To ask you to entertain me whilst I suffer the indignity of bottom revealing paper gown

Thewildthingsarewithme · 2023-02-09T22:53:24+00:00

I am of course being unreasonable to use AIBU so poorly. However, please think of me dear reader, struggling my way to the toilet across a crowded ward after last minute surgery only to realise my entire naked buttock cheek was baring itself to the world or the ward as it were. I would love to say it caused traffic stopping chaos but no one even glanced up from their take a break. I however am mortified, and a little bit high on diazepam so tell me your stories of shamelessly turning the other cheek literally or just anything really. sorry this is utter pollocks I’m a bit off my face post op

Original poster

Thewildthingsarewithme · 09/02/2023 22:53

The pollocks and the bullocks, the white bait may also be there

OP posts:

ThomasWaghornsConeHat · 09/02/2023 22:56

Hmm, when in labour with my second the door to my room opened directly to see the reception desk so I have bared more. I don't think I cared either. I'd be mortified if it was now

MeghanThyStallion · 09/02/2023 22:56

I jumped off the top diving board at my local swimming pool, wearing a bikini. When I resurfaced, I was no longer wearing the bikini top. It had come off over my head as I hit the water and I had to paddle around retrieving it and putting it back on in front of everyone queuing for the boards.

Hope you feel better and get some nice PJs soon!

Original poster

Thewildthingsarewithme · 09/02/2023 22:59

Haha I also did not care during my labour! I think I would definatly have cared at the pool though 😂😂😩 having to put it back on, I’d probably have scuttled off crab like to the changing rooms and never emerged again 😂

OP posts:

Daleksatemyshed · 09/02/2023 23:01

The morning after having had a minor Op I was carefully placed in the bath by a nurse who then left. When someone knocked and came in I was confronted by a teenage boy who took one look and fled. He was bringing tea but didn't seem to want to stay @Thewildthingsarewithme

SeaToSki · 09/02/2023 23:03

I had heart surgery and the number of young men that had to look at my post breast feeding 4 dc boob and flabby stretchmarked tummy while trying to not look was quite mind numbing

Startuplife · 09/02/2023 23:04

I once went on holiday with my ex boyfriends parents. We were at a water park and I was the last to go down one of those vertical drop slides with them waiting for me at the bottom.
When I reached the bottom I was laughing hysterically after having to pull up my bikini bottoms that had slid down my legs before exiting the slide. I couldn’t work out why they were all staring at me in horror until I realised I’d lost my top as well 🤦🏼‍♀️

Dammitthisisshit · 09/02/2023 23:12

Another labour one….

I was admitted to the medical ward when in labour due to an irregular heartbeat. After lots of monitoring the midwife decided it was OK and asked if I wanted to go to the (very close but down a short corridor) midwife led area. I did. I was naked from the waist down so DH suggested I ‘hop on the bed’ and he’d help me put my trousers back on.

I was getting approximately 2 seconds between contractions and there was no way that any clothing was going anywhere near my bottom half. I also realised that DH had no concept of what I was going through if he thought I was going to hop anywhere. My only concern about how to move was how to keep my gas and air supply intact. To pacify his (insistent) objections I grabbed some paper blanket as a cover thing, and waddled out into the corridor when the contraction peaked, I dutifully dropped everything, went down to all fours then put my head on the floor and stuck my naked bum in the air until the worst of the contraction passed. I repeated this every 5 steps down the corridor. DH was mortified. No one else batted an eyelid.

LakieLady · 09/02/2023 23:15

Daleksatemyshed · 09/02/2023 23:01

The morning after having had a minor Op I was carefully placed in the bath by a nurse who then left. When someone knocked and came in I was confronted by a teenage boy who took one look and fled. He was bringing tea but didn't seem to want to stay @Thewildthingsarewithme

What a bastard! I bloody love a cup of tea while lying in the bath, and I wouldn't care who brings it.

evtheria · 09/02/2023 23:26

Dammitthisisshit · 09/02/2023 23:12

Another labour one….

I was admitted to the medical ward when in labour due to an irregular heartbeat. After lots of monitoring the midwife decided it was OK and asked if I wanted to go to the (very close but down a short corridor) midwife led area. I did. I was naked from the waist down so DH suggested I ‘hop on the bed’ and he’d help me put my trousers back on.

I was getting approximately 2 seconds between contractions and there was no way that any clothing was going anywhere near my bottom half. I also realised that DH had no concept of what I was going through if he thought I was going to hop anywhere. My only concern about how to move was how to keep my gas and air supply intact. To pacify his (insistent) objections I grabbed some paper blanket as a cover thing, and waddled out into the corridor when the contraction peaked, I dutifully dropped everything, went down to all fours then put my head on the floor and stuck my naked bum in the air until the worst of the contraction passed. I repeated this every 5 steps down the corridor. DH was mortified. No one else batted an eyelid.

I am fucking crying laughing at this.

Original poster

Thewildthingsarewithme · 09/02/2023 23:43

OMG I’m howling which is probably the worst idea I’ve ever had, consider the stitches people. don’t be too funny😂

OP posts:

vipersnest1 · 09/02/2023 23:50

@Thewildthingsarewithme, you come far, far down on the list of embarrassing moments, let me assure you!

Some of mine are:
After giving birth to second Dc after having an episiotomy with the first (I tore with DC2).
Midwife: 'I'm going to get someone else in who is better at stitching than me as you're torn along your scar'
Me: 'ok'
Midwife: 'Do your mind if X comes in to watch'
Me: 'help yourself - everyone's seen it anyway!'

DC1 to me after having extensive prolapse repairs (many years after the above) and repeated antibiotics due to a nasty infection: 'blimey Mum, isn't there anyone who hasn't seen your fanny?'
Me: wry smile

Me nearly sg myself after unsuccessful bowel prep prior to an endoscopy:
'I need the toilet'
Cue a scramble to get me as fast as possible to the nearest toilet and get my sandals on my feet - I made it (just) but became very aware that the entire recovery ward could hear everything.

I could go on, but will mention one last event closely related to yours:
I'd experienced palpitations over five days and was very worried, so I took myself to A&E. Due to the problem (the nurse could hear that my heart was beating erratically), they told me I should be in Majors, but there wasn't space so they would take me to Minors.
When a bed was free in Majors, they moved me, but wouldn't let me walk, so I had to go in a wheelchair. Once I got there, I realised my entire right arse cheek was on show . The only saving grace was that I never saw any of them again.

You are not alone!

Lifesyoungdream · 09/02/2023 23:53

Dammitthisisshit · 09/02/2023 23:12

Another labour one….

I was admitted to the medical ward when in labour due to an irregular heartbeat. After lots of monitoring the midwife decided it was OK and asked if I wanted to go to the (very close but down a short corridor) midwife led area. I did. I was naked from the waist down so DH suggested I ‘hop on the bed’ and he’d help me put my trousers back on.

I was getting approximately 2 seconds between contractions and there was no way that any clothing was going anywhere near my bottom half. I also realised that DH had no concept of what I was going through if he thought I was going to hop anywhere. My only concern about how to move was how to keep my gas and air supply intact. To pacify his (insistent) objections I grabbed some paper blanket as a cover thing, and waddled out into the corridor when the contraction peaked, I dutifully dropped everything, went down to all fours then put my head on the floor and stuck my naked bum in the air until the worst of the contraction passed. I repeated this every 5 steps down the corridor. DH was mortified. No one else batted an eyelid.

This is the funniest thing I have read in ages. Thanks Damit for sharing it with us😂

Fizzadora · 10/02/2023 00:00

I was in my early 20's (many years ago and pre childbirth) and had to go for a colposcopy after an abnormal smear test. I was quite comfortable with the 'mature' lady doctor who had probably seen everything before and I was lying there with my feet in stirrups when she whipped back the curtain to reveal her students, three teenage boys, and barked at me that they would be observing the procedure.
They then proceeded to peer up my chuff, in turns, at regular intervals throughout.
I'm not quite sure exactly what they made of my stubbly (just growing back from a holiday) ginger pubes, but I hope it set them on the right path .

knobheadinlaws · 10/02/2023 00:10

Fizzadora · 10/02/2023 00:00

I was in my early 20's (many years ago and pre childbirth) and had to go for a colposcopy after an abnormal smear test. I was quite comfortable with the 'mature' lady doctor who had probably seen everything before and I was lying there with my feet in stirrups when she whipped back the curtain to reveal her students, three teenage boys, and barked at me that they would be observing the procedure.
They then proceeded to peer up my chuff, in turns, at regular intervals throughout.
I'm not quite sure exactly what they made of my stubbly (just growing back from a holiday) ginger pubes, but I hope it set them on the right path .

😂😂😂

Daleksatemyshed · 10/02/2023 00:15

It's OK @LakieLady he came back later when he knew he was safe 😂

LuluBlakey1 · 10/02/2023 00:54

I had pancreatitis a few years ago and it was terrible- caused by a trapped gallstone. After a week of morphine and painkillers in hospital I hadn't pooed at all since before I went into hospital.

I told the nurses who didn't do anything so I told the consultant the next day. He said I had to have an enema. They gave me it on the ward - 5 others in the bay on a gastro ward. Curtains pulled round the bed. It had no effect at all except I produced the most enormous, horribly stinky, painful and very loud fart (from behind the curtains). I heard the elderly lady across the other side of the bay say in a horrified voice 'Oh dear me!'.

They tried again with something else and I felt it begin to work. There was no way I was staying behind a curtain on a bedpan with them all listening. I got out of bed, I had no pyjama bottoms on so wrapped my towel around my bottom half and dragging my drip stand I made my way to the bathrooms- my insides were making awful noises, I was groaning with the cramps and trying to keep everything 'tight' so nothing fell out on the way. I was still in pain anyway and could only hobble. The elderly lady called after me 'I wouldn't like to be you when that comes out pet'.

It was terrible. I got to the bathroom and just stripped off. The poo was huge and couldn't come out but was it was determined to. I was so scared . I was sweating all over and the pain was awful as I eventually delivered it- worse than giving birth. I thought I was going to faint.I was light-headed , sweat was running off me. And the smell!

I had to sit for about 10 minutes until I recovered. Then I had a long, hot shower and went back to bed, exhausted. My bay mates were all 'Oh was it awful?' I just nodded.

A few minutes later a nurse went into the bathroom and came straight back out saying 'God the smell in there is terrible!' . I was mortified and pretended to be asleep.

ShinyPikachu · 10/02/2023 00:57

Another student doctor one from me.

I had a suspected third degree tear after giving birth, they were about to start stitching when I was asked if I would be ok with some students watching as they hadn't seen a third degree tear before. Thinking it would be a couple of them, a few at most, I agreed and then found my shredded nether regions the subject of a lesson for an entire class. There must have been about 20 of them at least.

Pinball2023 · 10/02/2023 01:21

About 4 weeks after birth I did the dirty in a quick free time I had... I had the midwife/health visitor (don't remember which) turn up for a Good 20 minutes, when they left I realised both of my boobs were out of my vest top (and she knew I didn't breastfeed) 😑

DesertRose64 · 10/02/2023 01:28

I once went for a gynae appt at the teaching hospital where I live and after I’d been examined the Dr asked me if I’d mind some male medical students doing a breast examination on me. The idea came to her in a flash seemingly as she knew I’d more than likely be ok with it culturally and off she went to find them. Half an hour later there were still some of them lined up outside the door and I even went back another day to make sure they all had a chance.

DesertRose64 · 10/02/2023 01:32

ShinyPikachu · 10/02/2023 00:57

Another student doctor one from me.

I had a suspected third degree tear after giving birth, they were about to start stitching when I was asked if I would be ok with some students watching as they hadn't seen a third degree tear before. Thinking it would be a couple of them, a few at most, I agreed and then found my shredded nether regions the subject of a lesson for an entire class. There must have been about 20 of them at least.

I just saw this. It was the same for me. I thought there would just be a couple😂

Original poster

Thewildthingsarewithme · 10/02/2023 05:13

@Fizzadora I hope it set them on the right path 😂😂😂 ahh these have cheered me up so much!

OP posts:

LunaTheCat · 10/02/2023 05:41

LuluBlakey1 · 10/02/2023 00:54

I had pancreatitis a few years ago and it was terrible- caused by a trapped gallstone. After a week of morphine and painkillers in hospital I hadn't pooed at all since before I went into hospital.

I told the nurses who didn't do anything so I told the consultant the next day. He said I had to have an enema. They gave me it on the ward - 5 others in the bay on a gastro ward. Curtains pulled round the bed. It had no effect at all except I produced the most enormous, horribly stinky, painful and very loud fart (from behind the curtains). I heard the elderly lady across the other side of the bay say in a horrified voice 'Oh dear me!'.

They tried again with something else and I felt it begin to work. There was no way I was staying behind a curtain on a bedpan with them all listening. I got out of bed, I had no pyjama bottoms on so wrapped my towel around my bottom half and dragging my drip stand I made my way to the bathrooms- my insides were making awful noises, I was groaning with the cramps and trying to keep everything 'tight' so nothing fell out on the way. I was still in pain anyway and could only hobble. The elderly lady called after me 'I wouldn't like to be you when that comes out pet'.

It was terrible. I got to the bathroom and just stripped off. The poo was huge and couldn't come out but was it was determined to. I was so scared . I was sweating all over and the pain was awful as I eventually delivered it- worse than giving birth. I thought I was going to faint.I was light-headed , sweat was running off me. And the smell!

I had to sit for about 10 minutes until I recovered. Then I had a long, hot shower and went back to bed, exhausted. My bay mates were all 'Oh was it awful?' I just nodded.

A few minutes later a nurse went into the bathroom and came straight back out saying 'God the smell in there is terrible!' . I was mortified and pretended to be asleep.

Oh you poor thing! Well done! Constipation is the worse.

Twiglets1 · 10/02/2023 05:57

LuluBlakey1 · 10/02/2023 00:54

I had pancreatitis a few years ago and it was terrible- caused by a trapped gallstone. After a week of morphine and painkillers in hospital I hadn't pooed at all since before I went into hospital.

I told the nurses who didn't do anything so I told the consultant the next day. He said I had to have an enema. They gave me it on the ward - 5 others in the bay on a gastro ward. Curtains pulled round the bed. It had no effect at all except I produced the most enormous, horribly stinky, painful and very loud fart (from behind the curtains). I heard the elderly lady across the other side of the bay say in a horrified voice 'Oh dear me!'.

They tried again with something else and I felt it begin to work. There was no way I was staying behind a curtain on a bedpan with them all listening. I got out of bed, I had no pyjama bottoms on so wrapped my towel around my bottom half and dragging my drip stand I made my way to the bathrooms- my insides were making awful noises, I was groaning with the cramps and trying to keep everything 'tight' so nothing fell out on the way. I was still in pain anyway and could only hobble. The elderly lady called after me 'I wouldn't like to be you when that comes out pet'.

It was terrible. I got to the bathroom and just stripped off. The poo was huge and couldn't come out but was it was determined to. I was so scared . I was sweating all over and the pain was awful as I eventually delivered it- worse than giving birth. I thought I was going to faint.I was light-headed , sweat was running off me. And the smell!

I had to sit for about 10 minutes until I recovered. Then I had a long, hot shower and went back to bed, exhausted. My bay mates were all 'Oh was it awful?' I just nodded.

A few minutes later a nurse went into the bathroom and came straight back out saying 'God the smell in there is terrible!' . I was mortified and pretended to be asleep.

That’s hilarious 😆
”oh dear me!” - she had no idea 🤣

InFiveMins · 10/02/2023 06:11

Pinball2023 · 10/02/2023 01:21

About 4 weeks after birth I did the dirty in a quick free time I had... I had the midwife/health visitor (don't remember which) turn up for a Good 20 minutes, when they left I realised both of my boobs were out of my vest top (and she knew I didn't breastfeed) 😑

😂😂😂😂