To think my friend is being a bit crap actually?

[janeseymour78]

She's been my best friend for 15 years and we've always met up frequently until about a year ago.

We now meet more like every 2 months but it always becomes a mammoth catch up and always such a great time. I always properly restored after meeting up. 🙂

We last met early Dec and early Jan she said she was really busy all month but we could have a phone call instead? Which honestly I found laughable...we live in the same small city ffs. She's just contacted me again saying she wants to meet but won't feel up to socialising for some weeks because is being made redundant & feels too sad.

I just had a small op with follow up scans planned & Im also struggling a bit and need my friend. I have other friends but it's not quite the same. Would you say something or accept the drift away?

Hey OP, I'll go against the grain here and say that I fully understand where you are coming from. My closest friend of 30 years suddenly started to be too busy for our friendship and like you, it hurt and I missed her. We had been each other's support through so many of life's challenges and was always the first person the other would call for both good and bad. Bit by bit she pulled away and never had time for even a midweek coffee despite being available for others. When I brought it up (in a very nonconfrontational way) I was basically gaslighted, accused of being needy and had the situation turned on me and now we haven't had any contact for 6 months. To say I've been devastated is an understatement. I'm a godmother to her two boys and know I'll probably never see them again. Now I've had time to reflect I can see that a lot of our friendship was on her terms and feel quite regretful of the times when I'd basically dropped everything to run to her aid. Maybe give her the space she needs and look after yourself in the meantime.

Ah that was me. Well I’m not at all unkind, and I wasn’t the one advocating euthanasia.

Are these "big catchups" a large emotional dump from you that she just can't handle at the moment? From the outside it looks like you need her for your own emotional wellbeing but aren't prepared to accept that maybe you don't provide that for her in return.

Sorry OP just seen your more recent post - I take back my "emotional dump" comment sorry.