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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not know how to feel about DH watching porn.

57 replies

Swottydotty · 09/02/2023 22:23

So I’ve noticed the Sky bill has been high but haven’t looked into it. Rang to get a deal and when I looked into the account DH has run up a bill of about 500 over 18 months renting our porn movies. It’s about 30 a month so one every 10 days or so. We haven’t had a great sex life for a while to be honest but I’m not sure how to feel about this. Part of me is angry, then disgusted, then fearful for our marriage.
I asked him about it, he admitted it and agrees that we need to get intimacy back on track

OP posts:
follyfoot37 · 10/02/2023 00:24

DuplicateUserName · 09/02/2023 23:58

No, the pedant in you really doesn't.

You're being a tit, so why not just own it?

Such a charmer @DuplicateUserName
Bet you mother is proud of your potty mouth
Do you think it is ok to use the wrong words, that SPaG is unnecessary?

DonnaBanana · 10/02/2023 00:27

He shouldn’t be rewarded by more sex from you

Heaven forbid we should ever have sex because we want to. It’s just a reward for our long suffering men.

DuplicateUserName · 10/02/2023 00:45

follyfoot37 · 10/02/2023 00:24

Such a charmer @DuplicateUserName
Bet you mother is proud of your potty mouth
Do you think it is ok to use the wrong words, that SPaG is unnecessary?

If my mother wasn’t dead she’d be 93 now and even she wouldn’t think the word tit meant someone had a potty mouth 🙄

This is an internet forum, one full of people from all different educational backgrounds and walks of life. It’s not an English exam, so there’s no need to get the red pen out and correct anyone’s SPaG.

Pinball2023 · 10/02/2023 01:24

OP Do not let strangers on the harshest forum tell you how to tell, or dismiss your feelings. You either except it or not, your relationship, your boundarys!

NotDrowningJustCrowing · 10/02/2023 03:24

Harriettt · 09/02/2023 23:54

@Strugglingtodomybest the reality of porn? As in? You mean the comments people are making about violence etc? But who's to say its all like that? Are people saying no women has ever wanted to be a porn star as her job, she can only do that job if she's been forced? Just curious if this is what people are saying here or not? Because that's obviously not true, there are plenty of people out there plugging their own social media accounts trying to lead people to their websites where they have recorded their own content, who are doing it to make a lot of money, their choice.

No one is suggesting that all porn actors are forced into it but there is a strong correlation between women who've suffered trauma and women who go into porn. Yes, there are sites like only fans where women are trying to make money. Most are making very little or feel that to make more they have to push their own boundaries. They also have to give 20% of their earnings to only fans which makes only fans pretty much pimps.

Or going back to porn movies/shorts. The most popular genre is Gonzo which pushes boundaries to their limits. Spitting, choking, "dry" anal, all holes filled, degradation as central to the whole thing. Women can say what they're not prepared to do then midway through a shoot be pushed hard to do more and if they don't they don't get paid. Pain, tearing, injuries. None of it is pretty. The women are harmed and in a different way so are the men who watch. On the one hand it's not real, on the other, for those being pounded and hurt it's all too real. One of the most popular sub genres within Gonzo? Barely legal.

None of this is okay. Real people are hurt. Real people whose idea of what they were entering into was delusional, which is not to blame them. They thought they'd have agency. Unless they're big stars they have little or no agency and as stars wane they're pushed/forced into more extreme scenarios.

And, of course, some women are forced. Trafficking is rife both in movies and only fans. And porn culture seeps out into wider culture. It affects all of us and it damages relationships. It creates expectations that are abhorrent to many of us. Ten, twenty years ago something like choking was a niche kink in the BDSM community, now it's been normalised. It's a disease that's spreading and causing real damage.

Aussiegirl123456 · 10/02/2023 03:45

Harriettt · 09/02/2023 23:15

I'd prefer him watching porn any day than attempting to read that post above with 6 million paragraphs in it 🤯

You’re a bit dim, aren’t you? Bless :)

Siameasy · 10/02/2023 11:40

I sometimes can’t be arsed to care about things. I know it’s socially unacceptable not to fret about it but I simply don’t care. Women are meant to care about absolutely everything. Angst over all the world’s ills in a hope that there may be a good girl treat at some point. 🙄

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