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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not know how to feel about DH watching porn.

57 replies

Swottydotty · 09/02/2023 22:23

So I’ve noticed the Sky bill has been high but haven’t looked into it. Rang to get a deal and when I looked into the account DH has run up a bill of about 500 over 18 months renting our porn movies. It’s about 30 a month so one every 10 days or so. We haven’t had a great sex life for a while to be honest but I’m not sure how to feel about this. Part of me is angry, then disgusted, then fearful for our marriage.
I asked him about it, he admitted it and agrees that we need to get intimacy back on track

OP posts:
BankOfDave · 09/02/2023 23:19

@ScrollingLeaves

I couldn’t read everything in your post as it makes me feel physically sick. The proliferation of porn on the internet is one of the greatest sicknesses of the modern era in my view 😞 Extreme is now mainstream and abuse is normalised. In the future we will look back and wonder how the hell that was allowed, in the way we do now about crimes against humanity in other aspects.

DiddyHeck · 09/02/2023 23:19

Harriettt · 09/02/2023 23:15

I'd prefer him watching porn any day than attempting to read that post above with 6 million paragraphs in it 🤯

😂😂😂

countrypunk · 09/02/2023 23:28

Harriettt · 09/02/2023 23:15

I'd prefer him watching porn any day than attempting to read that post above with 6 million paragraphs in it 🤯

Pathetic.

Strugglingtodomybest · 09/02/2023 23:30

I'm usually one of the only ones not phased by it.

Do you mind me asking why it doesn't phase you @Harriettt? It would really really phase me so I'm interested in the opposite view.

Great post @ScrollingLeaves btw, although hard to read (in terms of being vomit inducing).

BabyOnBoard90 · 09/02/2023 23:33

YABU to upset at him watching porn, but not to be annoyed at the bill.

If your sex life is crap the energy ultimately has to be expelled elsewhere - I mean men continuously produce swimmers. At least he's not cheating.

Harriettt · 09/02/2023 23:35

@Strugglingtodomybest I don't particularly have a reason, if he wants to watch it that's his choice crack on. If I want to watch it that's my choice crack on. That's all.

BankOfDave · 09/02/2023 23:37

BabyOnBoard90 · 09/02/2023 23:33

YABU to upset at him watching porn, but not to be annoyed at the bill.

If your sex life is crap the energy ultimately has to be expelled elsewhere - I mean men continuously produce swimmers. At least he's not cheating.

Men continuously produce swimmers

I know right, makes us wonder how on earth males managed several thousands of years evolution without seeing female abuse to wank off to.

At least he’s not cheating. Wow.

Think I’ll bow out of this thread as it’s sickening reading multiple levels.

ScrollingLeaves · 09/02/2023 23:37

BankOfDave · Today 23:19
In the future we will look back and wonder how the hell that was allowed, in the way we do now about crimes against humanity in other aspects.

I hope in the future people will look back and wonder.

It is one of the most disturbing and upsetting things I have ever read and it is very upsetting to think how people are getting hooked in so young.

bucketsoflove · 09/02/2023 23:43

Everyone should care about porn, the toxic environment in which it is produced and the impact on young men and women's views on normal relationships.

A few things to think about in this speech:

forthvalleyfeminists.com/dr-em-porn-culture-and-transgenderism/

ScrollingLeaves · 09/02/2023 23:45

Strugglingtodomybest · Today 23:30

“I'm usually one of the only ones not phased by it.”

Do you mind me asking why it doesn't phase you @Harriettt? It would really really phase me so I'm interested in the opposite view.

Great post @ScrollingLeaves btw, although hard to read (in terms of being vomit inducing).

Thank you, but I pasted that article from the link I’d posted previously - those aren’t my words. I had seen it on another thread and for obvious reasons hadn’t forgotten it.
It seemed apt given the OP’s opening question.

RosyappleA · 09/02/2023 23:47

@ScrollingLeaves really makes me upset reading that but great post. The violent nature disgusts me…and children as young as 9 watching it…and members of parliament whilst on the job too. What hope do we have? Just hope loads of females involved start suing them left, right and centre.

Strugglingtodomybest · 09/02/2023 23:49

Harriettt · 09/02/2023 23:35

@Strugglingtodomybest I don't particularly have a reason, if he wants to watch it that's his choice crack on. If I want to watch it that's my choice crack on. That's all.

Sorry if this sounds like I'm having a go @Harriettt (so hard to get tone across in writing) but are you saying that you just don't think about the reality of porn? You (or he) want(s) to watch it, so you do?

pinkdelight · 09/02/2023 23:52

have to say though I didn’t think it’s available online for free in Uk anymore ! I think they brought in a legislation on this recently … 🤔*

Course it's available for free online in the UK. They made it a bit harder to put the really dodgy stuff on sites but there's plenty out there. Bizarre to be paying for porn movies these days, almost quaint.

PToosher · 09/02/2023 23:53

There's rentable porn on Sky?

mumtobeauts · 09/02/2023 23:54

I personally don't like porn and wouldn't want my fella watching it, he watched it when he was younger but we agreed for porn to not be in our relationship so he doesn't watch it. I would be so angry it he wasted that much money!

Harriettt · 09/02/2023 23:54

@Strugglingtodomybest the reality of porn? As in? You mean the comments people are making about violence etc? But who's to say its all like that? Are people saying no women has ever wanted to be a porn star as her job, she can only do that job if she's been forced? Just curious if this is what people are saying here or not? Because that's obviously not true, there are plenty of people out there plugging their own social media accounts trying to lead people to their websites where they have recorded their own content, who are doing it to make a lot of money, their choice.

follyfoot37 · 09/02/2023 23:57

Harriettt · 09/02/2023 22:59

I'm really surprised at the comments up to now. Usually posts like this go on and MNers tell the OP to divorce divorce divorce. It's quite refreshing to see people not phased by it, I'm usually one of the only ones not phased by it.

apologies, but the pedant in me has to do this...
Fazed
🙃

DuplicateUserName · 09/02/2023 23:58

follyfoot37 · 09/02/2023 23:57

apologies, but the pedant in me has to do this...
Fazed
🙃

No, the pedant in you really doesn't.

You're being a tit, so why not just own it?

Harriettt · 10/02/2023 00:00

follyfoot37 · 09/02/2023 23:57

apologies, but the pedant in me has to do this...
Fazed
🙃

I meant gradually in steps and according to plan....🤣 thanks for the school lesson

lookoutkid · 10/02/2023 00:02

This reply has been deleted

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Strugglingtodomybest · 10/02/2023 00:05

@Harriettt I believe that some women are in it for the money, yes. But as Within a year of the campaign Pornhub had deleted 80% of the site totaling 10 million videos because it contained child sexual abuse videos or other illegal content (taken from ScrollingLeaves post) how do you tell which women are doing it because they genuinely enjoy it rather than because they are been forced, or coerced, or because they have no other option if they don't want to starve?

BabyOnBoard90 · 10/02/2023 00:06

BankOfDave · 09/02/2023 23:37

Men continuously produce swimmers

I know right, makes us wonder how on earth males managed several thousands of years evolution without seeing female abuse to wank off to.

At least he’s not cheating. Wow.

Think I’ll bow out of this thread as it’s sickening reading multiple levels.

Whatever you say precious

Harriettt · 10/02/2023 00:06

@lookoutkid aww thanks. How so?

Strugglingtodomybest · 10/02/2023 00:08

Sorry OP, I didn't mean to derail your thread, I am just genuinely interested in why someone would be ok with porn. I should have started my own thread...

Harriettt · 10/02/2023 00:14

@Strugglingtodomybest 75% of men have watched porn and 50% of women....according to interenet searches. People are obviously just watching what they see at face value rather than reading studies and interviews of the good and the bad.