Page 2 | To ask you to entertain me whilst I suffer the indignity of bottom revealing paper gown

Thewildthingsarewithme · 2023-02-09T22:53:24+00:00

I am of course being unreasonable to use AIBU so poorly. However, please think of me dear reader, struggling my way to the toilet across a crowded ward after last minute surgery only to realise my entire naked buttock cheek was baring itself to the world or the ward as it were. I would love to say it caused traffic stopping chaos but no one even glanced up from their take a break. I however am mortified, and a little bit high on diazepam so tell me your stories of shamelessly turning the other cheek literally or just anything really. sorry this is utter pollocks I’m a bit off my face post op

LuluBlakey1 · 10/02/2023 09:09

Twiglets1 · 10/02/2023 05:57

That’s hilarious 😆
”oh dear me!” - she had no idea 🤣

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The whole thing was just mortifying. I am one of those people who is a bit uptight and private about farting and pooing anyway- only ever use my own bathroom etc. I was tired, in pain, really anxious and it was all so public and embarrassing. I can laugh now (3 pregnancies later- with everything that comes with them) thinking about what it must have sounded like to the others, but the elderly lady's comments still stick in my head and I must have been such a sight scuttling down the ward.

Twiglets1 · 10/02/2023 09:20

LuluBlakey1 · 10/02/2023 09:09

The whole thing was just mortifying. I am one of those people who is a bit uptight and private about farting and pooing anyway- only ever use my own bathroom etc. I was tired, in pain, really anxious and it was all so public and embarrassing. I can laugh now (3 pregnancies later- with everything that comes with them) thinking about what it must have sounded like to the others, but the elderly lady's comments still stick in my head and I must have been such a sight scuttling down the ward.

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So relatable honestly.
You’ve delivered 3 beautiful babies and 1 enormous shit 😂

Pate101 · 10/02/2023 09:28

When I was pregnant with my first I had far to much fluid and the doctors were worried so brought me I for an induction.

I went to the cafe in the hospital and my husband went off for coffees. My waters went suddenly, contractions started straight away and there was fluid gushing everywhere. So much fluid the lady at the next table started edging away so her bag wasn't soaked.

My husband was out of sight round the corner. Lots if people looked sympathetic but no-one did anything. I sat there in tears waiting for hubby to come back.

After a seemimg age he came back. He then spoke to someone cleaning and told them "there's been a spillage". 😆

I then had to waddle back up the long corridor with soaking trousers and still my waters gushing out.

When we got to the maternity ward I managed to change my trousers and put on a pad. The midwife came I and said "Was I sure my waters had gone? I need to check because there's not much on this pad!"

I never got to have my coffee!

LuluBlakey1 · 10/02/2023 09:31

Twiglets1 · 10/02/2023 09:20

So relatable honestly.
You’ve delivered 3 beautiful babies and 1 enormous shit 😂

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3 births were less painful.

user1471447924 · 10/02/2023 09:33

Anyone else think some of these stories involving medical students aren’t actually all that funny? You do realise you can say no, and ask then to leave if you feel uncomfortable, right?

Twiglets1 · 10/02/2023 10:16

Pate101 · 10/02/2023 09:28

When I was pregnant with my first I had far to much fluid and the doctors were worried so brought me I for an induction.

I went to the cafe in the hospital and my husband went off for coffees. My waters went suddenly, contractions started straight away and there was fluid gushing everywhere. So much fluid the lady at the next table started edging away so her bag wasn't soaked.

My husband was out of sight round the corner. Lots if people looked sympathetic but no-one did anything. I sat there in tears waiting for hubby to come back.

After a seemimg age he came back. He then spoke to someone cleaning and told them "there's been a spillage". 😆

I then had to waddle back up the long corridor with soaking trousers and still my waters gushing out.

When we got to the maternity ward I managed to change my trousers and put on a pad. The midwife came I and said "Was I sure my waters had gone? I need to check because there's not much on this pad!"

I never got to have my coffee!

Lol at “ there’s been a spillage”

Not that I would have any better idea about how to phrase it 😂

UnattendedPotato · 10/02/2023 11:17

For a colonoscopy they give you giant paper shorts with a discreet flap in the hole area. Not so discreet after I bent over to pick up my shoes to put in my clothes bag and split them from waist to fundament and had to walk down the hall with my flabby arse flapping in the wind.

DesertRose64 · 10/02/2023 16:27

user1471447924 · 10/02/2023 09:33

Anyone else think some of these stories involving medical students aren’t actually all that funny? You do realise you can say no, and ask then to leave if you feel uncomfortable, right?

I didn’t feel uncomfortable. I was in fact very happy to help.

Pottedpalm · 10/02/2023 16:54

Consultant Obstetrician, arriving to deliver my DTs; ‘I have a class here, medical students who have not been present at a twin delivery before ..’
Me, high on gas and air; ‘Come in, all of you! Gather round!’ 😂

JustDanceAddict · 10/02/2023 17:32

I had the en masse student experience while in Labour as well.
Unfortunately things weren’t going to plan and the midwife tried to turn baby so her head was in the right position to push on the cervix. By then I was so knackered and the world and his mother had had a go up there so what difference were a few students?! Thankfully I couldn’t see their probably horrified faces!!

evtheria · 10/02/2023 17:43

Pottedpalm · 10/02/2023 16:54

Consultant Obstetrician, arriving to deliver my DTs; ‘I have a class here, medical students who have not been present at a twin delivery before ..’
Me, high on gas and air; ‘Come in, all of you! Gather round!’ 😂

LOVE IT.

Original poster

Thewildthingsarewithme · 10/02/2023 19:30

Thank you so much for all of these, they’ve had me silently crying with laughter whilst cursing my stitches! Glad to know I’m clearly not the only one 😂

OP posts:

FlibbertyGibbitt · 10/02/2023 19:57

I think mine is one of the worst ever. I was about 19 and had bought an ammmmaaazzzziiinnng dress from miss selfridge. (‘‘Twas back in the 80s dear reader so no Lycra etc ) pure cotton. Bandeau top with fishtail skirt.

Went to a night club and danced enthusiastically all night so dress must have stretched. Got a taxi home and was happily chatting to the taxi driver about all sorts. Got into my house and took my coat off where to my absolute horror I realised that the dress had somehow made its way down my bod and my boobs were both completely out.

MORTIFIED. I still blush some 30 years later 😱

PurpleEmpress · 10/02/2023 20:40

Only time I have ever been in hospital was over 20 years ago. I still remember the lady in the bed along the bay from me cringing. Matron had come in with the enema paraphernalia, snapped the curtains round her bed and bellowed ‘assume the position’ followed by much groaning then a sigh of relief. I was most amused until it was my turn. As a sensitive soul I didn’t appreciate having to perform with the whole ward listening.

flapjackfairy · 10/02/2023 20:40

I forgot I had given the electrician a key when he was rewiring my house. He was a friend and had even been my pastor at church for a good many years and he sang at my wedding so a good friend,
Anyway one morning I was getting washed before getting dressed and realised the towel was outside the bathroom hanging over the banister so I flung open the door to get it only to see the electrician arriving at the top of my stairs about 3 foot away from me and the bathroom door.
I actually screamed and slammed the door shut whilst he stood there looking horrified at copping an eyeful of everything !
I hid for ages quietly cringing before deciding to come out and pretend it had never happened and even though I still see him regularly neither of us have ever mentioned it !

vipersnest1 · 10/02/2023 21:38

@LuluBlakey1, I can totally identify with you. In my case, it happened at home (after a prolapse repair operation - the nursing staff didn't give me any laxatives but should have), so doesn't really have a place on this thread.
But, I was like you - the sweating, shaking, feeling faint, and in my case, moaning and exclaiming to the point where DM called up the stairs to see if I was ok. It was horrific.
You have my sympathy.

LuluBlakey1 · 10/02/2023 23:38

vipersnest1 · 10/02/2023 21:38

@LuluBlakey1, I can totally identify with you. In my case, it happened at home (after a prolapse repair operation - the nursing staff didn't give me any laxatives but should have), so doesn't really have a place on this thread.
But, I was like you - the sweating, shaking, feeling faint, and in my case, moaning and exclaiming to the point where DM called up the stairs to see if I was ok. It was horrific.
You have my sympathy.

Thanks- it was actually quite scary in the loo but I was way too embarrassed to tell a nurse.

Mercedes45 · 10/02/2023 23:48

Startuplife · 09/02/2023 23:04

I once went on holiday with my ex boyfriends parents. We were at a water park and I was the last to go down one of those vertical drop slides with them waiting for me at the bottom.
When I reached the bottom I was laughing hysterically after having to pull up my bikini bottoms that had slid down my legs before exiting the slide. I couldn’t work out why they were all staring at me in horror until I realised I’d lost my top as well 🤦🏼‍♀️

Best post I've ever read

Mercedes45 · 10/02/2023 23:50

Dammitthisisshit · 09/02/2023 23:12

Another labour one….

I was admitted to the medical ward when in labour due to an irregular heartbeat. After lots of monitoring the midwife decided it was OK and asked if I wanted to go to the (very close but down a short corridor) midwife led area. I did. I was naked from the waist down so DH suggested I ‘hop on the bed’ and he’d help me put my trousers back on.

I was getting approximately 2 seconds between contractions and there was no way that any clothing was going anywhere near my bottom half. I also realised that DH had no concept of what I was going through if he thought I was going to hop anywhere. My only concern about how to move was how to keep my gas and air supply intact. To pacify his (insistent) objections I grabbed some paper blanket as a cover thing, and waddled out into the corridor when the contraction peaked, I dutifully dropped everything, went down to all fours then put my head on the floor and stuck my naked bum in the air until the worst of the contraction passed. I repeated this every 5 steps down the corridor. DH was mortified. No one else batted an eyelid.

No, wait, this is the best post I've ever read

cruisebaba1 · 11/02/2023 15:20

LuluBlakey1 · 10/02/2023 00:54

I had pancreatitis a few years ago and it was terrible- caused by a trapped gallstone. After a week of morphine and painkillers in hospital I hadn't pooed at all since before I went into hospital.

I told the nurses who didn't do anything so I told the consultant the next day. He said I had to have an enema. They gave me it on the ward - 5 others in the bay on a gastro ward. Curtains pulled round the bed. It had no effect at all except I produced the most enormous, horribly stinky, painful and very loud fart (from behind the curtains). I heard the elderly lady across the other side of the bay say in a horrified voice 'Oh dear me!'.

They tried again with something else and I felt it begin to work. There was no way I was staying behind a curtain on a bedpan with them all listening. I got out of bed, I had no pyjama bottoms on so wrapped my towel around my bottom half and dragging my drip stand I made my way to the bathrooms- my insides were making awful noises, I was groaning with the cramps and trying to keep everything 'tight' so nothing fell out on the way. I was still in pain anyway and could only hobble. The elderly lady called after me 'I wouldn't like to be you when that comes out pet'.

It was terrible. I got to the bathroom and just stripped off. The poo was huge and couldn't come out but was it was determined to. I was so scared . I was sweating all over and the pain was awful as I eventually delivered it- worse than giving birth. I thought I was going to faint.I was light-headed , sweat was running off me. And the smell!

I had to sit for about 10 minutes until I recovered. Then I had a long, hot shower and went back to bed, exhausted. My bay mates were all 'Oh was it awful?' I just nodded.

A few minutes later a nurse went into the bathroom and came straight back out saying 'God the smell in there is terrible!' . I was mortified and pretended to be asleep.

😂😂😂😂😂

IDidntWearASmileToday · 11/02/2023 15:43

I had gallstones a few years ago and happened to have an attack while I was at the drs having a blood test for a different issue.

The nurses were quite concerned as it quickly became clear it had turned into an emergency situation and 999 was called.

When the ambulance was on its way the nurse gave me a painkiller injection as I was crying in agony and couldn't move.

I was lying on the medical table thing and the nurse rolled me over and pulled down my jeans so she could inject my bum cheek with the painkiller.

I was in so much pain I could barely speak but I did manage to sob "I'm so sorry you have to look at my bum"

When the injection had kicked in the nurse said it was one of the funniest things she'd heard in an emergency and not to worry because she sees plenty of bums!

lemmein · 11/02/2023 16:04

Years ago I was babysitting for my boss. I woke through the night to use the loo and walked in on him, mid-poo-strain, with his undies around his ankles

Neither of us ever mentioned it.