my late MILs dementia progressed and the children's jigsaws and the photo books were no longer of any use, we came back to basics.
One day we too a bag of giant chocolate buttons as an extra. It was as if my MIL had never tasted one before. She popped the first one on her mouth and her face lit up with a huge smile "oh my!" It was as if it was a whole new taste sensation. And with every button the the thing happened.

So every visit, from them on, all we took was a bag of giant buttons. It got to the point that we had to put them on her tongue. But she still really enjoyed them.

Daleksatemyshed · 12/02/2023 17:34

I don't know if it's age or the dementia but my DM loved anything sweet especially cake, she'd eat cake day and night. Could you find a subsciption that would send him cake or sweets each month?