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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not know how to behave when two worlds collide?

41 replies

Bubblemilk · 08/02/2023 20:07

I recently bumped into two friends at a toddler group who I usually don't see together. It was a total mind fuck as one friend is very into gentle parenting and the other has several older children and is more in the wing it camp. I honestly struggled with conversing with both of them at the same time, as I didn't know how to relate to them both at the same time. I'm wondering if other people ever struggle with this and what you do when you see two different sets of friends at the same time?

OP posts:

Sunnysidegold · 08/02/2023 20:25

I find this thing really tricky. I didn't have a hen do because I couldn't bear the thought of my different friendship groups meeting. But I am a bit odd I think.

Sunnysidegold · 08/02/2023 20:25

**not to say you are odd op!

Original poster

Bubblemilk · 08/02/2023 21:29

I think maybe we are both odd given the lack of responses to this thread a hen do with all my groups of friends would definitely feel strange.

OP posts:

Rummikub · 08/02/2023 21:31

I’d find that tricky too.

Ive always compartmentalised.

Im in awe of friends that happily mix up groups. Makes me nervous.

Suzi888 · 08/02/2023 21:32

I always mix my friendships- BUT have friends who won’t! You aren’t on your own at all.

I have mixed and failed though, as in they haven’t gotten along that well and don’t wish to meet up again. Nothing major, just haven’t hit it off.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 08/02/2023 21:39

I've always compartmentalised too, but now I'm old I have a piece of advice - just be yourself. There may be times when you have to a) stick your head above the parapet and speak your mind, or b) keep your mouth shut so people don't know your opinion on that subject, unless it's a very important subject, in which case, see a).

Zipadeebooyah · 08/02/2023 21:42

Genuinely cannot relate to this at all.

Everyone is different. I don't mean this to be rude, but how can someone navigate life if they feel this way about such a minor difference between two individuals?

Rummikub · 08/02/2023 21:44

It’s more difficult of course!

Genevieva · 08/02/2023 21:46

If you are always yourself and don't bend to be like other people while you are with them then you should not have this problem.

I don't have the problem you describe, but I am quite a private person. I don't mix work and home. I don't 'share' with colleagues (per a recent thread about a compulsion to do so). I don't go to work Christmas parties either for that matter. I get on well with colleagues at work and make small talk. It just stays superficial.

Createausername1970 · 08/02/2023 22:00

I often feel I am the middle bit of a venn diagram.

I have a very wide cross section of friends. I go drinking with one, go to cinema/theatre with another and go to Mahjong with another etc. Another is very political and likes art galleries, another likes celebrities and shoe shopping. They vary in age by about 20 years.

I don't mind, I enjoy spending time with all of them, they obviously fulfil various facets of my own personality. But would I want them all in the same room...... NO! I would implode.

DarkNurseries · 08/02/2023 22:02

I’m not sure what your point is — surely you just say ‘X, this is Y’ and let them get on with discovering what they’re like? Or are you saying that you’re a social chameleon and that you nod along with the gentle parenting and the winging it parenting when you see them separately, and now you’re going to be found out?

mybunniesandme · 08/02/2023 22:09

Your post makes it sound like you tell each person what they want to hear to be able to "relate"? Own who you are and your own thoughts and opinions- shouldn't matter whose company you are in

DashboardConfessional · 08/02/2023 22:15

Not just you. My 2 best friends met when they were my bridesmaids and it was bloody weird! They got on fine but apart from both liking films/cinema have nothing in common.

Pudmyboy · 08/02/2023 22:28

I thought it was just me! As others have said I have friends with very different outlooks and don't mix them. Did introduce some to each other some years ago, one time was just awkward another got hostile so never did again. Part of me quite likes having different friends for different activities, part of me wishes for a bigger group all muddling along together

MargaretThursday · 08/02/2023 22:35

I find it difficult too. I thought it was just me :)

underneaththeash · 08/02/2023 22:37

The gentle parenting one will fail as a parent (or change anyway). The other one knows that…don’t stress about it too much.

JaneJeffer · 08/02/2023 22:37

This thread explains those people you know but if you happen to meet them with someone else they act completely different!

Original poster

Bubblemilk · 08/02/2023 22:48

Interesting comments here. I don't intentionally be a different person with different people but I do find I identify with different points of what people say. I think partly because I'm non-judgemental and can see the benefits of different ways of doing things and don't think there's one right way to be.

OP posts:

SweetSakura · 08/02/2023 22:54

I get where you are coming from , I have a very diverse group of friends. Again I think because I like people if they seem kind, if they make me laugh, whatever their background /interests. I can imagine some might find it hard to find things in common if I threw them together.

Ozgirl75 · 08/02/2023 23:34

I love it when my friends meet, and often they end up getting on really well. My best friend from school became very close to a friend from university, and when I moved overseas, my old friend kept in touch and went to uni friend’s wedding.
One of my close friends from law school came to my wedding and has ended up married to a friend from work’s brother.
I adore these links and friendships!

Ozgirl75 · 08/02/2023 23:36

And it’s not just me - I have three very close friends and all of them apart from me have ended up married to someone that they met through one of our group - and loads of friendships blossomed that way too.

CherrySocks · 08/02/2023 23:44

Not sure why there is criticism for OP's ability to get on well with different types of people and to accept different points of view - some of us can see both sides of an argument and can understand why one particular individual feels one way and another feels another way.

Ziggyzagg · 08/02/2023 23:51

I feel awkward when old friends E.g school / uni have had to mix with newer ones as I think I’m a different version of myself now than I was even pre kids so it just feels weird. I think that’s also sometimes a reason for losing touch with friends because you change and grow apart.

Summerfun54321 · 08/02/2023 23:55

Never felt like this. If some people feel awkward mixing with others that's their problem, just be yourself.

UsingChangeofName · 09/02/2023 00:13

I don't relate to this at all.

Surely - in your example, you just say 'Jane, this is Mary...Mary, this is Jane'. The say 'Hello' or 'Nice to meet you, and then someone says 'Ooh, it's cold this morning isn't it?' or 'Anyone been watching Happy Valley' or whatever.

No-one goes
"Jane, this is Mary, who is really into gentle parenting. Mary, this is Jane who has several dc and now just wings everything. Discuss."

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